Tuesday, August 25, 2020

That Time I Tried: Meth

Yep.  Not proud of it but might as well share with y'all since I'm on this theme of one-time drug experiences.  The year was 2012:  my grandma had just had a catastrophic stroke, Silk Road was at its peak & I'd acquired some Bitcoins from an online buddy which allowed me to buy any drug I wanted to try.  I decided to try meth since Adderall & similar pills were too costly.  At that point I'd never tried prescription stimulants either but was a daily user of stims like 4-FA, 2-FMA and Benzedrex (the latter of which I still use in low doses).

Desoxyn tablets (Rx meth)

My reason for trying meth was simple:  to compare/contrast it with other stimulants to see what the hype was all about.  I come from a rural town that's been ravaged by meth so the danger and addictiveness of the drug was not lost on me.  I knew that, even if I loved its effects, I couldn't just go out and buy more because I wouldn't have more Bitcoins.  It was truly a one-time indulgence.  And I'm too introverted to interact with IRL drug dealers so that's not an issue.  I learned how to use Silk Road, TOR & all that for the sole purpose of buying 100 mg of meth.  Not my proudest moment lol.

After waiting several nervous days for it to arrive, I finally received it.  I had just come down with a nasty cold the day it arrived but decided to try it anyway.  I was NOT going to smoke it since that's known to cause a more powerful rush & crash.  Instead, I ate & snorted it.  For whatever reason it didn't feel any different than Benzedrex at low doses.  Maybe because I was sick--I don't know.  But the effects were identical.  I was watching a Vice documentary on a Liberian cannibal war general when the actual effects started kicking in.  Probably not a great choice of material, ha.

Crystal meth

I ended up ingesting the 100 mg over the course of 2 or three days...I forget.  But I did make myself go to sleep before finishing it all despite wanting to just do it all in one jag.  The effects were extremely euphoric at higher doses.  My mind was clear as a bell, leg muscles tightened & my mouth was just hanging open in awe as I listened to music ("Kickdrum" by Felix Da Housecat to be specific).  Those were the highlights.  I also wrote a 5-star article for the company I was working for, which I'd never pulled off before.  As stated, meth made my mind EXTREMELY clear, though I've no doubt it's deceptively neurotoxic due to its effects on the dopamine system.  Just because something feels good doesn't mean it's good for you.  Still, I didn't feel depressed or cognitively fogged like after using MDMA--nowhere close.  I was able to hide the fact that I was on meth from my then-partner which means I wasn't visibly fucked up. 

There was no real comedown to speak of, though I did crave it & could've kept using more if I'd had it.  Was it the most addictive drug I've ever touched?  Negative.  That award goes to mephedrone, which made me feel physically miserable & mentally obsessed & financially drained in my attempt to keep doing more.  But I can see how people without access to other stimulants or life prospects could easily get hooked on meth.  I don't see why people complain about it hurting their nose though; it's nowhere NEAR as caustic as 4-FA which is like snorting battery acid sprinkled with ghost pepper sauce.  I'd even rank OxyContin above meth in the addiction-potential department, and I've used it enough times to know.

That said, don't underestimate it.  The real-world results speak for themselves.  People are willing to risk their health, families, jobs & physical appearance (hello meth mouth) just for its high.  The only role I could see it playing in my future life would be if I were to attend a lengthy festival like Burning Man where I'd need to endure long days in a miserable climate, or perhaps if I were to go on a long drive cross-country with people I didn't like (and I wasn't the one driving of course).  Situations where it wasn't recreational so much as functional.

I make a point to avoid using the most potent drug in any class because I want the weaker drugs to keep working but mainly because I don't want to ruin other life experiences like enjoying a good meal, sex or time with loved ones.  Meth/heroin addicts lose interest in those things because their brains are burned out by the overwhelming rush of dopamine, endorphins or other chemicals released by the drugs.  No thanks. 

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