Sunday, August 30, 2020

That Time I Tried: Methoxetamine

Methoxetamine is a dissociative that's sold on the research chemical market in the U.S. and UK. Or it was before the big ban circa 2015.  It's structurally similar to 3-HO-PCP but has effects that are more similar to ketamine.  I happened to try it back in the Golden Age of research chemicals sometime between 2012-2015 when I was basically just trying every pill & powder to make itself available on the grey market.  The only other dissociative I'd ever tried was nitrous oxide at the dentist's office so this was new territory.  Everybody was raving about MXE.  This was right before it became known as "ROFLcoptr" and got banned.

Methoxetamine in bag

As with psychedelics, I had a bad time on MXE.  It put me in a funk of a mood during which I typed up a long, depressing essay on what it means to be a "true gay" person vs. a poseur.  (To be fair, it turns out this issue is what eventually broke my relationship with my ex, as she lied about her bisexuality and left me for a man).  So I was onto something, lol.  Drugs have a way of revealing your intuition in its barest form to yourself at times.  At other times...well, they reveal a bunch of jumbled up nonsense & static.  But this time it was pretty right-on.  Wish I still had that essay saved.  Not that I'd share it but for my own laughing purposes.

The methoxetamine "high" was kinda similar to how benzos make me feel:  cloudy-headed, irritable & pessimistic.  But it allowed me to detach from my self-criticism to write that weird essay which could make it useful for authors/writers I guess?  Probably not the kind who write non-fiction though.  After penning the piece, I retired to my bed & just lay there feeling sorry for myself until I fell asleep.  I don't know what dose I took but it probably wasn't super high as I was still capable of functioning physically rather than being stuck in an "M-hole".

Branded MXE "pellets"

My MXE came from a reputable vendor & had a happy face on the baggie.  That's all I remember.  I never took a second dose & ended up selling or giving away the remaining gram.  My negative experience makes me hesitant to try ketamine for my depression, which has been suggested by my psychiatrist.  Granted, I'm in a better place mentally now (and yet the drug for treatment-resistant depression is still being recommended) and the dose would probably be low since it's a nasal spray.  But still.  If it's very similar to MXE I can't imagine it making me feel better.  There was no afterglow or anything positive from the methoxetamine like there is with shrooms; just darkness.  Not the worst drug I've tried but a pretty big bummer.

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