Saturday, August 15, 2020

That Time I Tried: Phenazepam

Alrighty, folks.  This is gonna be a bit longer than the other ones in this series.  I tried phenazepam sometime between 2012 & 2015 during the height of the research chemical Golden Era when you could buy any exotic stimulant, psychedelic, benzo or cannabinoid online via forums like Euphoric Knowledge or one of its many spin offs.  They came from Chinese labs and were 99.98% pure or higher due to being technically legal both in China and the U.S. at the time.  If you missed the party, I'm sorry.  It was a truly magical time. 

Phenazepam pills

If you're not familiar with phenazepam, the name can be a bit misleading.  It sounds just like any other benzodiazepine that ends in -"pam" or -"lam" (i.e - diazepam or etizolam).  But treating it as such is a HUGE MISTAKE which I learned the hard way.  This drug is nothing like any other benzo in existence.  It's more like a chemical weapon:  active in minute doses, lasts days & causes blackouts + bizarre behavior so undesirable there's virtually no recreational or medicinal use for it whatsoever.  It reminds me of the old MK-ULTRA drug BZ.  But anyway.

My phenazepam journey started innocently enough.  I had been up stimming on some upper or another & wanted to take something to help me sleep, so I dipped my wet fingertip in the bag of phenazepam powder, licked it and waited to take a benzo nap.  My dose, while not precise, didn't seem excessive at all, so I took a tiny bit more and soon was in a world of subtle but vivid hallucinations.  The music player (Spotify) had a picture of 2Pac...his lower lip started quivering.  For a moment I thought I'd been sold a psychedelic instead of phenazepam.  But no.  What happened after that is a massive blur but I'll do my best to explain it.

Phenazepam powder

Day 1:  I ate 1 gram of ethylphenidate (another research chemical related to Ritalin) over the course of this day and part of Day 2.  That was an INSANELY high dose for me or anyone else.  I never take that much of any stimulant and that's a particularly potent/jittery one.  I felt like I had dementia or mad cow disease at this point & was extremely confused, going back & redosing due to not remembering how much I'd already taken.  I lay down in the bed to try & sleep but the visuals were too strong:  squiggly lines everywhere. 

Day 2:  Argued with my (now) ex.  Collapsed face-first onto the bed when she told me I couldn't check the mail at 3 a.m., which was in no way safe where we lived.  Ended up doing it anyway.   This is all I really remember about this day.  Just more confusion.  If I slept I don't recall it.  

Day 3:  Sometime on this day I attempted to open a bank account (don't worry I did NOT drive).  I was declined.  I recall being really mad, lol.  I've no idea how I held it together in public but recall staring at the floor all spaced-out while waiting on the bank teller.  Again, it's all a huge blur even by the third day.

At some point I came down.  There were no lingering after-effects, thankfully.  But I trashed the rest of my gram--something I've only ever done with one other drug (MDPV).  Needless to say, phenazepam is a potentially dangerous drug with no benign uses:  it doesn't sedate you, stimulate you, cause euphoria or make you smarter.  In fact it somehow does the exact opposite of ALL those things and lasts a really fucking long time. 

Out of curiosity I Googled "phenazepam trip reports" after my mind cleared and mine was TAME by comparison.  Something I should've done before taking it.  This is nothing like Quaaludes or anything fun.  I can't reiterate that enough.  It's a dirty, worthless drug that could get you hurt.  While I don't support drug bans, this is one I would put in Schedule I if our current system was based on the actual risks & harms of various drugs.  I'm actually shocked to see that it comes in pill form in other countries. 

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