For all my young readers trying to decide on a career path, whether to settle down & start a family or stay single, go to college or trade school, to take a year off and travel or commit their lives to a religious path, to enter a heteronormative relationship or come out of the closet & embrace themselves as they are, allow me to simplify things for you.
At every crossroads you come to in life there are 4 distinct paths, each with its own pros & cons. If you will just remember these 4 options when making big decisions, it will help clarify things so you don't get overwhelmed with the seemingly endless options. Because really, there are only these four:
1.) Do what you want to do. In this reality, you do the thing you want to do and reject the reality you do not wish to choose. You follow your dream, for better or worse. By being true to yourself, you carve out your own path & live in alignment with your own highest good. This option requires the most risk and sacrifice upfront but pays the highest dividends in the long run, and it doesn't require you to compromise your values. It may frustrate or disappoint those around you, at least for a time. But if they truly care about you they will eventually come around (speaking from experience on that). "But isn't doing what you want selfish?" Ehh, perhaps, but who says selfish is always bad? It can be if you exclusively do what you want & never consider anyone else's feelings, but when it comes to major life decisions that will primarily impact YOU, it should be considered mandatory.
2.) Don't do what you want to do. This option sees you shying away from the thing you most want to do, though you also are not capitulating and doing whatever it is you don't want to do. So say your family is pressuring you to major in criminal justice and you'd rather study fashion design: You compromise & go into medicine. You're not doing the thing you want to do (studying fashion design), though you're also avoiding the dreaded alternative (studying law). In a sense, nobody wins, though you may be softening the blow by not choosing the option you most hate.
3.) Don't do what you don't want to do. This is like the last option but flipped on its head. You may not be doing what you don't want to do, but you're still not doing whatever it is you dream of. It may seem like a compromise but there are some things you just can't compromise on--you're actually just cheating yourself. You may not realize how badly until you're looking back on your life from the finish line, but those kinds of regrets are the worst kind: the big things, the close calls, the 'what-ifs'. And that's the thing: it's YOUR life. Nobody else will have to live with the outcome so nobody else should get a vote in how you live it.
4.) Do what you don't want to do. This is the worst of the 4 options because you're doing the thing you actively don't want to do while also shunning your own dreams & ambitions. It's the least brave & requires the least sacrifice, at least in the moment. But in the long run you're sacrificing your individuality, your talent and potential, desires, hopes & dreams to fall in line with what society, your family, community or others expect of you. It leaves you in a constant state of disharmony & inner turmoil because you're betraying your life purpose.
...actually, this has nothing to do with age and can be applied to anyone. Time seems to accelerate with each passing year... you eventually realize you may not always have a "tomorrow" or "next year" to venture down a new path. Whether there's something after this life or not, you'll have wanted to spend it in a way that aligns with your own inner beliefs, morals, values & desires. In a study of hospice patients, the single biggest regret was "living for others instead of doing what I really wanted." While you can't get back wasted time, you can change paths at any time and that is worth a lot.
Also: It's very hard to help or please others if you are miserable. So put the mask on yourself first & choose wisely. 🙏🏻
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