On Snotty Snitches & Controlling Bitches

Remember that kid in class who would tell the evil teacher there were tacks in her chair, ruining the intricate prank everyone had worked so hard to pull off?  The goodie-goodie who always had a question or "idea" that would hold the class up long after the bell rang?  The first-in-the-door, last-out-the-door suckup who just HAD to make life a drag for all the other students because they were obviously lacking something inside themselves?  

Chances are that kid grew up to be an asshole who throws their peers, co-workers & even their "friends" under the bus whenever they get the chance.  They see themselves as shining examples of morality due to their habit of always following The Rules, yet they're the first to sabotage another hardworking person's efforts to make themselves feel better or look good.  But they don't look good.  They look like pathetic, insecure little twat waffles.  And the sad thing is, there's no need for any of it.  That effort could be better spent building up their own work, relationships or hobbies instead of tearing down yours.  Because they tend to be intelligent and competent people in their own right, they just won't relax their anuses long enough to chill & let other people be.  

The English department at my college was full of these people--sharply dressed WASPs who would exclude you from group projects for the slightest perceived misstep while turning in work that was consistently 'meh'.  I had an older cousin--an only child with a major inferiority complex--who exuded this energy my whole childhood, playing the benevolent big sister role when family was around and turning into an outright bully when they weren't.  Elon Musk's "you must come to work in the office/no more work-from-home" passive-aggressive email is another example.  You get the picture.  

It's one thing to be a Type A overachiever who takes your work seriously & likes to be in control.  It's another to try and control other people.  If you fall into the latter category, please seek help & try to reign it in.  It's not a good look & makes things that would otherwise be bearable or even fun seem like a drudgery.  Workplaces turn into nightmares with you around.  I can't imagine what it must be like to be in an intimate relationship with you people.  Not everyone's brain is wired like yours and that's okay.  We don't need an unpaid nanny following everyone around & playing bossy Big Brother.  Life is hard enough without the added pressure of Controlling Cathys & Snitchy Steves dissecting our every move.  

Relax.  Let your butthole breathe.  It's all gonna work out just fine.