On R-E-S-P-E-C-T

--- Unknown

This is a sentiment I share, and one I've thought a lot about over the years.  In fact I'd take it a step further & say that defaulting to blind respect based on age alone is actively dangerous.  (Well, maybe "respect" is the wrong word.  Everyone's entitled to basic respect.  Maybe "reverence" is the word they're looking for).

My Boomer parents grew up in a world where children were to be seen and not heard, where "respect your elders" was the mantra & back-talking was a mortal sin (I also grew up with that last tenet. This sin earned me countless ass whoopins & hours in my room as a kid.  Probably 95% of my punishments were for "backtalking").  One of my parents & both of their siblings endured the worst thing a child can endure--all at the hands of DIFFERENT men in town--and it was never reported to police, not that they would've done anything other than blame the kids and their mom anyway.  My grandma on the other side of the family also endured the same abuse from what sounds like the same man, or at least someone in the same "network".  All of them claim this was just "the norm" in the '50s and '60s which is enraging.

Yet my parents are the first to say parents today are too lenient, that the only thing they did wrong in raising me was not beating me MORE and that "respect your elders" should be the law of the land.  Also enraging.  How you can grow up in that hellscape & still not grasp how that mindset endangers kids is beyond me.  The unspoken side of that coin, of course, is:  "Due to their lack of life experience, kids are little more than sentient furniture; a loud, expensive inconvenience deserving of all their parents' rage & the sexual frustration of random perverts who cross their paths--a possession with no bodily autonomy.  Kids aren't worthy of respect."  

Don't get me wrong:  there's a long list of elderly people I admire & respect more than I can put into words.  Most of these people belong to the Silent Generation:  all my grandparents fall into this category but there are others I've known all my life who are equally amazing.  Real badasses who've lived through the Great Depression, multiple wars, pandemics & social upheavals yet maintained their sweet, soft outlook.  Folks who stuck it out in less than ideal marriages & then nursed their partners through brutal battles with Alzheimer's or other terminal diseases & maintained a positive outlook despite it all.  They very likely hold old-fashioned racist, sexist, homophobic views but aren't narcissistic enough to go around spewing them in public or around younger people.  That's called having CLASS.  These lovely people tended to live into their late 80s or 90s regardless of income, education or lifestyle which is perhaps an interesting side note.  The wisdom they possess could fill novels.

Yet somehow the generation AFTER them (the Baby Boomers, ahem) seems to have turned out just the opposite.  A product of the wealthiest period in American history after WWII, the 1st generation raised on television & accurately labeled the "Me Generation," these folks ripped ass partying & protesting throughout their youth in the '60s and '70s before slamming the door shut on their kids and grandkids in the Reaganite '80s, morphing from hippies into Yuppies into their final Trumpster dumpster fire form in old age.  They have very little to be angry about, as most of them have been able to retire & live comfortable lives, draining Social Security, supporting numerous wars after literally burning their own Vietnam draft cards & heating the planet to dangerous levels with their precious fossil fuels.  Of course these are the loudest, angriest Boomers of all, not those forced to work in their old age or live in their cars due to poverty/homelessness.  

But then that seems to be the pattern, doesn't it?  Those with the most to be happy about tend to be LEAST content.  People whose parents did the most for them, allowing them to laze about & not do chores or work are the most critical of others & the most miserable.  Those forced to take care of themselves from a young age or endure abuse tend to be grateful for every little bit of good fortune that comes their way, completely unable to relate to the sense of entitlement those pampered brats exhibit.  It's a sad & frustrating paradox for parents trying to decide how many creature comforts & how much help to give their kids growing up.  Too little and you've traumatized them; too much & you've created a monster.

Back to the point:  I base my respect not on a person's age, race, sex, achievements, wealth, status or anything of the sort.  For me, the way you treat people is everything.  Are you friendly even when you feel the opposite?  Do you take your bad moods out on innocent people?  Do you apologize when you've wronged someone?  You may not have anything to give in the way of material things (Lord knows I don't), but you can always help in some way.  Maybe you're a good researcher or writer with unique knowledge to share; perhaps networking is your strength & you know someone who can do a friend's taxes for free or get them a job in their chosen industry.  Perhaps you're physically strong & can offer help with a burdensome task like moving.  All of these things require energy, effort & work, be it mental or physical.  If people can't recognize and appreciate these contributions, maybe it's time to pull back a bit.  Whatever your abilities, helping is a CHOICE, as is being kind.  And so is being grateful for that help and kindness.  

To summarize, respect (and especially reverence) is earned regardless of one's age or station in life.  Anyone who comes around demanding it probably doesn't deserve much.  🧐