Adventures in Psychonautics: Diss Track Review: "The Kickback"

I said I was gonna share some of the best, worst and WEIRDEST diss tracks in this series and, dammit, that's exactly what I meant. Since the last 3 reviews were dead serious, I thought I'd lighten things up a bit with this one. You're welcome. 😎

Melle Mel is a bonafide legend in the rap game. The lead MC in the seminal band Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five, Mel gave us the timeless final verse on "The Message" (1982) that singlehandedly turned hip hop from a lighthearted form of party music to a serious form of socio-political commentary. The song was the first rap track to ever be added to the U.S. National Archive of Historic Recordings and the 1st Hip Hop record inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame. In fact, it was Mel's bandmate Cowboy who invented the term "Hip-Hop," so a great debt is owed to these men any time we discuss the art form.

Now with that said, nobody's perfect. Even legends have off days and make mistakes as you're about to see. Oh-ho-hooo, are you ever about to see. When you're around for as long as Melle Mel & continue commenting on modern acts, things can get hairy. Times change, tastes change--what was hot in the '80s or '90s is seen as corny in the 2020s. For some reason, Mel has had an issue with Eminem's success over the years, claiming that he would've been "just another rapper" if not for his non-melanated skin tone. A direct quote from 2023:

“He’s white. So now if Eminem was another n***a like all the rest of us, would he be top five on that list when a n***a that could rhyme just as good as him is 35?” Mel asked. “That had records and all that?… The point is this, If I was white, I’d be greater than Elvis. N****s would be like, ‘Melle Mel is greater than Elvis.'” (Emphasis mine).

Well somebody sure thinks highly of himself! Of course Eminem responded, claiming we "Lost Melle Mel to 'roids (steroids)". And that's what prompted the glorious, uproarious turd known as "The Kickback," the diss track that set the internet ablaze with reaction videos that consisted of looks of sheer confusion interspersed with loud "thuds" as rap fans hit the floor when they fell out of their chairs cackling. And you know I'm gonna share some of my faves with you here, rap fans. The whole incident was so shameful it was a trending/viral topic for nearly a week, which is like 6 months in ADHD internet time.

"The Kickback" is a mercifully short track set to a beat that opens to a series of lo-fi gunshot sound effects & progresses to a treble-heavy clap that's less than easy on the ears. The lyrics are fittingly worse, with Mel literally counting from 1 to 8 at one point in the song. (No punchline or clever twist: Just "one, two, three, four, five... " you get the picture). It's actually stunning how bad this fucking song is. The mental imagery you come away with is a weird gumbo of cockroaches, bookbags, Pee-Wee Herman & pissy elevators. But it's the overall SOUND--the cadence, beat & pressured speech that put it over the top from "Bad " to "Dreadful" to "He Can't Be Serious, Can He?"

When I say it sounds like something fresh out of 1979 or a vintage Adidas commercial starring Run DMC, well... just listen to it and you'll see what I mean. The only halfway decent line is "got a lawyer so white he'll take your land" and that's still not too clever because it wasn't really relevant to the song (and isn't that what lawyers are SUPPOSED to do? Win money & take your shit?). Anyhoo, I DID laugh at "Pill Clinton" and "Pill Gates" but not because it's a hot line per se... we're laughing AT ya, not WITH ya sir. It was so bad some online commentators were asking whether an AI bot composed the track. (Don't do AI like that; it's still new. This guy? Not hardly). I found myself questioning whether Melle Mel felle fell back into his love affair with the "White Lines" he was so fond of back in the day (half-kidding).

There's really not much else to be said so I'mma just leave you with the song and some of the many, many reaction vids so you can judge for yourself. Again, you're welcome. 🙃