For millennia, women have been sold the lie that marriage & child-rearing are the apex of fulfillment--that the nuclear family is the winning formula in life. And for a time this setup made practical sense: the man could venture out into the world & earn a living while the woman stayed home & tended to the duties of homemaking & raising the kids. Not glamorous work but somebody's gotta do it. Anything that deviates from this norm represents not only a failure of your role as a woman but a dangerous departure from Judeo-Christian values. "Dying alone," becoming a "lonely old spinster" or a "crazy cat lady" are tropes that are frequently thrown around to scare women & girls into compliance.
But here's a head-scratcher: would there be a need for these scare tactics if hetero marriage & motherhood were really all that great? Who benefits from scaring women into such unions? Now that the average man's income can't support a stay-at-home-mom & 2.5 kids plus a dog, men are more of a liability than an asset. The sooner women realize this the better off they'll be. Studies consistently show that hetero marriage benefits men while harming women's health, mental well-being & shortening our very lives. But why?
Because marriage was never an equal or even remotely equal trade of labor, love & commitment, and we all knew it on some level while continuing to delude ourselves, telling fairy tales to cope with the cognitive dissonance the truth would bring crashing down on our thick skulls. But at least men covered the financial aspect before late-stage capitalism made it so both partners had to work full-time just to make ends meet. Now? Not so much.
What's On the Line?
Oh, only everything. Biologically speaking, women carry the entire health burden of unwanted pregnancy/childbirth and are more readily infected by STD's from PIV sex than men are from women. Considering that 1 in 4 sexually active adults has HPV--the #1 cause of cervical cancer & the leading cause of mouth and throat cancer in the U.S.--that's pretty significant. That's to say nothing of incurable STDs like HIV & herpes and all the resistant strains of once-treatable diseases like gonorrhea & the dreaded syphilis. When a woman engages in penetrative anal sex as the passive partner, the risk of contracting an STD goes up to astronomical levels. So being cheated on carries a far higher risk than just emotional ruin. Having one STD like herpes which causes open sores on the genitals increases the risk of contracting another like HIV as well. Many of these diseases cause no noticeable symptoms so don't assume you're in the clear just because you or your partner shows no outward signs.
While women are slightly more likely to come down with dementias like Alzheimer's Disease, we also live an average of 3-5 years longer than men (even longer now thanks to COVID shortening men's lifespans even more), which means we often play caregiver to our aging decrepit Romeos... Romeos who statistically are 7 times more likely to bail on us if we're struck with a terminal or chronic illness than we would them if they were in the same position. Oncology nurses across the world have confirmed this stomach-turning statistic. All of these stressors can cause great strain on a relationship if partners aren't on the same page, chapter & verse when these situations arise. I've personally watched both my beloved grandmothers speed up their trip to the grave dramatically while caring for a demented husband.
Safer in His Arms?
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| The greatest health & safety threat to women? Men. |
Women often cite "safety" as a motive for keeping shitty men in their lives. "I feel so safe in his arms" is a common refrain from straight women. Indeed, men's overall boldness & impulsive risk-taking can give the illusion of bravery & a willingness to protect, but don't be fooled: many of these same men use that quick thinking to make a break for it when shit hits the fan. Self-preservation > everything for these types.
While men are capable of providing protection from violent attackers & intruders, they can just as easily bail in an emergency or turn their rage on us. Just as "feeling safer" with a gun in the home is deceptive (having a gun in the home actually INCREASES your risk of dying from gun violence especially if you're a woman & a bigger, stronger, faster man wrestles it away from you), having a man in the home can work in a similar manner, creating a false sense of security while increasing your risk of being killed by male violence - strangulation, head trauma, stabbing, suffocation, drowning, poisoning, shooting & other brutal methods of killing. Also known as domestic violence. It's like having a pit bull/Rottweiler to protect against intruders: Fido might be loyal & well-behaved on 99 out of 100 occasions, but catch him on a bad day & you become dog food. These dogs also make the whole neighborhood less safe, engaging in "pack attacks" when they break free from their owners' yards in groups of 2 or more & attack or kill innocent elderly people, children, pets & able-bodied adults. Owners are sued, the dogs are put down, the local paper writes a thinkpiece, rinse, repeat. But laws & behavior don't change. Just another day in 'individual freedoms over the common good' America.
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| The many types of DV |
Just think for a moment about who commits nearly ALL the rapes, mass shootings, terrorist attacks, gang violence, kidnappings, break-ins, armed robberies, gang rapes & other violent crimes in all societies around the world. If not for men, women wouldn't have to watch their drinks at the bar, look over their shoulder when walking at night, lock their doors before going to bed or leaving home, have active shooter drills in elementary schools or otherwise plan their lives around random acts of violence. We could jog freely after dark down alleyways with headphones on. We could wear whatever the hell we wanted without being catcalled. We could turn the primal fear centers of our brains OFF & just fucking live without being prey to 50% of the human population.
But What About the CHILDREN?
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| Superhero status is earned. |
But don't children need strong father figures in their lives? How can you even have a family without a man? One word: Co-parenting. Cordial cooperation in the absence of romantic/sexual activity can actually make parenting EASIER & more efficient by taking the emotional charge out of the relationship & allowing you both to focus more on the child's best interest instead of your own egotistical desires. Less arguing in front of the kid + the potential for a more equitable division of labor. Virtually no downsides aside from travel & scheduling. It beats growing up in a chaotic yelling household by far, another thing I can unfortunately attest to.
Sperm banks are another great option, allowing you to choose the ideal bio parent now & find a loving parental figure naturally when it happens instead of rushing into a forced union with Mr. Right Now to appease your biological clock. Until then you can make sure your child spends plenty of time with the positive males in your family, consumes media with strong male role models in it & participates in community activities with other boys & men you trust. ALL of these options beat being trapped living with a biodad who is verbally, physically or emotionally abusive & models disrespectful behavior towards the child's mom in front of him/her. There's much to be said for extended family as well. Having loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins & half/step siblings can make a child feel more loved & secure than having only a nuclear family, especially if that nuclear family is unstable.
The problem with men as spouses or live-in partners is that too many of them get stuck in the 12-15 year-old age range emotionally, willing victims of Peter Pan Syndrome who never grow up. And why would they? Their parents, teachers, coaches, religious leaders, girlfriends & wives enable their lazy immature behavior well into their 30s and beyond, often even giggling about it like it's cute. Domestic slaves-aka-moms hand off their workloads to Sonny Boy's new bride & she picks up right where Mommie Dearest left off, washing his skid marked drawers, emptying his piss jugs, carrying the crusty dishes out of his man cave & asking 'how high' before he even has to command her to 'jump'. He becomes just another child she has to take care of, then he wonders why she's never "in the mood" for sex. That's to say nothing of his verbal abuse, the extramarital affairs, running her down for putting on weight after bearing HIS children & developing depression due to his lack of help with raising them. And doing all of it in front of the kids.
She'd be better off divorcing him, taking half of his stuff & getting child support/alimony, which she COULD do because he's cheating on her & being abusive. But she's so beaten down emotionally she can't gather the energy or courage. Plus she feels it would be too traumatic for the kids. Don't they need a father? What would his parents say, their mutual friends? Who would get the house? No way could she ever find someone else to love her at this age with all this emotional baggage. Imagine starting over this late in life. Ridiculous! Blind dates, Tinder! She'll die a lonely old maid with no one to care for her in her old age.
Don't let yourself get to this point, ladies: So beaten down you can't see clearly. Our fictional housewife/domestic slave could absolutely win in a divorce case & come out smelling like roses. And it would benefit her kids in ways she can't even imagine. Staying with an abuser is negligent parenting, actually. You have a responsibility to protect your kids from verbal, emotional, physical & sexual abuse. NOT doing so is neglect--another form of abuse. Your kids could be taken from you in theory if CPS/DCFS was made aware of it. Change can be scary but not as scary as a lifetime of abuse, degradation & control. The same goes for dads--if your child's mom is being abusive it's your responsibility to take them and leave. Once you have kids it's not about YOU anymore.
You Just Say This Because You're a Man-Hating Lezzie!
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| Membership irrelevant: the tips here apply to all women. |
True, I'm gay so I have no sexual use for men. That removes exactly one need for men from my life, but I still acknowledge the need for (good) fathers in a child's life & I don't advocate killing off all males or anything stupid like that. They are half the human population after all. I've also been without a female partner for over 10 years before so I'm not dependent on women either. In general I think people are far too dependent on others for their sexual and emotional well-being, particularly women. Sorry ladies but it's true. In fact I think codependence is one of our biggest faults as a sex, the other being enabling bad behavior by staying in bad friendships/romantic relationships & putting up with abusive people in general. (Ask me what men's shortcomings are if you'd like a War And Peace-length essay).
If you require dick for your sexual fulfillment, may I suggest the eternally-hard vibrating or glass kind you keep in your nightstand. It comes with 0% risk of pregnancy or STDs & won't insult you if you put on a few pounds. There's all kinds of interesting free porn on demand these days, and even AI sex chat bots. Get creative. If you're the least bit bi-curious or have any kinks/fetishes, use this time to explore that side of yourself. Most str8 men, from what I hear, aren't incredibly giving in bed anyway (sorry guys). Limiting yourself to JUST PIV sex with men is like going to an expensive buffet and eating only a baked potato. Sure, baked potatoes can be nice but look at all the other things you're missing out on by not even giving them a try! More importantly, it would be a great time to get in therapy & work on building your intrinsic self-worth. That is, getting your validation from inside rather than depending on others to make you feel like a worthy human being. So much of our reliance on men comes from this core problem. Give yourself the love you wish you'd gotten from your parents growing up & shower yourself with the attention you crave from men. And put more effort into building strong bonds with the women in your life.
When you do meet up with a new man, consider carrying a non-lethal weapon like a taser, stun gun or Mace gun with you for protection & know how to use it correctly. Talk to your doctor about the Gardasil shot & always use a condom. Make birth control a top priority: While The Pill is better than nothing, some other medications can render it ineffective and you must remember to take it at the same time daily. An IUD or Depo-Provera type shot has an even higher success rate & doesn't have these issues.
Your physical safety, preventing unplanned pregnancy & disease prevention should ALWAYS come before pleasing a man or chasing down a potential partner. If you're a mother, your children's safety & well-being come before even those things. Learning to weigh the costs vs. the benefits of everything you do, especially who you enter into committed intimate relationships with, is vital to creating a healthy, safe life. ♀✊🏼
(I'm not writing this to bash men but to uplift & hopefully arm my female readers with knowledge that could save their lives. If you're a rational man you'll understand that nothing I've said here is false &, if the shoe doesn't fit you WON'T try & wear it).
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