On R-E-S-P-E-C-T (Again)

 

Baby Boom-Booms, anyone?  Sorry but this is SO my mom. 😆😬🙄

(Edit:  I meant Baby BOOMERS obviously but it somehow autocorrected to "Boom-Booms" which is henceforth my new name for them.  So thanks for that you worthless bargain basement laptop hunk o' junk). 

Quick PSA About the Drugs You're Taking

If the substances you're using aren't making you a happier, more motivated, proficient and mentally stable version of yourself, you're using the wrong substances.  While most of us are aware that drugs are not a long-term solution to life's big problems & can indeed come with their own, they should at least make you feel and/or function better in the short-term.  Read that shit again, all of it.  If they're not doing that, what the hell is the point of using them?  To feel & behave worse than you do stone sober?  I'll wait while you try & fail to answer that.    ⏰

That said, even if you have a history of addiction you (usually*) don't have to be 100% sober from all psychoactive drugs for the rest of your natural life.  It's a nice thought and a good thing to strive toward, but unrealistic for most people & downright dangerous for others.   Applying the purity culture mentality to drugs is no more effective or logical than doing it with sex.  It's a form of black-and-white, all-or-nothing, Madonna/whore thinking that can turn a temporary relapse--which is a normal part of recovery--into an excuse to beat yourself up because of the illusion that you "lost" your time clean up to that point & the sobriety clock is starting over.  This puts you in danger of a more serious or lasting relapse because, as long as you're "throwing away" your progress why not go big?  That's to say nothing of the overdose risk with drugs like ultra-potent opioids when addicts go the cold turkey/detox route in inpatient rehab & (almost inevitably) relapse when they get out, dropping dead because their tolerance is in the basement... a horrifying topic deserving of its own 7,000-word expose in TIME Magazine.  

So yeah, go easy on yourself if you are less than a teetotaling Puritan for the rest of your days.  But for the love of all things holy, choose a drug that agrees with your neurochemistry & doesn't turn you into a raging psychotic bundle of belligerent flesh mumbling nonsense at police through a spithood in the drunk tank of your local jail.  The cold, hard reality is that everybody can't do every drug, and that includes the socially acceptable ones like alcohol, pot & caffeine.  We all react wildly different to the same substances, which is why you can't assume that "one drink" or "one toke" is gonna be okay for you like it is your friend/sister/boss/whoever.  For some people, that "one" serving turns into an unstoppable binge of much "harder" drugs and therein lies the problem; for others, even low doses of said substance cause unpredictable mood swings, hallucinations or violent outbursts almost akin to an allergic reaction within the brain.


Paradoxical & Adverse Reactions

Think I'm exaggerating?  My insane uncle came THISCLOSE to bashing two Middle Eastern hotel owners over the head with a Louisville Slugger while high on fucking POT, a drug he uses daily, because his paranoia was so severe.  He convinced himself they were "Al-Qaeda" (ugh 😫) and had the bat over his head ready to swing from behind when his much cooler-headed wife tackled his ass just in time.  Remind me again how that's enjoyable for anyone?  If weed is affecting you like crack, it might be time to put the pipe down.  Just sayin'.

Sadly this applies to me with depressant drugs like alcohol, benzos, Ambien & other GABA-ergics.  I don't have a "drinking problem" in the classic sense of consuming large amounts, it's that even tiny amounts turn me into a raging, battle-ready, spit-in-your face monster that wouldn't look out of place on the set of the old Jerry Springer show where the fights were real & brutal.  My dad is the same way, as is my sister.  They've both assaulted grown men in bars while drunk & would've done time for it if they hadn't been white in a small town. 

I was once told by a very close loved one that I'd be locked up & have no friends left if I continued to drink; that was over 20 years ago now.  Giving up booze & downers was no sweat because it's not fun being a depressed miserable sack of crap--I already struggle with depression, anxiety & all the other 'fun' mental burdens that come with being an autard girl in a neurotypical man's world.  I just kept reading up on psychopharmacology & trying things until I found some classes of drugs that did fit my needs, which took a while.  I take drugs to feel better, not worse, & it baffles me that so many other "angry drunks" and paranoid potheads/tweakers continue trying to shove a square peg in an octagonal hole when it's making their lives undeniably worse in every way.  

My blood pressure--which was in Stage I hypertension for years--has been consistently normal since I quit hormonal contraceptives and STARTED taking Adderall/Itravil (!!!) several years ago, and my scary 15-day-per-month migraines have all but vanished.  That should tell you how bad those hormonal meds are for cardio health, but I digress.  I can't imagine the shape my liver, stomach, brain & social life would be in if I'd continued drinking.  And benzos are the worst class of drugs I've ever had the displeasure of taking.  The one time I failed to do my research before taking a prescribed medication and it almost killed me (twice). 


Legality vs. Acceptability vs. Actual Toxicity

Where a lot of people get confused is the legality/social acceptance factor.  "My doctor prescribed this pill to be taken nightly for insomnia!" does not necessarily mean it's safe or healthy to do so, a fact I learned the hard way with benzos.  Likewise, just because alcohol is advertised on every TV channel, billboard & magazine ad this side of Hell doesn't mean it's somehow safer than other drugs, and that includes opioids and stimulants when they're not adulterated with black market poisons or injected with filthy needles.  The drug scheduling system does not take into account the toxicity (cancer-causing, organ-damaging, birth defect inducing) effects of a drug--only it's alleged addictive potential & lack of "accepted medical use," the latter of which is as politically motivated as it is scientific. 

Deadly doses of each drug. Guess which 2 are legal by Rx?

That's because the FDA works for drug companies that have a financial stake in keeping certain drugs like cannabis, kratom & other cheap, abundant & easy-to-grow plant drugs illegal.  See for yourself what the criteria for Schedule I are + which drugs are included and tell me if that's not politically/financially-driven.  Plants like cannabis, khat, peyote, psilocybin mushrooms & several forms of codeine (without hepatotoxic acetaminophen added) are in this totally forbidden class while meth, PCP, cocaine, fentanyl & carfentanil--the elephant tranquilizer that's fatal in doses the size of a grain of salt--are in Schedule II!

And some people just unquestioningly use substances to fit in or due to peer pressure... even late into adulthood.  They see people drinking pretty mixed drinks or indulging in other socially-accepted addictions & assume it's just a normal part of a healthy social life.  This can lead to addiction if the genetics & environmental factors are right.  In fact too many folks don't even view tobacco, alcohol or certain prescription meds as true "drugs" the way heroin or crack are, which is a dangerous delusion.  If you mindlessly consume psychoactive drugs--whether via drinking, injecting, smoking or snorting--and don't have a legitimate REASON for doing so, you're more likely to get into trouble with abuse and addiction.  Using stimulants in medicinal doses to manage ADHD or smoking cannabis to help cope with chronic pain = "legitimate".  Trying to impress some guy at a frat party by doing the best keg stands = not so much.  You've gotta get comfortable turning down drink/drugs that don't agree with you even if "everybody else is doing them".


TL;DR?

Some asshole in a recovery group telling MAT patients they're "not sober".  🙄

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "California sober" is absolutely a legit concept, as is "kratom sober," "methadone/Suboxone sober" and any other form of substitution therapy wherein a toxic drug of abuse is replaced with a more modest dose of a less harmful drug that doesn't cause deleterious behavioral effects in that particular user.  It's no less legit than these inpatient rehabs that allow addicts to chain-smoke tobacco & guzzle black coffee despite a "Zero Tolerance" drug policy (fucking lol).  The whole point of sobriety is to interrupt the cycle of addiction, replace it with healthier habits & SAVE YOUR LIFE.  If you can improve your mental/physical health & social functioning in the process, great.  The goal is not perfection or to be as clean and pure as the driven snow--an unattainable goal because humans aren't perfect and, as already stated, relapse is a normal & expected part of recovery.  It's high time we started acting like it.

Some of these 12-step zealots go around preaching with religious fervor at others who are by all measures doing great in their recovery while using different, less harmful drugs to stay clean from their substances of abuse.  It reeks of white-knuckling & projection in that nobody should be that damned concerned about what another consenting adult takes into his own body.  Methinks they're just jealous they can't use anything mind-altering without falling completely off the wagon & getting trampled to death by the horses.   🐎

This is also how bad drug laws come into existence:  people policing the private behavior of other grown-ass adults because THEY or their addict children/loved ones couldn't handle moderation.  What a peaceful, beautiful & truly FREE country it'd be if those meddlers would turn that focus inward & work on their own betterment instead of lobbying for the Nanny State to lock up non-violent citizens by the millions.         



* There are different paths to recovery and some addicts cannot use any psychoactive drug without fully relapsing on "hard" drugs or their drug of choice, therefore it's necessary for them to avoid ALL mind-altering or recreational drugs in any dose.  But they're a minority despite what the rehab industry tells us.  As this enlightened expert writes, moderation (i.e. taking a lower dose of a drug less frequently) can be a form of harm reduction despite its inherent challenges.  Other forms include choosing a less toxic drug & using a less risky route of administration.  Examples:  Switching from IV street opioids to cannabis or Suboxone taken orally, or trading crystal meth and research chemical stimulants for a legitimate ADHD medication prescription from a doctor if you actually need it.

Things I'm Beyond Tired Of, Vol. 1

 (alternately titled:  "Old Woman Shakes Fist at Sky"):

Actually, much of this was written in early June so it's a bit outdated, though these mostly still apply. 



* Being tired.  I swear I've slept more than I've been awake the last 3 months.  Nothing helps.  My laundry piles up, bathing takes every drop of effort I can muster... my 'To Do' lists literally consist of one item per day like "call ___ back" or "check the mail."  Interestingly I was informed that my THREE cousins are currently going through similarly debilitating sleeping spells.  Yet people (ahem, my mother) still badmouth me for relying on "external sources" of the same dopamine they just naturally have when they wake up every morning.  (Wouldn't that be neat?  To just wake up every morning and like, have a day?) 

Yeah, IDGAF anymore.  Mostly because giving AF requires energy I just don't have.  What a waste of life that is.

* Getting hit on every time I leave my apartment.  It's always so shamelessly over-the-top and never the type of candidate you'd like for it to be, ya know?  Doesn't matter the location or occasion, it never fails: some feisty fellow or determined damsel just HAS to make it awkward or hold me hostage as long as possible no matter the extreme personal cost to me.  I'm talking appointments that should last 7-10 minutes dragging on for 2.5 HOURS. 😳  And that's the least extreme example.  Just once I'd like to see the sun in person without having to rebuff this weird energy.  I dress SUPER casual, skip makeup & avoid eye contact out of necessity (read: the 'tism) so I'd love to know where it's coming from.  I'm clearly the common denominator but WHY?  This is not some kind of obnoxious humblebrag either; I'm literally desperate for answers.  It's not that I don't want a love interest, but there's a way to go about it and That. Ain't. It. 

Also, if you're married or attached I'm not biting.  Not because I have some huge moral objection to being the "homewrecker," a term that's as ridiculous as it is misogynistic--it's on you to keep your vows & relationship boundaries.  It's just that I find it offensive you think I'd settle for crumbs or be flattered that you'd run down your spouse in order to "compliment" me.  F U C K I N G   E W W. 

* People who don't deserve a 2nd chance getting 15 when I can't even get one.  🫤

* Repeatedly testing positive for things like Ecstasy, which I haven't even seen in over a decade.  No nurselady, I'm not on MDMA at 9:30 A.M. on a Tuesday, nor did I take it at my parents' house Monday evening.  Believe me, I'd be in a much better mood if I had.  Maybe read the context clues & not just the faulty $7 pee cup results? 

* Trolls.  Here a troll, there a troll, everywhere a troll-troll.  Or maybe 'catfish' is a better term.  I dunno.  At first it was kinda amusing, now it's filling me with a frustration I can't quite describe.  I'm hip to the foreigners-trying-to-get-money-and-green-cards BS & don't wanna meet new American cyber lovers either.  Nothing personal, that's just not how I use the internet.  If it's someone I know:  just be real with me.  You probably know where I live & likely have my social media, email addy, etc.  Use it.  You'll get a much better response that way.  Take this as your sign:  Reach out as yourself.  Say hi.  Or 'hola.'  Or 'fuck you.'  Anything is better than this.  I understand why someone might want to go 'incognito' in this way, but surely you understand why I would block/ignore a series of obviously fake profiles with stolen & AI-generated pictures in the age of financial scams & identity theft? 

Ugh.  Why can't normal things ever happen to me?   😣

* The abundance of bipolar people in my orbit.  Seriously, there must be an invisible bipolar portal nearby.  There's no shortage of them & most share my last name.  Exceedingly few are properly medicated so it's a cointoss as to whether they'll be in a Hulking rage or tiptoeing through the tulips a la Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music when I see them.  Unpredictability is not my jam, and that goes double for getting my head bitten tf off for no reason.  

* Misogyny/male-on-female violence, both in the media and IRL.  The Olympics nonsense has me ready to pop off at the drop of a hat, but it's a real-life nightmare situation with a very close loved one that's got me seriously concerned.  Frustratingly, nobody else finds it as red flaggy as I do so it feels like I'm pissing in the wind when I warn of danger... at least to an extent.  Thankfully said loved one is more intelligent than both our parents put together so if anyone can figure it out, it's her.   And she's the one person on this Earth who actually takes my advice about serious things like this.  I just wish she didn't have to in this instance.  She deserves better.  😓

* My presence & contributions not being appreciated and people treating me like a second-string friend.  Basically, don't wait until you've burned all your other bridges before crossing mine & expecting a Welcome Home parade on the other side.  Not happenin'.  I know all too well how that game goes:  I listen and listen, nod, listen some more, comfort you and assure you that you're in the right (you usually aren't).  Meanwhile you never ask how I'm doing or show any interest in anything but your own self-inflicted soap opera.  The minute things start looking up for you or I enter a rough patch, you ditch me. 

Just because someone's a good listener doesn't mean they should be expected to do it for free & then used as a stepping stone to your next "life chapter" or whatever narcissistic thing the Stuart Smalleys of the world are calling it nowadays.  Time is too precious to waste on bad friends.  (Thankfully I have some truly amazing ones but they're few & far between).  From here on out I'm bailing the millisecond I get even a whiff of this BS and you should too.  It's every bit as disrespectful as being called a hateful slur or some of the other things we consider unacceptable, it's just more gradual and subtle.  A dull ache that comes in waves can hurt every bit as much as a sudden stabbing pain, they're just different kinds of hurt.  

* Everything costing thrice as much & service being half as good as when it was semi-affordable.  Medication shortages, empty and picked-over grocery store shelves, shabby crumbling crackhouses being sold for a cool $115,000.  If people in the 1950s could've seen the America of 2024, they would've thought we lost the Cold War.  If they could see our presidential candidates they would've laughed themselves into a stupor.  After some more laughter & a long pregnant pause they'd say something to the effect of:  "Well there's your problem, Hoss: you've sold the country out to billionaires & their lackeys.  Now get outta my face before I take you to Fist City.  Reckon I've got no use for sissified milksops like you anyhow.  I've got a fallout shelter to build.  Now GIT!" 

Or something.

* Materialistic people addicted to buying literal junk and judging you if your values don't align.  This kinda goes along with the last point in that it involves the worship of money & believing the lies of capitalists.  These people will go into debt for junk, shitbomb their relationships over it, take on multiple jobs to afford it.  Then they'll turn right around and call YOU an addict, as if blowing every dime you earn on non-necessities and being a workaholic aren't addictions. 

"But work is a GOOD thing!  Your worth as a human being depends on it!"  --- Some Ableist Asshole  

More work = better person!  Trinkets = success!" --- Materialistic Moron

Follow me here:  What if those are merely justifications to help you cope with the undeniable reality that you're giving the best years of your life to psychopaths who would replace you by day's end if you died on the factory floor?  People who will use you up like a dirty diaper and throw you away the second you're too old, sick, pregnant, injured or crazy to make them rich(er) while they push paper around in an air conditioned suite all day? 

Well that's exactly what's happening.  Your lofty "life path" is a diversion you created to distract yourself from the fact that you're gonna die someday--everyone you love is.  Everyone you hate is.  Everyone on your block is.  You just don't know how, when or who's gonna go first.  And that scares you to no end so you create things like religion and "hustle culture" to divert your attention elsewhere temporarily.  Buying redundant crap by the truckload serves the same purpose.  But it comes at a high price:  your time, energy, unique skill, effort, relationships & health.  Things you can never get back once they're gone.  You can't put a price on those precious gifts, yet they're constantly & offensively undervalued by greedy employers who kill you by stealing your time & converting it into THEIR payday. 

Your smug hatred of the poor and disabled is a projection of your righteous but misdirected anger onto people who have done nothing to you; people who take approximately a dime a day from your paycheck in the form of social welfare programs while billionaires receive corporate welfare (tax breaks, subsidies, massive government bailouts every 10 or so years when their business fails, etc) to the tune of trillions.  Railing against welfare & the poor is a cowardly & counterproductive way to avoid this ugly truth & confronting those who ARE making your life Hell.  Now multiply "you" by 333 million-ish Americans & you start to see why there's so much pent up rage manifesting as mass shootings, child & domestic abuse of all kinds, addiction, obesity, mental illness, suicide & other "deaths of despair" in the U.S.  I guess all those trinkets also serve as a consolation prize for participating in this RAT  DOG  HUMAN race.

[Pause]

* Passive-aggressive communication.  I'm generally very chill and open about things if you say them TO me.  It's when you talk ABOUT me in my absence that it becomes a problem.  If you want to ask me something or have an opinion on my life, tell ME.  Don't act like things are fine in the moment, sit around stewing about some non-issue and then blow up or try to sabotage me.  Be in touch enough with your feelings to notice & address issues as they arise--if you fail to bring it to my attention that I've done something wrong in a timely manner, that's on you and you need to move on. 

Oh, and be mature enough to sit hard conversations out once they're underway.  Don't get up and walk out, change the subject, make a joke to deflect, go to bed mid-discussion, bring a third party into it or otherwise cut the conversation off before it's resolved.  As much as I abhor confrontation, I won't tuck tail and run in the middle of one.  That's coward shit & you're ensuring that it's all been for naught because nothing gets resolved that way.  Keep the peace when you can; talk things through when you can't.  (Within reason, of course.  It's fine to say "Babe we've been at this for over an hour.  Can we reschedule the discussion for tomorrow after work?"  Also:  There's constructive-but-difficult conversation and there's toxic verbal abuse.  This does not apply to the latter, which you should shut down as soon as possible).

Think that about covers it for this edition.  Join me next time to see what's getting my goat then.  Will it be school children on my lawn?  Traitors who disrespect the flag?  Saggy pants & loud rap music?  (I'm really not a miserable score-keeping harpie, STG.  Just bored, overheated, sexually frustrated & in need of a dopamine boost.  You're a certified champ if you made it this far.  Thanks for listening to me vent... Not like I have anywhere else to do it.  😔  Hope everyone's summer is tits.  (.)_(.)

My Self-Care Looks Like...

 ...respecting and HONORING the science when it comes to my health.  Even when it's inconvenient.  That means maintaining a healthy Body Mass Index, avoiding alcohol/tobacco & promiscuous unprotected sex, staying up to date on all my necessary vaccines, engaging in good personal hygiene including universal precautions during contagious outbreaks, practicing harm reduction with my drugs of choice & getting at least 8 hours of sleep.  To name a few.

If there's one thing I can't stand it's hypocrisy & double standards.  In this age of catchy sound bites like "follow the science!," which has been pushed particularly hard by liberals, I still see far too much denialism when it comes to things like the "body positivity/fat acceptance movement" & cultural acceptance of alcohol abuse.  Basically, everyone wants to push "the science" until it's THEIR vice or pet pseudoscientific belief that's under the scientific microscope. 

Recall a few years back when the FDA encouraged women of childbearing age who weren't on birth control to avoid ingesting any alcohol lest they fall pregnant & damage their fetus without realizing it (around 50% of all pregnancies are unplanned)--the backlash was unreal.  Cries of sexism & misogyny drowned out the important message that yes, ethanol is the single worst intoxicant that can be consumed during pregnancy (no other drug has its own fetal "syndrome"), and the 1st trimester is the worst time it can be consumed (note that there's no safe time, type or amount of alcohol during pregnancy).  Not very "pro-science" & certainly not a good look in the responsibility/maturity department. 

Unless you agree to get an abortion if you should have an unplanned pregnancy after drinking, this applies to you.  Take it up with biology & the toxic nature of alcohol.  Not infertile, using contraception correctly 100% of the time or committed to terminating a pregnancy should you end up drinking before you know you're pregnant?  Then you're making a conscious choice to inflict harm on your unborn baby.  A "baby" I'd normally refer to as a clump of cells, except that you're planning to carry it to term which means it's a future human & therefore deserving of a healthy prenatal environment.  Sentencing a child to a lifetime of birth defects and mental/physical/emotional disabilities is infinitely more "offensive" than advising women of childbearing age not to drink poison unless they're committed to using contraception and/or terminating the pregnancy.  

And flashback to the COVID pandemic when people--overwhelmingly conservative--were claiming in true hysterical fashion that paper masks "cut off their oxygen supply" and didn't prevent the spread of COVID anyway.  Never mind that study after incredibly detailed study proved that yes, when everyone wears the right type of mask in the right way, masking significantly cuts down on the amount of live virus in the air and thus, dramatically reduces the number and severity of COVID infections contracted in indoor spaces.  Instead of just saying they don't like how masks look or feel, they had to make up retarded lies about oxygen deprivation that any dentist or surgeon who operates for long periods wearing a mask could debunk.  But that wasn't enough:  they also hyperbolically compared them to dog muzzles, which are used to keep canines from biting & eating non-food items... not to prevent the spread of airborne germs.  And I distinctly recall some idiotic argument about how being able to smell farts through pants proved that masks were ineffective for preventing the spread of COVID, a virus. 

A-1 debate tactics there, Einsteins.   🤦🏻‍♀

Prez Trump poses proudly with his all-American junk food.

It's this type of delusional "believe-whatever-supports-my-biases-&-then-do-whatever-destructive-shit-I-want-in-service-of-those-biases" thinking that has led Americans off a cliff with their health for the last 100+ years, and it's only getting worse.  (See:  Monkeypox).  From our diets to our workaholic ways to our chronic sleep deprivation, sedentary lifestyles & general ignorance about germ theory & how illness is spread, we would get at best a D- on a national health evaluation compared to other developed nations.  What used to be called "Adult Onset Diabetes" has now been detected in FETUSES, for fuck's sake.  We couldn't be doing much worse, yet every time the issue comes up, we roundly reject things like the universal health care ("socialism!") that all other developed nations receive in favor of the racket that is private insurance, big Pharma price gouging & insane medical fees/copays.  Then we turn around & bleat about the price of medicine & hospital stays as if we didn't just shit in our own bed and ask "who shat the bed?" 

No baby, that's not "socialism," it's called getting something back for your tax dollars.  Something that, again, every other developed nation on Earth offers its people.  Not too bright I tell yew whut. 



Faith & Feelings vs. Fact

This country was founded on religious freedom, which is great in theory but we've taken that (like many other things) way too far, confusing our right to believe in whatever deity/religion we want and applying it to literally everything else.  The problem is, hard sciences don't allow for that much diversity of opinion.  Just as 2 + 2 = 4, masks prevent & reduce the spread of COVID & other airborne contagions.  All the "belief" in the world won't change the reality that  COVID is a viral particle, not a gaseous odor, and unlike a fart it cannot penetrate through 2 correctly worn masks in amounts high enough to cause severe illness.*  All the "faith" in the world won't change the fact that COVID is highly infectious, damages blood vessels throughout the body & can cause both acute & long-term health problems including death--something too many people only realized on their death beds.  And just like a math problem, scientists can "show their work" and prove how they've come to these conclusions.

Reality also doesn't care if you think the FDA & CDC's advice to abstain from booze is "sexist" or your doctor's recommendation to lose a few lbs is "fatphobic"--it doesn't change the fact that those things are best medical practice & will prevent unnecessary suffering/disease.  Feelings might trump facts in polite society or politically correct spaces like Twitter, but not in the science and medicine world.  The same is true for the War on Drugs, which is an abject failure.  Take your hysterical, hateful feelings about "lazy junkies" out of the equation & you'll see that giving people a safe drug supply not controlled by cartels & gangs is the sane thing to do & would end the overdose crisis nearly overnight, along with many other aspects of the illegal drug trade (violence, petty crime).  These things require no faith/belief and are not changed one bit by your taking offense at them.  

Speaking of which, the U.S. is in the throes of 2 dual epidemics--mental illness & addiction--unlike any we've ever seen.   Deaths of despair--suicide, alcohol-induced liver disease & drug overdoses--are hitting white people, particularly white males, especially hard in places like West Virginia, Wisconsin, Delaware & Pennsylvania, where opioids have provided an alluring if temporary escape from the crushing poverty that runs rampant throughout Appalachia & other parts of rural America for a very long time now.  What's being done about this entirely preventable crisis?  Clearly not enough based on the numbers.

* Masks are part of a layered approach to preventing COVID:  They work best when paired with vaccines, distancing, ventilation & proper hand hygiene but even when ONLY masks are used, they greatly reduced the amount of virus in the air.

Hypocrisy:  America's real favorite pastime.

Who among us is perfect?  I'll be the first to admit: I am far, far too sedentary & socially isolated.  My diet is and has always been unadulterated crap thanks to my sensory issues.  I deal with a lot of chronic pain & fatigue & I use psychoactive substances to self-medicate both.  But I have my vitals checked every 3 months along with a urinalysis & a full blood/organ workup every 6 months.  My BMI is smack dab in the middle of "normal", I don't drink or smoke tobacco at all, no red meat, rarely eat out, have no STDs (according to some very invasive tests I really didn't wanna take), normal blood pressure/blood sugar & I recently lowered my cholesterol 34 points in 3 months just by giving up butter.  🤦🏻‍♀  I've never had an abnormal liver or kidney test even in the midst of abusing codeine with large amounts of acetaminophen (which I no longer do) because I did cold water extractions & took liver supplements that specifically reverse Tylenol overdose.  Provided they don't self-destruct, the people in my family live to be well over 80 on both sides.  I'm not sure whether I consider that a positive or not yet but my genetic outlook is good at least.  

I brush my teeth 2-3 times a day to combat the tooth decay caused by dry mouth from autoimmune disease & severe acid reflux, and so far I've managed to keep most of my real teeth.  I wash my hands more times per day than is probably necessary & bathe at least once a day.  While I could definitely eat better, I do take a quality multi-vitamin and extra Vitamin D for energy, and I drink tons of water.  Nearly a gallon per day.  Other supplements include N-acetylcysteine & D-mannose.  My sleep "schedule" is non-existent but I aim for at least 8 hours in a row when I finally crash & usually get more than that.  I've never really worn makeup, nail polish or used many multi-ingredient skin/beauty products--all of which are sources of endocrine-disrupting crap & ingredients banned in other countries.  And I haven't used tampons since I was 15 because they increase my pain so bad.  Thankfully.  

I have no use for cell phones, which have been linked to bone spurs in the neck, distracted driving, sleep disruption, myopia (nearsightedness, for which I've already had surgery) & a small but statistically significant risk of cancer due to radiofrequency radiation.  This risk is higher in kids who are smaller & have developing brains.  In 2010 France banned the sale of cell phones to kids under 6 for this reason & most Western countries have banned their use in the classroom to reduce childhood exposure to this radiation.  Not us...  Parents in the U.S. have actually fought against cellphone bans in the classroom because being distracted is great for education & who are YOU to stop my kid from developing glioma you meddlin' big gubmint bitch?  



Smart Enough to Run The Machines...

TL;DR - I think our faltering education system is at the root of many of our other problems in this nation.  A society that can't think critically & doesn't even know the difference between facts & opinions won't know when they're being screwed over, which seems to be just what the lawmakers & billionaires in charge want.  To paraphrase George Carlin:  "They want a nation of workers just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough not to see how badly they're getting fucked by a system that threw them overboard 30 fucking years ago."  This might be why all these uppity Wine Moms who freak out about the dangers of "drugs" while stuffing their worship-holes full of Sonic food & standing by their serial cheating mayun despite his numerous unprotected affairs tend to be doing a lot worse healthwise than this drug user of 23 years.  Just sayin'.

Perhaps if our leaders told the truth about the proportional harms of various vices & habits, we would have a war on the junk food & alcohol industries, sleep deprivation, exploitative bosses overworking us to death & product manufacturers lacing our everyday products with toxic metals & other poisons instead of a War on (Some) Drugs.  Perhaps in that alternate universe our military wouldn't have had to lower their recruitment standards & start accepting candidates who are unfit to serve.  They did this because obesity rates among active duty members doubled in the last decade, putting total numbers of overweight or obese service members at a whopping 68%.  America's junkfood addiction is officially a national security issue, yet our media & leaders stay hyperfocused on the "drug scourge" while notably doing nothing to actually help addicts not die.

#priorities     🇺🇲  🍔 🍺 🔫  📺  🏈 🛢 🍩 🧑🏻‍🍼 🧜🏻‍♂⚧ 🤳🏽 🖕🏽 🦠 🤠

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Drug Adulteration Warning: Mexican Pharmacies

Planning on going down South to score some cheap OTC benzos, opioids, muscle relaxers or stimulants from a Mexican pharmacy before the Summer's over?  Think again.  Reputable-looking pharmacies in some of the most popular tourist destinations like Tulum, Tijuana, Cabo San Lucas & Nuevo Progreso have been caught selling counterfeit medications supplied by cartels, with fake oxycodone, hydrocodone, Xanax and Adderall being among the most common offenders.  Yes, completely legit pharmacies are doing this shit & it has resulted in an unknown number of American deaths.  And yes, the FDA/U.S. government has known since at least 2019. 

Adderall (amphetamine) isn't even a legally prescribed drug in Mexico so that should be a huge tip off.  Sure enough, every single Mexican "amphetamine" sample tested came back positive for dangerous adulterants ranging from meth to aminorex--a drug banned all over the world since the '70s for causing fenfluramine-like heart & lung damage.  Fentanyl was found in both oxy- and hydrocodone samples, as well as other classes of non-opioid drugs like fake Xanax. 

Worse, traces of the non-opioid drug xylazine, known by the street name "tranq dope" also showed up in these pharmaceutical buys.  Xylazine is used in veterinary medicine as a tranquilizer of large animals like horses & has been declared a public health threat by the Biden-Harris administration as a deadly combination ingredient mixed with street fentanyl since April 2023.  This scary substance has become increasingly prevalent in the U.S. black market since the advent of fentanyl-specific laws that punish dealers when a customer ODs.  Because xylazine is not an opioid, naloxone has no effect on an overdose & it can't be detected by test strips the way fentanyl can, making it an effectively more dangerous adulterant. 

See that, drug warriors?  Those are the consequences of your actions in real time.

Some legitimate (not necessarily "safe") Mexican stimulants.

Once upon a time, Americans could go to Mexico and score legit pharmaceuticals without a prescription & even bring them back across the border with relative ease.  I know a couple older ladies who did it often.  Everything from hydrocodone to pentobarbital... anything you wanted.  But with the rise of illicit fentanyl, that time is over.  In fact Mexico is Ground Zero for the fentanyl epidemic worldwide so buyers should be hesitant purchasing street drugs in North America period since the cartels supply the bulk of them.  But if you go directly into Mexico as a gringo tourist and buy drugs, you should pretty much expect the worst whether you're standing in a back alley buying illicit drugs or a well-lit licensed pharmacy purchasing Rx meds.*   Yes, that includes drugs whose effects are the polar opposite of fentanyl, like cocaine, MDMA & meth.  No substance is safe.


Harm Reduction in the Time of Tranq Dope

The cartels are powerful but they can't taint every drug on the black or grey market, nor would they want to.  They aren't doing this because they hate Americans & want to punish us for our freedoms (lol), they do it to make a profit.  And it's not profitable or a good use of time to bother adding drugs like fentanyl to substances that are weak, obscure or not highly popular in wealthy drug-using countries like the U.S. or UK.  And if the drug is legal or damn near legal in its country of origin, they REALLY aren't gonna risk adding illegal street drugs to it because that would waste time & money while adding to the risk.  The goal of adulterating drugs is to reduce cost and risk and boost profits like fentanyl does when substituted for, say, heroin which requires entire fields of poppies to be grown, harvested & processed into morphine and then heroin.  That's because fentanyl is more potent per milligram and fully synthetic, requiring no poppies to be grown or processed.  Fentanyl is actually active in micrograms.

If you must buy meds from Mexico (please don't), opt for safer stimulant options like fenproporex, clobenzorex, mazindol, diethylpropion & Acxion (Phentermine) over Adderall or other amphetamines.  All of these are either considered weak & undesirable (Phentermine) in the States, are not prescribed here (clobenzorex) or are completely unheard of (fenproporex).  Despite this, some are quite potent & have definite medicinal value, particularly if you suffer from ADHD or need a weight loss aid.  Unlike our Schedule II stimulants, these are far less tightly regulated in Mexico which means the likelihood of adulteration is lower.  They're also obscure in the U.S. which means cartels aren't as likely to tamper with them because there's not a huge market of (comparatively) rich gringos seeking them out.

As for pain medications, this chart shows some of the most common meds prescribed in palliative care clinics in Mexico:

This list is not all-inclusive.  

 

The best way to find out which pharmaceuticals are legal in a given country is to Google the molecule name to find out what brand names they're sold by there, as they won't always be called "MS Contin" or "Valium" or whatever we call it here.  (For instance, Google "Diazepam brand name Mexico"). 

Always use the molecule name when Googling--i.e. alprazolam, not "Xanax"--and go from there.  You can often find more results on Google Images than the regular search page.  Cartels often choose a popular brand-name American drug like "Adderall" or "Xanax bars" and make fakes containing fentanyl & other deadly drugs, which is what makes those particular substances so risky.  Why American drugs?  Because we consume more prescription and illegal drugs than any nation on the planet, our overdose & addiction crisis dwarfing that of other peer nations like Portugal, France or Germany.  

We are #1.  🇺🇲  (via Commonwealthfund.org)

As for Diazepam:  You may find fake Valium for sale in Mexico, but ain't nobody making fake "Ifafonal".  Tourists would look at you like you were crazy if you tried to sell them Ifafonal on the street (little do they know it's just the Mexican brand name for Diazepam). If a medication comes in a blister pack inside a box with a fold-out set of dosing instructions, it's more likely to be legit than anything that's sold individually as loose pills in a bottle or bag even if they come from a reputable pharmacy/farmacia.  This is no guarantee so you'll still need to use a fentanyl test strip to rule out that nasty class of adulterants, but it's certainly better than the alternative.  Legitimate medications are NEVER sold by the pill and they weren't even before the fentanyl crisis when U.S. tourists bought Rx meds without a prescription in Mexico, so this should be an instant red flag that the drug you're buying is from a cartel origin and not safe to ingest.

The totally random brand name of Mexican diazepam.

While less popular medicines might still be of questionable quality in other countries (shady binders/fillers, expired, sat out in the sun too long), they're far less likely to be completely adulterated because the profit motive is not there.  Black market vendors target the most potent and/or popular drugs in a given market, not the weaker or more obscure ones.  That means if heroin & OxyContin are the opioids-of-choice of addicts & are constantly talked about by the media in the U.S, cartels are not going to bother tampering with codeine, kratom or tramadol pills, let alone even more obscure opioids like Darvocet or Tapentadol.  However that could always change if the popularity of those drugs increases dramatically or if drug laws change suddenly. 

That's the thing about the illegal drug market:  nothing is set in stone.  It's an ever-changing entity with dangers that morph & change with the seasons.  Which is why legalization is so critically important.  Yet we're going in the opposite direction, continuing to criminalize each new compound as it comes along, resulting in the disaster we have now with nitazenes & tranq dope.  

When in doubt, use a $1 fentanyl test strip on your pills or powders, and keep in mind that there is no test for nitazenes or xylazine (tranq dope).  If something seems too good to be true, it likely is.  Reputable pharmacies don't give out loose pills from bottles or bags to tourists with no prescription, let alone for as cheap as some of these pharmacies are doing it. 

If you absolutely MUST use a drug you bought in a Mexican pharmacy, start with a tiny sub-therapeutic tester dose to check for allergies/adulteration & never use alone.  Make sure your sober friend has naloxone on hand and knows how to administer it.  It will generally keep you alive until an ambulance arrives if the adulterant is a fentanyl analogue.  But "alive" doesn't guarantee no brain or other organ damage & your life is worth so much more than any cheap high.  Also keep in mind that naloxone is worthless for adulterants like xylazine, which is not an opioid. 

Short of full legalization, not giving your money to cartel scum & their supporters is the best way to starve these greedy bastards out.  💚

North American Nightmare:  Liquid fentanyl found in Canada for 1st time recently.  

* Not all pharmacies in Mexico are implicated in this practice.  The only ones found to be doing it are the ones willing to supply customers with prescription drugs without a prescription.  They often keep loose pills in bags or bottles under/behind the counter & sell them by the pill to anyone who asks.  Also:  "legitimate" does not necessarily = "safe".  A medicine can be unsafe despite containing only the ingredients listed on the label.  The Mexican weight loss drug Redotex is a good example of this.  Always do your due diligence before taking any substance.  Know your body, know your drug & know your source.

The Message is Clear: XX not XY in Women's Sports

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Drug Offenses Worse Than Child Rape; Terrorism

 

Non-violent drug offenses = same sentence as worst terrorist act in U.S. history.

"Child rape?  No problem.  A little weed?  Get her outta there." --- Olympics Committee

Just a couple of news stories that crossed my feed this week.  Forgive the godawful graphics but I was too pissed to do better.  

In what universe is smoking marijuana a more serious crime than child rape?  Scratch that, in what universe is testing positive for ANY drug worse than a violent crime involving rape of a 12-year-old girl by a 19-year-old adult?  Most people would agree that a depraved predator like Mr. van de Velde has no business walking free after 3 useless years behind bars, let alone representing his country in the Olympics.  Apparently the Dutch justice system doesn't see it as a serious crime and the Olympics committee feels that the "crime" of ingesting THC to cope with your mom's death is more unforgivable than ruining a little girl's life in one of the most brutal ways possible.

And what can even be said about the fact that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and the other 9/11 terrorist masterminds were allowed to "strike a plea deal" with prosecutors after committing the largest terrorist attack in this nation's history?  Timothy McVeigh was put to death in record time but these animals kill 2,996 people and get the same sentence as George Martorano, a first-time non-violent offender sentenced to LIFE Without Parole for dealing drugs.  No matter how you feel about capital punishment, if there was ever a case where someone deserved to die, it's one in which they killed nearly 3,000 innocent people & kicked off the most powerful nation in the world's chaotic slide into Civil War & global irrelevance.  So let's give these guys the same sentence as someone merely engaged in the capitalistic game of supply & demand, selling a product for which there's a huge and unquenchable demand--drugs!  Totally reasonable.  😒  And Mr. Martorano is not alone:  19-year-old Ronald Evans also got Life Without Parole for dealing drugs in 1993 while Sherman Chester got life for selling coke and heroin in 1999.  There's no shortage of other outrageous stories just like these for anyone who takes the time to look.    

These are just 2 stories in a sea of injustices regarding the treatment of non-violent drug offenses compared to barbaric crimes like rape, child rape, murder & terrorist attacks.  Some crimes shouldn't allow for plea deals and you're looking at 2 of them.  As long as sentences are going to be completely arbitrary, why not go on a violent raping/killing spree & hope for the best?  You may get the death penalty or you may get a 20-year sentence with time off for "good behavior".  There's no rhyme or reason behind the sentences handed out at all, which defeats the purpose of incarceration.  Prison should be reserved for people who pose a threat to society, not tax-dodgers whose lifestyles you disagree with.  It needs to be a predictable consequence to terrible anti-social acts, now whateverthefuck these pedo-enabling judges are using it for.  

And the Olympics Committee has been corrupt so this is no surprise.  But just because it's not shocking doesn't mean we should quietly accept it.  This is the real-world effect of criminalizing the non-crime of drug possession & use, and these stories are absolutely representative of our prison population because over 50% of inmates in federal prisons are incarcerated for drug law violations.  At any given time, around half a million Americans are locked up on drug offenses.  That's 10x the number incarcerated for drug crimes in 1980.  And remember the controversial privacy-annihilating Patriot Act, which was supposed to be for the purpose of catching would-be terrorists before they strike?  Turns out it's been overwhelmingly used to catch DRUG DEALERS, not terrorists.  See for yourself.   

To top it all off we're not even benefitting from this vile charade:  drugs are more potent, more abundant/available, cheaper & more likely to be adulterated now than at any time in this country's history.  It's past time the U.S. and other civilized nations start treating violent crime with the seriousness it deserves & stop punishing decent people for the nonviolent act of drug use, which amounts to a personal lifestyle choice.  I weep for the families of the 9/11 victims who have to live with the knowledge that the animals that masterminded the attacks get to live out their lives while their innocent loved ones had theirs brutally ripped away all those years ago--that those 2,996 lives didn't equal the lives of THREE worthless murderers in the eyes of our legal system.  I dare not call it a "justice" system because fuck that.  

This is what you support when you support the War on Drugs.  

Thoughts on the Angela Carini Olympics Battery Situation

(I refuse to put the offender's name in the title because every other article leads with that.  We center women and victims here).  

Regarding this abhorrent, disgraceful situation at the Olympics (one of several):  You can probably already guess my stance if you're a long-time reader, but I'm going to give it anyway because I'm so sick to death of this kind of thing I feel it can't be ignored.  First of all, I find it absolutely disturbing how many people are just parroting what the media is saying about this XY intersex person being "female" simply because (s)he identifies that way.  The killing part is that it's the "follow the science/facts over feelings" crowd crowing the loudest.  I have to wonder if people are playing dumb to an extent when they say things like "But her birth certificate says "Female!" or simply "SHE IS A WOMAN!!!!!11!!1!"

How s/he "identifies" doesn't count for shit in a contact sport like boxing unless you're hoping to see her opponent die in the ring.  High levels of testosterone--whether occurring naturally in a male or intersex person or administered to a female or trans person from exogenous sources--confer advantages in sports that are so numerous they're hard to quantify but I'll try.  These include increased lung capacity, muscle mass & strength, aerobic endurance, height, stronger/larger bones & higher hemoglobin levels to name a FEW. When the person has gone through male puberty the advantage is even more pronounced.  This leg up can easily turn deadly when introduced into a sport like boxing.  In addition, women get concussions more easily than men due to leaner nerve fibers so this is even more dangerous.

Identify however you want in your everyday life but a line must be drawn in the boxing ring and other sex-segregated sports (like they've always been).  When your T levels are so high you've failed gender tests, THERE'S THE FUCKING LINE.   ----------------

Whoomp, there it is.

Now let's talk about how this tiny minority's feelings are being given consideration over the physical safety & Olympic aspirations of a majority of female athletes who lack this advantage.  Read that again: a minority's FEELINGS are being given consideration over a majority's SAFETY.  That's never okay no matter who the minority/majority are, though clearly some would beg to differ.  Nobody's claiming the intersex athletes asked for this advantage, but nevertheless they have it.  The misogyny lies in the fact that they are being allowed to put the safety and hard work of the female athletes in jeopardy despite being a tiny minority & having an unfair advantage.  Sound like any other group you know ⚧f?   

Go ahead & support this mess, but what you not gonna do is convince me that this is the progressive moral stance because it isn't.  It's most likely the fetish of some sick SOB at the top of the Olympic committee who gets off seeing women get beaten bloody by men.  The Olympics have a long and storied history of sexism and misogyny so this year shouldn't be any different.  The mainstream media is no better.  Literally every article & think piece is focused on Khelif and their feelings/experience, not the woman who got a broken nose in 46 seconds in the ring with them.  If you don't see the blatant woman-hating bias in that, it might be time to step back from Twitter & your other echo chambers and look within because I can't help you.  You sound indistinguishable from the "equal rights, equal lefts" crowd and clearly just want to see women brutalized for sport.  Great, then just fucking say that & quit hiding behind the "she's a real woman for really reals real!" nonsense.  At least the right wing owns their hatred of us.  Well, at least when they're not hiding behind the Bible and blaming God for their misogyny.  

Fuck, it really sucks being a woman in 2024.    😞

This is Caster Semenya 2.0, it's just that the world's gone mad in the intervening years.  The exclusive focus on Khelif's feelings and POV and not the woman he assaulted tells us everything we need to know about the respective sexes of these parties.  Women's physical safety has always come a distant second to the feelings of men.  Not that I'd expect the "words are violence but physical violence is fine" crowd to understand. 

YIKES.  WTF does race have to do with anything?

Khelif is scheduled to fight another woman from Hungary in the next few days and I'm sure that'll go great too.  He'll either throw the fight or bludgeon her to death if she doesn't tap out like Carini smartly did.  Either way I won't be watching because I saw enough male-on-female violence where I grew up to last a lifetime.  Yes, I said male.  No woman has XY chromosomes, excess testosterone, undescended testes & a malformed penis.   And this is why it's so vital that our leaders are able to answer the question "What is a woman?" in a direct and straightforward manner.   A woman is an adult human female with two X chromosomes & large gametes (eggs) with estrogen & progesterone predominating in the reproductive years.   But it's also about what she DOESN'T have:  a penis, testes, sperm & an excess of testosterone.  Sure this question is pedantic and annoying, but the fact that nobody's asking "What is a man?" should bother everyone because it indicates that this entire discussion is one-sided; that women are the only ones whose identities & hard won rights are up for debate or a vote. 

Again, facts are not amenable to your feelings and this is just the reality.  While Khelif may ALSO have a vagina and some other female parts, the presence of testosterone is what makes her/him male for the purpose of contact sports.  Please look into Klinefelter Syndrome because that's likely what (s)he has and it's not nearly as much of a grey area as they're making it out to be.  It's a spectrum and some men with it can even make babies.  This is a testosterone-insensitive male who was marked as female at birth due to the absence of a normal penis and testes, though the testes are simply undescended.  However they still produce testosterone in amounts exceeding normal female levels, hence the failed gender test.  As this doctor points out, there are likely a high concentration of these people who are high-level athletes because of their natural advantages, which is unfortunate for both them and their opponents who are now all being subjected to this controversy. 

I believe it's high time that trans & intersex people have their own leagues and divisions so they can compete in an equitable way that's fair for everybody.  Either that or compete in the men's.  "Women" has become a catchall category for females, intersex people, transwoman and transmen, which is absolute horseshit.  The fact that some of us aren't taking it lying down has clearly angered the woman haters among us who believe it's our duty to quietly bear the burdens of men in their many incarnations.  To them we say you can die mad because we're not doing it anymore.  You may continue to oppress us but you'll never stop us from speaking out against our oppression.