Quick PSA About the Drugs You're Taking

If the substances you're using aren't making you a happier, more motivated, proficient and mentally stable version of yourself, you're using the wrong substances.  While most of us are aware that drugs are not a long-term solution to life's big problems & can indeed come with their own, they should at least make you feel and/or function better in the short-term.  Read that shit again, all of it.  If they're not doing that, what the hell is the point of using them?  To feel & behave worse than you do stone sober?  I'll wait while you try & fail to answer that.    ⏰

That said, even if you have a history of addiction you (usually*) don't have to be 100% sober from all psychoactive drugs for the rest of your natural life.  It's a nice thought and a good thing to strive toward, but unrealistic for most people & downright dangerous for others.   Applying the purity culture mentality to drugs is no more effective or logical than doing it with sex.  It's a form of black-and-white, all-or-nothing, Madonna/whore thinking that can turn a temporary relapse--which is a normal part of recovery--into an excuse to beat yourself up because of the illusion that you "lost" your time clean up to that point & the sobriety clock is starting over.  This puts you in danger of a more serious or lasting relapse because, as long as you're "throwing away" your progress why not go big?  That's to say nothing of the overdose risk with drugs like ultra-potent opioids when addicts go the cold turkey/detox route in inpatient rehab & (almost inevitably) relapse when they get out, dropping dead because their tolerance is in the basement... a horrifying topic deserving of its own 7,000-word expose in TIME Magazine.  

So yeah, go easy on yourself if you are less than a teetotaling Puritan for the rest of your days.  But for the love of all things holy, choose a drug that agrees with your neurochemistry & doesn't turn you into a raging psychotic bundle of belligerent flesh mumbling nonsense at police through a spithood in the drunk tank of your local jail.  The cold, hard reality is that everybody can't do every drug, and that includes the socially acceptable ones like alcohol, pot & caffeine.  We all react wildly different to the same substances, which is why you can't assume that "one drink" or "one toke" is gonna be okay for you like it is your friend/sister/boss/whoever.  For some people, that "one" serving turns into an unstoppable binge of much "harder" drugs and therein lies the problem; for others, even low doses of said substance cause unpredictable mood swings, hallucinations or violent outbursts almost akin to an allergic reaction within the brain.


Paradoxical & Adverse Reactions

Think I'm exaggerating?  My insane uncle came THISCLOSE to bashing two Middle Eastern hotel owners over the head with a Louisville Slugger while high on fucking POT, a drug he uses daily, because his paranoia was so severe.  He convinced himself they were "Al-Qaeda" (ugh 😫) and had the bat over his head ready to swing from behind when his much cooler-headed wife tackled his ass just in time.  Remind me again how that's enjoyable for anyone?  If weed is affecting you like crack, it might be time to put the pipe down.  Just sayin'.

Sadly this applies to me with depressant drugs like alcohol, benzos, Ambien & other GABA-ergics.  I don't have a "drinking problem" in the classic sense of consuming large amounts, it's that even tiny amounts turn me into a raging, battle-ready, spit-in-your face monster that wouldn't look out of place on the set of the old Jerry Springer show where the fights were real & brutal.  My dad is the same way, as is my sister.  They've both assaulted grown men in bars while drunk & would've done time for it if they hadn't been white in a small town. 

I was once told by a very close loved one that I'd be locked up & have no friends left if I continued to drink; that was over 20 years ago now.  Giving up booze & downers was no sweat because it's not fun being a depressed miserable sack of crap--I already struggle with depression, anxiety & all the other 'fun' mental burdens that come with being an autard girl in a neurotypical man's world.  I just kept reading up on psychopharmacology & trying things until I found some classes of drugs that did fit my needs, which took a while.  I take drugs to feel better, not worse, & it baffles me that so many other "angry drunks" and paranoid potheads/tweakers continue trying to shove a square peg in an octagonal hole when it's making their lives undeniably worse in every way.  

My blood pressure--which was in Stage I hypertension for years--has been consistently normal since I quit hormonal contraceptives and STARTED taking Adderall/Itravil (!!!) several years ago, and my scary 15-day-per-month migraines have all but vanished.  That should tell you how bad those hormonal meds are for cardio health, but I digress.  I can't imagine the shape my liver, stomach, brain & social life would be in if I'd continued drinking.  And benzos are the worst class of drugs I've ever had the displeasure of taking.  The one time I failed to do my research before taking a prescribed medication and it almost killed me (twice). 


Legality vs. Acceptability vs. Actual Toxicity

Where a lot of people get confused is the legality/social acceptance factor.  "My doctor prescribed this pill to be taken nightly for insomnia!" does not necessarily mean it's safe or healthy to do so, a fact I learned the hard way with benzos.  Likewise, just because alcohol is advertised on every TV channel, billboard & magazine ad this side of Hell doesn't mean it's somehow safer than other drugs, and that includes opioids and stimulants when they're not adulterated with black market poisons or injected with filthy needles.  The drug scheduling system does not take into account the toxicity (cancer-causing, organ-damaging, birth defect inducing) effects of a drug--only it's alleged addictive potential & lack of "accepted medical use," the latter of which is as politically motivated as it is scientific. 

Deadly doses of each drug. Guess which 2 are legal by Rx?

That's because the FDA works for drug companies that have a financial stake in keeping certain drugs like cannabis, kratom & other cheap, abundant & easy-to-grow plant drugs illegal.  See for yourself what the criteria for Schedule I are + which drugs are included and tell me if that's not politically/financially-driven.  Plants like cannabis, khat, peyote, psilocybin mushrooms & several forms of codeine (without hepatotoxic acetaminophen added) are in this totally forbidden class while meth, PCP, cocaine, fentanyl & carfentanil--the elephant tranquilizer that's fatal in doses the size of a grain of salt--are in Schedule II!

And some people just unquestioningly use substances to fit in or due to peer pressure... even late into adulthood.  They see people drinking pretty mixed drinks or indulging in other socially-accepted addictions & assume it's just a normal part of a healthy social life.  This can lead to addiction if the genetics & environmental factors are right.  In fact too many folks don't even view tobacco, alcohol or certain prescription meds as true "drugs" the way heroin or crack are, which is a dangerous delusion.  If you mindlessly consume psychoactive drugs--whether via drinking, injecting, smoking or snorting--and don't have a legitimate REASON for doing so, you're more likely to get into trouble with abuse and addiction.  Using stimulants in medicinal doses to manage ADHD or smoking cannabis to help cope with chronic pain = "legitimate".  Trying to impress some guy at a frat party by doing the best keg stands = not so much.  You've gotta get comfortable turning down drink/drugs that don't agree with you even if "everybody else is doing them".


TL;DR?

Some asshole in a recovery group telling MAT patients they're "not sober".  🙄

I guess what I'm trying to say is, "California sober" is absolutely a legit concept, as is "kratom sober," "methadone/Suboxone sober" and any other form of substitution therapy wherein a toxic drug of abuse is replaced with a more modest dose of a less harmful drug that doesn't cause deleterious behavioral effects in that particular user.  It's no less legit than these inpatient rehabs that allow addicts to chain-smoke tobacco & guzzle black coffee despite a "Zero Tolerance" drug policy (fucking lol).  The whole point of sobriety is to interrupt the cycle of addiction, replace it with healthier habits & SAVE YOUR LIFE.  If you can improve your mental/physical health & social functioning in the process, great.  The goal is not perfection or to be as clean and pure as the driven snow--an unattainable goal because humans aren't perfect and, as already stated, relapse is a normal & expected part of recovery.  It's high time we started acting like it.

Some of these 12-step zealots go around preaching with religious fervor at others who are by all measures doing great in their recovery while using different, less harmful drugs to stay clean from their substances of abuse.  It reeks of white-knuckling & projection in that nobody should be that damned concerned about what another consenting adult takes into his own body.  Methinks they're just jealous they can't use anything mind-altering without falling completely off the wagon & getting trampled to death by the horses.   🐎

This is also how bad drug laws come into existence:  people policing the private behavior of other grown-ass adults because THEY or their addict children/loved ones couldn't handle moderation.  What a peaceful, beautiful & truly FREE country it'd be if those meddlers would turn that focus inward & work on their own betterment instead of lobbying for the Nanny State to lock up non-violent citizens by the millions.         



* There are different paths to recovery and some addicts cannot use any psychoactive drug without fully relapsing on "hard" drugs or their drug of choice, therefore it's necessary for them to avoid ALL mind-altering or recreational drugs in any dose.  But they're a minority despite what the rehab industry tells us.  As this enlightened expert writes, moderation (i.e. taking a lower dose of a drug less frequently) can be a form of harm reduction despite its inherent challenges.  Other forms include choosing a less toxic drug & using a less risky route of administration.  Examples:  Switching from IV street opioids to cannabis or Suboxone taken orally, or trading crystal meth and research chemical stimulants for a legitimate ADHD medication prescription from a doctor if you actually need it.