|From an article on how to "safely" choke your partner. Nope.|
The problem is that there is no safe method of choking someone despite what BDSM advocates may have told you. Compressing someone's airway puts them at risk for death, period. You may have heard of the odd death due to autoerotic asphyxiation when a man (almost always a man) accidentally dies while cutting off his air supply during masturbation. These deaths are tragic in that they are unintentional & leave behind confused & heartbroken loved ones. No high or orgasm is worth dying over. That's not kink-shaming...it's just reality. If you believe otherwise you don't value your life enough. But that's YOUR life to value (or not). If you want to hang by your neck while whacking it, that's ultimately your call.
|Kids who have died while playing the "choking game".|
What you don't have the right to do is put your hands around your partner's neck during sexual activities & put their life at risk. The number of cases in which this has happened with casual hookups between virtual strangers--sometimes drunk--is staggering. Women are being choked without giving consent on first dates! I don't care what your previous girlfriend claimed to like...or what porn stars pretend to enjoy...you simply don't do that. It's terrifying, disrespectful & a major boundary violation. The fact this even needs to be said is disheartening.
The issue of consenting to be choked is equally shaky. If your partner asked you to stab, concuss or pour acid on her head because it "turned her on," would you do it? Or would you sit her down & ask her what on Earth has made her confuse degradation & violence with love & sexual arousal? Just because someone claims to be turned on by something doesn't mean you should do it without question. The blurring of lines between sex & violence is extremely troubling & comes with very real risks. Women have been killed during "rough sex" (the defendant's words, not mine) so it's not a harmless 'what if' scenario. Even with consent, you don't have the right to murder someone. If you doubt me test your luck with that defense in court. You won't get very far.
|Death of Eric Garner during a choke hold by police.|
Porn actors are just that--actors. They get paid to pretend to enjoy the scenes they shoot--universally concocted by male writers & directors--but are often forced into the field by traffickers or a drug habit they need to support. Some of the more extreme scenes are filmed without consent while actresses cry & plead to stop between takes; a number of porn actresses report developing PTSD as a result of 'Gonzo' scenes & actual rapes on porn shoots. They will not tell you this while they're still in the business because it will get them blackballed from future work, but ex-porn stars are full of horror stories about being forced to work while sick, being raped, physical abuse on set & more.
|Ex-porn star recounts experiences on FighttheNewDrug.org|
I feel for young girls trying to navigate the dating world in this age of free online porn. Boys too. Minds are being warped from an extremely young age not by basic human sexuality but by the combining of sex & violence so common in porn. If you want to change your habits, check out /r/nofap on Reddit. There's also some great non-religious, non-legislative information on the harms of porn at fightthenewdrug.org