Autistic Musings on This Shitty Fucking Year

So I may not have disclosed this about myself but I have several mental health diagnoses, one of which is autism spectrum disorder.  I was only "formally" diagnosed in my 30's though I've known for much longer.  It affects my ability to socialize by making me painfully shy (I treat my social anxiety with drugs, heh); causing sensory overload, deep fascinations with random topics & adherence to routines.  Blah blah blah.  You probably know what autism is and if you don't, here's a link to learn more.  I also struggle with OCD and a terrible phobia of sickness/germs, which has NOT been easy during a pandemic.  Therapy has helped immensely but still...I have my moments.

Because I'm already an extreme introvert, the lockdown hasn't affected my daily life much if at all.  I already worked from home & mostly leave for errands & doctors' appointments, though it would be nice to see my friends this year.  And I'm already broke as a joke.  That doesn't mean I haven't been affected though.  One thing that annoys the shit out of me has been the incessant complaining that social distancing is asking too much or, worse, that wearing a mask is somehow restricting freedom.  Come the fuck on.  Even if you're an extrovert to the Nth degree, you (general you) can put your desire for social interaction aside for the greater good.  If you had, this would all be over.  But no, you had to party & travel all Summer and now we're worse off than we were in the dark, cold days of Winter and early Spring.

Modern humans have everything we could possibly need or want to make isolation comfortable:  Netflix, internet, food delivery, eBay/Amazon, Spotify, Zoom, every video game imaginable... yet that's not enough.  Not only are adults defying lockdown protocols, they can't wait to push their kids out the door to get them back in school and out of their hair.  I get that some of you don't have much choice due to your own demanding jobs & lack of childcare--I'm not addressing you.  It's the ones who simply think in-person learning or "seeing their friends" or playing sports is more important than their kids' health who are the problem.  Those things pale in comparison to the potential permanent damage to your kid's brain, heart, lungs or other organs as a result of this highly contagious virus.  And that's not even considering the possibility of bringing it home to YOU or grandma.  Or the teachers & staff getting exposed.  Nothing anyone does right now just affects them.  There is no "you do you and I'll do me".  Not in a pandemic.

Maybe this is where my autism becomes a problem.  I tend to overthink things until they drive me insane.  America's reaction to the pandemic has just pissed me off more than anything.  Our selfish, short-sighted behavior has created a second war on top of the dire fight against the disease itself.  A war against willful ignorance, pseudoscience & incivility.  We shouldn't even be discussing going back to work or school until this virus is under control--until we have enough ventilators, hospital beds, blood tests (including accurate antibody tests) and preferably a vaccine or medications that prevent death.  Yet here we are:  The only nation on Earth speeding happily toward our demise in the name of profits & politics.

Americans are moved to action in short order by violence:  planes crashing into buildings, bombs in federal buildings, mass shootings & other "exciting" and visible forms of blood & gore.  But invisible killers like viruses, bacteria, diabetes, toxic chemical spills & other diseases don't hold our attention in the same way despite the death toll being much higher.  As someone with a mortal phobia of illness & disease, this is frustrating beyond words. 

I may want to die at times but not for the stock market and NOT from a painful, tortuous disease like COVID.  And that's my right.  You only get one life and one body.  Nobody can force you to sacrifice it for their benefit.  There are worse fates than death anyway, like chronic illness & disability which COVID is certainly capable of causing.  A recent study on 100 recovered COVID patients showed that 78 of them had heart damage 3 months after infection.  2/3rds of them were never hospitalized and only had "mild or moderate" symptoms of COVID.  Some were asymptomatic.  Myocarditis is no joke & can lead to heart failure, heart attacks & other problems down the road.  While not definitive, this study shows a desperate need for follow up on the virus's effect on heart function.  These were Germans, not fat lazy Americans by the way.

As someone who developed lifelong chronic fatigue after a respiratory illness as a child, I know all too well what it's like to get sick & never get well.  If the above cited study is even partially reflective of wider society, we're in trouble.  Our broken healthcare system and its private insurance system cannot handle the fallout from this.  Our so-called "liberal" party has just voted down Medicare For All in the midst of the worst pandemic our nation has seen since 1918 which is not reassuring.  It all feels very apocalyptic, doesn't it?  Edit:  And now another Black man has been shot in the back by police in Wisconsin.  This was followed by a white vigilante teen killing two protesters and injuring one with an AR-15 style rifle and walking away unscathed.  

If you have a mental or developmental disorder, I'd love to hear how you've been coping with the corona crisis or 2020 in general.  I'm clearly blogging about it which is helpful but not extremely lucrative so far.  Drop a comment (or perhaps a donation if you're feeling generous) below.

Cash App:
cash.me/$apphicomrade

BITCOIN:
18cwb3qFkGghVqqzNSX59EFypzzF8Dd7Vg

BITCOIN CASH:
qz84t4ua2achx90a7yk8efelvufggflhu5tzalry7l

A Sincere Thank You

Wow guys.  A GIANT SPARKLY THANK YOU to whoever donated!  I was able to pick up a phone with the $$$ so you will all benefit from the generosity of the anonymous donor.  No more blurry 2nd (okay, 15th) rate pictures in my reviews.  I seriously can't thank you enough, whoever you are.  My heart is full.  💗

Future donations will go toward other upgrades for the blog, including laptop upgrades/repairs, research & writing fees, substances to be reviewed, overhead and other miscellaneous costs.  Every little bit helps as you're about to see.

Get Your Health Game Up

As stated in my recent piece, this Fall & Winter are going to be a doozy to say the least.  Experts have predicted this period to be the darkest time in America's recent history in terms of illness, economics & general morale as the COVID pandemic rages.  It's also election season which nobody's too stoked about due to the, uh, lackluster choices for president.

In the face of all this doom & gloom, I find it helpful to focus on what we CAN control such as our general wellness.  It's not even just about the virus--your fitness affects everything from your energy & vitality to longevity & lifespan.  It's never been a better time to get your health game up.  While it's true you're not likely to die of coronavirus if you're under 65 and don't have a predisposing condition like obesity, diabetes or COPD, it's capable of causing nasty chronic problems like cardiomyopathy even in those with mild or asymptomatic infection.  Considering how contagious it is, that's something worth taking seriously.

That said, unchecked worry helps nothing & in fact worsens immune response.  What you want to aim for is mindful caution--a middle road between panic & cavalier denial of the facts.  Taking precautions like wearing a mask, washing your hands & social distancing does not = "living in fear"; it's just basic hygiene and common sense.  These are things you should be doing even in the absence of a pandemic during cold & flu season.  Our culture's "tough it out" mindset is dangerous & has lead to the acceptance of no mandatory paid sick leave, vacation & health insurance by employers--things other developed nations take for granted.


Beyond the Basics:  Immunity & Fitness

Support immunity with a flu shot & healthy lifestyle

Once you've got hygiene covered, then you can focus on your body's second line of defense:  the immune system.  Contrary to the supplement industry's advertising, "boosting immunity" is not a thing and you wouldn't want to do it even if it were (hello, autoimmune disease).  It's possible to SUPPORT immune function with proper nutrition, adequate sleep & other basic measures but popping some herb or homeopathic nonsense ain't gonna do it.

GET YOUR FLU SHOT and, if you're over 65, your pneumococcal vaccine.  This will greatly reduce your risk of contracting influenza and pneumonia this winter which will keep you out of the hospital and away from COVID-infected people.  Wait until late September or early October to get your flu shot if possible, as it can lose effectiveness if taken too early.  Some businesses start offering it as early as August but this is ill-advised.  If you miss the Fall deadlines, you should still get vaccinated in the Winter--all the way up to February as the virus peaks in the Winter months.

If you do take supplements, focus on the nutrients that most people are known to be deficient in, such as Vitamin D.  Studies have shown Vitamin D to be low in COVID patients.  Levels tend to dip in the Winter when we spend more time indoors as well.  Other nutrients that have proven vital for immune response include:  Vitamin C, zinc, selenium, iron & protein. It's best to get these from a balanced diet rich in fruits & vegetables but supplementing with a quality multivitamin can help meet your daily needs.

If you're overweight or obese, now would be an ideal time to put all your effort into losing the excess poundage.  Obesity in itself raises the risk of dying from COVID up to 60% in men both over and under age 65.  (Obesity is not an independent risk factor for women, though its attendant problems like diabetes & high blood pressure certainly are).  Aside from our shameful response to mask-wearing & social distancing, Americans' weight problem is theorized to play a big role in our COVID death rate.  We are the 12th fattest nation on Earth, only outdone by small island nations like Samoa & the Cook Islands.  For help losing weight & keeping it off forever, check out my article here.  This plan has worked for me & is the basis for every other "fad" diet from keto to paleo to Atkins & beyond.

While COVID has been "promoted as" a respiratory illness, that's not the whole story.  It also affects the cardiovascular system by causing blood clotting throughout the body which can damage any organ from the brain to the kidneys, heart or liver.  So it makes sense to get your cardiovascular system in shape to give yourself the best chance of survival if you do get sick.  30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week is the recommended amount, but anything is better than nothing.

Leslie Sansone has excellent 5 minute workouts that can be done in your office or other small indoor spaces and they're free on Youtube.  You probably won't see any weight loss from regular exercise but you will see your body tone up along with a decrease in blood pressure & resting heart rate, particularly if you add some strength training in with your cardio.  (Weight loss is 80% diet and 20% exercise...if that).  But the important thing is to pick a routine you can handle & stick to it.



Chill Out... Mindfully

Benzos lower immunity & increase pneumonia risk.

Giving up other bad habits, such as excessive drinking or benzodiazepine use, is also advised.  Benzos in particular increase the risk of developing & dying of pneumonia (weird, right?) so use these as sparingly as possible during this time.  Polarizing philosopher Jordan Peterson has battled pneumonia twice recently while dealing with his benzo addiction and is now fighting Covid (and doing poorly) according to his daughter.  If you smoke weed, you might wanna consider switching to edibles or dry vaping--especially if you come down with a respiratory illness like the flu or bronchitis.  Abuse of all substances has risen since the pandemic started which doesn't bode well for our survival.

Lastly, making time for de-stressing & relaxation every day is absolutely vital to your health during a pandemic or any other time.  But especially during a pandemic.  Unwinding with healthy activities like a warm bath, yoga, meditation, reading or journaling helps release the day's stress & ease you into a restful sleep.  Try to stay off your phone or computer an hour before bedtime, as blue light interferes with circadian rhythm & melatonin production (and thus, sleep).

Avoid caffeine & other stimulants after about 2 p.m.  Alcohol can also interfere with sleep quality despite its reputation as a relaxant.  If you must imbibe, limit yourself to a glass of wine with dinner.  Valerian root & passionflower are gentle, non-addictive supplements that can help with anxiety & insomnia if you need something to take the edge off.

(This article got a little wordy but unfortunately there's no shortcut to good health.  Even with a vaccine, we'll still need to observe good hygiene & common sense measures to protect ourselves & our most vulnerable).

If you enjoyed this article, donate anonymously at the links below:

Cash App:
cash.me/$apphicomrade

BITCOIN:
18cwb3qFkGghVqqzNSX59EFypzzF8Dd7Vg

BITCOIN CASH:
qz84t4ua2achx90a7yk8efelvufggflhu5tzalry7l

Follow Me!

Hello, it's your friendly neighborhood drug reviewer back again with your regularly scheduled reminder to follow me on Twitter HERE and Instagram HERE.

Also, please consider donating anonymously to my Cash App or Bitcoin accounts to keep this blog running & help make upgrades like investing in a quality camera for my reviews.  Links below.

If there's something you want to see covered or a product you'd like me to review, hit me up in the comments or DM me on Twitter & I'll get back to you.  Thanks for stopping by!  ✌

Donate anonymously to keep this blog running:

Cash App:
cash.me/$apphicomrade

BITCOIN:
18cwb3qFkGghVqqzNSX59EFypzzF8Dd7Vg

BITCOIN CASH:
qz84t4ua2achx90a7yk8efelvufggflhu5tzalry7l

That Time I Tried: Calamus

I learned about calamus root via Erowid.org, a great resource for all things drug-related.  I always start there when researching a new substance.  After seeing some not-so-pleasant trip reports like this one, I decided to proceed with caution since nausea/vomiting are my kryptonite.  To put it MILDLY.  Actually it's one of my few deal-breakers with drugs--if puking is involved you can count me out.

Calamus root powder

I bought some ground calamus root online & stirred it into hot water like I do with ginger root tea.  The taste is hard to describe:  spicy & very unique.  I don't recall the exact dose, but I sipped it slowly to gauge its effects.  Sure enough, I started to feel that familiar "stomach churning/backing up" feeling one gets when sickness is going to occur, so I put the glass down & lay down for a nap.  It was more of a scratchy sensation in my gut than actual nausea but still unpleasant.  If I'd drunk more I'm sure I'd have been sick.

I don't recall any real psychoactive effects other than maybe some very slight visual changes & sleepiness, though that might've been placebo effect.  And certainly nothing worth repeating.  Calamus was used traditionally to TREAT stomach ailments like gas, ulcers & cramping which seems counter-intuitive after what I experienced but to each his own.  Even Erowid doesn't describe much of a psychoactive effect beyond "subtle" so don't expect much if you try this one.

Acorus calamus plant

Calamus might be better as an incense or gum flavoring agent than a psychoactive drug.  The taste is the most memorable thing about it and the side effects at higher doses are too intense to be worth any potential "fun" effects.  It's chewed during hunting trips to stave off hunger by Natives & is said to sharpen vision, but for me it just caused stomach pains.  The smell is now a nauseating reminder of that single experience. 

Should I Quit Drugs for a Relationship?

That's the 64-thousand dollar question.  It's asked all the time on drug forums and, less frequently, relationship forums by people looking for direction.  Should a drug user give up their substance of choice for a romantic relationship, or should they tell a potential partner to stick it where the sun don't shine?

I've run into this one myself in my past long-term relationship.  My ex never came right out & gave me an ultimatum but threw my pill use in my face when she dumped me the first time, blaming my love of opiates for all manner of issues, from my inability to keep up with chores to our money problems.  To be fair, drugs cost money so she probably had a point with the latter one but my chronic fatigue & depression LONG predate my drug use. 

Substance abuse is complicated like that:  it tends to be interwoven with other problems like mental illness, physical health problems, childhood trauma & unhealthy coping skills.  It's hard to see where the effects of the drug end and the other issues begin.  While drugs can absolutely cause their own set of complications, they also make an easy scapegoat for people who don't truly understand how they affect the user.  There are many factors to consider when answering this question so let's get into it. 


Compromise & Accommodate

So to answer the question:  It really depends on your individual situation.  (I know, not all that helpful but hear me out).  If your drug use is light & responsible but an important part of your identity, you may be able to incorporate it into a relationship in a way that allows everyone to be happy.  You will have to bend a little, changing the frequency, duration or location of your drug use to accommodate your partner a bit if it makes them uncomfortable or is a turnoff.  (This does NOT include lying or sneaking around).  But that's better than nothing, right?  Relationships are about compromise.  If you find yourself totally unwilling to compromise, either it's not the right person or you're not ready for a relationship at all.  Be honest about this upfront so you don't lead the other person on. 

However, if your drug use is problematic (i.e. takes up an unhealthy amount of your finances, time or puts your health/safety at risk), you will need to cut back or stop to be in a thriving relationship with a person who isn't an addict.  Substances like heroin, crack or meth are harder to use casually & more likely to jeopardize a relationship.  You might require detox or inpatient treatment to quit which will be well worth it in the long run.  Anyone who's willing to stand by you during something like this is worth keeping around, if not as a romantic partner then at least as a friend. 


The Bottom Line

Quitting drugs is something you should do for yourself primarily.  If you don't want it bad enough, it will never stick anyway.  You'll end up resenting your partner & sneaking around behind their back, causing all kind of problems.  On the other hand, if you're lucky enough to find a person you truly click with who loves you back, that's not something to throw away over something that doesn't mean that much to you.  If drugs are something you just enjoy occasionally but aren't important to your life or well-being, don't hold onto them out of stubbornness.  There are other hobbies & coping mechanisms you can use instead...it's all about weighing the benefits & drawbacks for YOU.

There are exceptions though:  if your drug use is moderate & your partner shows signs of being controlling or manipulative in other areas, such as expecting you to stop hanging out with your friends or family, this is a red flag.  It's not about the drugs in that case--they just have a controlling personality & it's likely to spiral into abuse if you stay with them.  Run!

Whoever I get with next will have to accept my substance use as part of the package.  I've been a moderate opioid & stimulant user for over 15 years now & that's not changing.  But I am also in therapy, seeing multiple healthcare professionals & doing things like exercising & meditating to ensure my mental & physical health so I'm not just relying on drugs as my only form of self-care.  I've also grown more mature & discreet about drugs over the years, no longer flaunting it like it's cute to drink cough syrup out of the bottle or a "pimp cup" in public.  I treat recreational drugs like I treat my Prozac--taking it in the same dose every day to keep my mood afloat...not to get wasted.  My partner doesn't need to use drugs or even think they're "cool" as long as they don't judge me for it.  We're all adults here. 

If you found this article helpful, drop some coins in my accounts below:

Cash App:

cash.me/$apphicomrade

BITCOIN:
18cwb3qFkGghVqqzNSX59EFypzzF8Dd7Vg

BITCOIN CASH:
qz84t4ua2achx90a7yk8efelvufggflhu5tzalry7l

That Time I Tried: Chaste Tree

Full Disclosure:  IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.  When I was a teen addicted to weed without a steady reliable supplier, I stupidly sought it out in the wild which resulted in a lot of misadventures that could've ended worse than they did.  One of these saw me picking some of the following pot lookalike plant from a neighbor's yard, drying it & smoking it in a desperate attempt to get high:

Chaste Tree (Vitex Agnus)

...did I mention I was a stupid teenager at the time?  

Yeah.  This was long before dispensaries existed so to be fair, the weed I bought DID look about that shitty.  To my credit, a man in Georgia had his home raided for growing this very plant on the mistaken belief it was pot.  D'oh.  

I tried smoking both the leaves & a few flowers if I recall correctly and absolutely nothing happened besides some throat irritation.  But I'm lucky that's all.  I've heard tales of allergic reactions in kids who tried smoking the wrong plants.  In my area poison ivy, oak & sumac also grow fervently & resemble cannabis to the (very) untrained eye.  Not nearly as much as Chaste Tree but still.  Ragweed is even more similar & grows about as tall as a typical Indica.  Wouldn't want to get hold of that.  

Another pic without the flowers

Will share some more one-time drug experiences with y'all in the future but I think I'll end this one here.  Don't smoke or eat random plants, kids.

Follow me on Twitter 

and 

Instagram