Rebranding Crazy

I'm noticing an ugly trend:  people appropriating the term "neurodiverse" for conditions other than developmental disorders like autism and ADHD.  I don't know whether to laugh or scream.  I'm talking about people with Borderline Personality Disorder & other toxic Cluster B disorders in particular.  I guess this fits right in with pedophiles rebranding themselves "Minor Attracted Persons" & other such nonsense, but it hits a little closer to home since I'm actually autistic & have had some traumatic first-hand encounters with Borderlines in the past.  

How about we try this:  If you're crazy, just say so.  Call a spade a spade.  Like George Carlin said, putting all these elaborate names and abbreviations on things doesn't change the reality of them.  You know what does?  Intensive therapy, medication & sustained effort on your part.  And avoiding relationships until you can get your mind and behavior together.  

I'm not "queer," I'm lesbian.  

I'm not "neurodivergent," I'm autistic.  

I'm not "a person suffering from reduced income," I'm poor.

And you're not a special snowflake with a special brain.  You're a personality disordered mess.  

What Real Drug Education Looks Like

 

The United States government could learn a lot from these posters by the Association for Safer Drug Policies of Norway.  They're simple, straightforward & non-judgmental unlike our abstinence-only fearmongering brand of drug "education".  Most importantly, they contain practical information about how to use various substances more safely by addressing some of the most dangerous errors made my users, such as mixing GHB with other depressants like alcohol.  

While it's true that abstinence is the only 100% foolproof way to avoid ALL the risks that come with drug use, that doesn't mean drug users deserve to die.  The same can be said of abstaining from driving a car, eating processed food, having sex or any activity that carries any risk whatsoever.  It's unrealistic to expect 100% of the population to abstain from all of these activities all of the time, so to deprive us of practical harm reduction information is negligent in and of itself.  

Can Drugs Make You Gay?

Silly as it may sound, this is one of the most common questions on Reddit, Quora and other sites where drugs are discussed.  The answers are always variable, ranging from "Yes, sometimes" to "No, of course not!"  It's usually males who are most concerned about 'turning gay' or doing something out of character on certain drugs, particularly MDMA or psychedelics.  This is a somewhat valid concern because these substances--MDMA in particular--enhance tactile stimulation and can amp up libido, empathy & other "lovey" feelings.  One need not be homophobic to be concerned about losing control or embarrassing themselves under the influence.  

Let's get the obvious things out of the way first:  drugs alter mood, memory, judgment & other brain functions which can result in any number of behavioral changes.  You might freak out, shit yourself or fall down and break things while under the influence.  "Doing something gay" might actually be the least of your worries.  But if it does concern you, you might want to explore why.  What is it specifically about gay thoughts that scares or repulses you?  Are you actively repressing those thoughts in your sober state?  Would it be the worst thing in the world if you cuddled--or did something more--with someone of the same sex?  Do you consider hugging or telling your friends you love them to be "gay"?  All valid questions to explore.  

The people most likely to actually have a bad experience like this on drugs are those who are repressing big things like their sexuality.  This trip report lays it out beautifully:

Psyched Substance - Drug Psychosis:  Repressed Gay Feelings

According to some estimates, the majority of humans (80%) fall somewhere in the middle of the sexuality spectrum along the bisexual portion of the scale, with only 10% being truly hetero & 10% being fully homosexual.  (Obviously nowhere near that many openly identify as bisexual).  Whether you believe those numbers or not, it's certain that more people have the potential to get turned on by the same sex under the right circumstances than we've been lead to believe, even if most people never act on it.  For some it's just a phase of experimentation in their youth; for others it stays in the realm of fantasy, one-off crushes or porn preference.  As stated, the majority with bi-curious feelings never act on them due to societal pressures & heteronormativity.  But people who already have those feelings might be more prone to do so under the influence of drugs.  

And then there's the separate phenomenon of drug psychosis which can cause someone who's tripping to hyperfocus on the false belief that they're gay when they're not.  These kinds of thoughts plague some people with OCD & can also include the belief that they're going insane, are going to kill their families, are pedophiles or other horrific intrusive thoughts.  If you have OCD, be particularly careful when tripping on psychedelics as they can amplify whatever you're already feeling at the time or cause "thought loops" like this.  In most cases taking a benzodiazepine like Valium or Xanax can bring a bad trip under control.  

Long story short:  Drugs cannot "make you gay".  But they can reduce inhibitions and facilitate encounters or thoughts, both gay and straight, that you may not have felt comfortable engaging in otherwise.  And in a tiny fraction of users with OCD they can trigger a type of psychosis that makes them falsely believe they're gay (or something else deemed unpleasant by the individual) when they're actually not.  

Lastly, if you're that worried about embarrassing yourself or discovering something unsavory hidden in your psyche, maybe (certain) drugs aren't for you.  

   

  

Planning the Perfect MDMA Trip: A Beginner's Guide

If you've never taken MDMA before, you're in for a treat.  You probably have an idea of the drug's effects based on stock video footage played ad nauseam on the news or various documentaries:  the dancing, smiling, sweating and incessant desire to form cuddle puddles.  While my days of rolling on E are behind me, I still look back fondly on them.  MDMA in its pure form is one of the most enjoyable drugs a person can experience.  It shines in both therapeutic and recreational settings, enhancing one's sense of empathy as well as bodily sensations like touch and hearing.  

This article is for new users who are thinking of taking the drug for the first time as well as those looking to plan the perfect trip.  It is not a harm reduction article:  the internet is full of scare stories and safety tips on how to avoid dying on MDMA.  Please do your research before taking this or any drug.  

I think of MDMA as a sensory enhancer... a sensual drug rather than a sexual one.  Therefore, to plan a great MDMA experience you should focus on the 5 senses.  Here's a quick guide to get you started:

Sight:  MDMA dilates the pupils, letting in more light than usual.  Therefore you'll probably prefer a dimmer setting than somewhere bright.  However don't plan on sitting in the dark.  There's a reason people are entranced by light shows at raves.  So dim those bulbs & put on some Christmas lights or other colorful/sparkly lights!  Glow sticks are also fun.  A bubble or fog machine can add to the ambiance as well.  Just make sure not to light a bunch of candles or other actual fire sources that can be hazardous.  Stick to safer options that you won't have to attend to while high, like colorful neon or LED lights.  You'll thank me later.  

Smell:  This one is interesting.  All kinds of aromatherapy are nice on MDMA, but menthol is a favorite among ravers.  Vicks inhalers (which incidentally contain levmetamfetamine, the levo isomer of methamphetamine) and other off-brand menthol inhalers send a tingly rush of mint to the brain that's said to reinvigorate the MDMA high.  Wear it around your neck for easy access.  Scented lotions & oils are also nice if you're doing massages, as are essential oils.  But again, don't use anything that has to be plugged in or lit on fire while you're intoxicated.

Sound:  This is probably the most essential part of an MDMA experience:  Music.  Uptempo, spaced-out, funky, electronic.  Doesn't matter.  Any genre you normally like will sound infinitely better, but try to branch out and mix in some new artists with your standard faves.  Make a long playlist and have it ready to go.  Better yet, attend a live music show or play your own.  Just stay away from anything depressing, somber or angry.  You'll likely want to dance spontaneously so keep that in mind when planning.  The MDMA high is not like psychedelics where you'll want to meditate in silence or get lost in your thoughts; it specifically enhances music & makes it sound amazing, so go big & get creative with your choice of tunes.  

Touch:  After music, touch is probably the second most vital part of a good MDMA trip.  Ecstasy turns up the sensitivity to touch in a way that's hard to put into words.  Everything feels SO GOOD.  Soft things.  Cool water.  Human touch.  Stretching your muscles like a cat.  Feathers, fur, beads.  A cool breeze.  I like to keep a spray bottle & spritz myself randomly or, better yet, spray it into my floor fan & let it blow back into my face.  Massages & cuddling are also otherworldly.  As long as the touch is consensual it's all good.  

Taste:  You probably won't be particularly hungry while on MDMA as it has appetite suppressing effects, but sweet things like Gatorade & suckers taste yummy.  Pop Rocks & sour candy are also fun.  MDMA tends to cause the jaw to tense up and trigger an effect called "gurning," so have some gum nearby to prevent tooth grinding.  Fruit flavored sweets like Skittles or actual fruit are another a good choice.  Whatever you pick, make sure to have plenty of cold water on hand to prevent dehydration.  Add a twist of lemon or lime to your water to make it taste amazing.  

What To Do/Where To Do It

As for activities to do on MDMA, the possibilities are endless.  You don't have to take it at some crowded dance party or festival, though it complements those events nicely--it's also great in more intimate settings.  Many of my rolls were with just me and my (now) ex at home by ourselves.  It can affect some people a bit differently.  I always got the typical euphoric energy rush while she fell asleep shortly after dosing.  But the effects are pretty predictable for the most part, unlike LSD or other hallucinogens that can cause panic, ego death & uncomfortable bodyloads.  Set and setting are less important with MDMA as freakout potential is lower.  It's the next-day comedown that's rough for some folks. 

My ideal MDMA trip setting, minus the heat and fire.

I can imagine it being ideal in many settings including a Fall camping trip, date night with your spouse, concerts, holiday parties (New Year's Eve or 4th of July come to mind), a pool party*, Vegas-type shows or at an arcade.  Anywhere with lots of sensory stimulation that's not too hot.  Personally, my dream MDMA experience would be taking it with my crush with some music playing while we chill in a heated pool at sunset... alone, of course.  I can't imagine anything better than the combined highs of this drug plus the natural endorphin rush of being with someone you like romantically.  The feeling would probably be on par with winning the lottery, honestly.  

This isn't an experience to "waste" by taking it alone or while nobody else is rolling in my opinion.  It's definitely more special if other people are on your level, chemically speaking.  This is likely due to the drug's effect on empathy.  There's a bittersweet feeling to MDMA:  you know it's an artificial high that will eventually end, so you want to maximize the pleasure as much as possible & make memories that will last forever.  And again, the comedown can be harsh for some so it's not something to re-dose or take every weekend.  3 months between doses is the recommended waiting period.  

*Safety first!  Only enter the water if you can swim, feel safe doing so and have sober trip sitters present.  Do not combine MDMA with alcohol or other intoxicants as this increases the risk of self-injury. The main risks of this drug are overheating and dehydration, so be aware of the ambient temperature & drink plenty of water.  Always test your MDMA with fentanyl test strips prior to dosing & start with half a pill to avoid overdosing.  

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Serial Killers & Military Service: The Strongest Link You've Never Heard Of

Trigger warning:  Violence.  

What makes a serial killer or mass murderer?  This question is often posed with lots of pontificating on things like nature vs. nurture, childhood trauma and the like.  Indeed, a few standout risk factors have been identified:  autism spectrum disorder, head trauma and child abuse being the Big 3.  But there's one that often goes unmentioned, either out of ignorance or because it's not politically correct to discuss it.  This single factor is so overwhelmingly omnipresent in serial killers that it's almost unbelievable that the world's leading psychologists would overlook it by chance, which leads me to believe it's the latter.  That risk factor is a history of service in the U.S. military.

If you were to Google any well-known serial killer in U.S. history right now, chances are you'd find that they've got a history of military service prior to committing their crimes.  Try it.  David "Son of Sam" Berkowitz?  Honed his expert rifle shooting skills in the military.  Gary Heidnik?  Received high marks in service & attended military school.  Joseph DeAngelo, the Golden State Killer?  Joined the U.S. Navy in 1964 & served in Vietnam for 22 months before becoming a police officer in California, where he committed his brutal series of rapes & murders.  The one exception I can think of is Night Stalker Richard Ramirez, but alas, he was directly influenced by his older cousin Miguel who served in Vietnam & shared horrific stories of raping the body-less heads of women he'd decapitated in the war.  He also shot his girlfriend in the face in front of young Richard, cementing the marriage of sex and violent gore in his mind.  

In my own life I know several vets who went in relatively normal and came out to commit horrific crimes--one raped a girl in my town while she was unconscious (drunk) and another committed suicide after getting addicted to meth & going AWOL from the Marines.  The worst of the group killed his infant son and then committed suicide before he could be charged.  It later came out that he ran over a child in Iraq due to instructions by a commander to never slow down for fear of being blown up by an IED.  The cries of his baby boy must've caused flashbacks that triggered a rage.  When he returned home, he was told by a superior never to speak of the incident so he was unable to truly get help for the trauma.  One has to wonder how common this is with vets returning home from war zones.  

When Violence Abroad Comes Home

Soldiers are given intense training in marksmanship & survival before leaving for war.  This training is harsh, unkind and downright cruel at times but is necessary to prepare them for what's coming.  When war is over, they're sent right back into the "civilian" community without any kind of de-escalation or therapy to help reacclimate them to life outside a warzone.  This often makes it extremely difficult to reintegrate into society as the fight-or-flight response and adrenaline are still running high.  These mechanisms literally kept them alive for months or years abroad except now they serve no purpose other than causing nightmares, flashbacks, depression & other symptoms of PTSD.  

When people think of PTSD they usually only consider how horrific it is for the person afflicted, but if not treated properly it can also result in domestic violence and, in extreme instances, violent crime in the community.  See:  the case of Chris Kyle, who was killed by a fellow veteran he had taken on a "shooting therapy" excursion as a form of (dangerous & ineffective) PTSD treatment.  Another well-known example is the D.C. Sniper, who went on a multi-state shooting spree with a child he was molesting.  Both killers had a history of military service prior to committing their crimes, but there are many less well-known cases.  

Beer is Cheaper Than Therapy documentary

These war wounds can also blossom into homegrown terrorism.  OKC bomber Timothy McVeigh served in the Gulf War & became jaded to the military's mission halfway through, returning home to unemployment & disillusionment with the ATF's behavior at Waco, prompting him to become radicalized & commit the Oklahoma City Bombing 2 years to the day after the Waco siege on April 19, 1995.  McVeigh was every bit the terrorist that Mohammad Atta or Ramzi Yousef were but his path to terrorism is less comfortable to discuss since he was a white American militiaman with a history of military service.  So they executed him in record time before he could say too much about his motivations.  Problem solved.  If the OKC bombing happened today, there's no doubt that FOX News, OANN and similar networks would praise McVeigh's politics & views, if not his methods.  Just look how many people fawned over Kyle Rittenhouse.  

Timothy McVeigh during the Gulf War

There's no question that our government is failing to provide our veterans with adequate housing, mental health care & treatment for specific ailments such as Gulf War Illness & Agent Orange poisoning.  But few media outlets are willing to touch on what that failure might mean for the rest of us.  It's abhorrent to hang your soldiers out to dry after they've served their country; we can all agree on that.  It's this secondary effect that needs discussion because there seems to be a conspiracy of silence about the effects of war-induced PTSD on American society as a whole.  When the military fails to de-escalate returning soldiers after war, we all pay.  

Caring for our vets is often left entirely up to private organizations like Wounded Warrior Project, which is disgraceful.  These orgs shouldn't even have to exist!  If our military and government did what they were supposed to by providing for these people, they wouldn't have to rely on charity, which is beyond insulting.  If you risk your life for this country, you should be set for life--not discarded when you're no longer physically capable of fighting.  When you consider that these traumatized soldiers are also highly trained with weapons & often left to self-medicate with alcohol or other substances, it can become a volatile situation.  

Soldiers in Hiding documentary

Obviously correlation doesn't equal causation.  Perhaps people who enlist in the military already have a higher propensity to commit violent acts for some reason, such as lower socioeconomic status or education.  Military recruiters flock to impoverished high schools so this has to be taken into consideration.  Also, there's a possibility we have the cause and effect backwards:  maybe people willing to kill in the first place are just joining the military because they already have that tendency and the military service itself isn't "causing" anything.  It's sort of like the link between football and domestic violence:  is the head trauma making players violent, or are they already violent as evidenced by their behavior on the field every day?

Either way, sweeping this risk factor of military service under the rug because it's uncomfortable to talk about doesn't do anyone any favors.  Our government doesn't have the right to put us all in danger because they refuse to care for our vets.  We should all be livid that this is happening because it's preventable.  Every war since WWII has been unnecessary & based on lies rather than protecting our nation.  But if they're going to send our troops to war, the least they can do is provide them with housing, healthcare (including adequate mental healthcare) & employment opportunities upon return.  And that includes allowing and encouraging soldiers to talk about WHATEVER horrific things they've seen and done at war with a licensed therapist, not burying it deep inside where it will surface later in a horrific way.  

Note:  This is a critique of our government, not our troops.  In no way do I mean to imply that all veterans are violent or have the potential to harm others.  It's clearly a tiny minority who go on to commit violent acts upon returning from war.  I deeply appreciate the sacrifice our troops make by enlisting voluntarily.  Caring for our vets for their own sake should be priority #1.  I just wish our government felt the same.  

Resources:

American Journal of Arcane & Obscure Research:  Murderers Who Have Served in the U.S. Military: A Database

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