On "Boxes"

Hot take:  The sub-identities in the gay "community" are every bit as noxious as rigid hetero gender roles & every bit as OBnoxious as the transgender navel gazing over gender identities.  Every other word is "Bear/Twink," "Top/Bottom," "Butch/Femme," or "Sub/Dom," as if any of that shit means a thing beyond the superficial.  What happened to just being a person?  Your own person?  Why the overwhelming need to label every nuance of your personality, appearance & sexual preference & put yourself in a box?  Especially when most of those boxes are just bootleg imitations of mainstream hetero dynamics?  

It's not just gays/lesbians though: Everyone subscribes to one cult or another these days.  Whether it's actual religion, the Republican/Democrat 2-Party cult, the Hustle/Grind Culture that worships at the altar of Elon Musk & other billionaires, the Gender Identity cult or something else, very few people are thinking critically or for themselves.  It's "let me check with the group & see what we think. I'll get back to ya."  Or "here, watch me vomit up a tired mantra like "transwomen are women" or "Jesus is king" that's actually just meaningless, vague circular reasoning while thinking I've outwitted you."  

The slow-motion Civil War between conservatives/liberals since 9/11 is a prime example.  We've become completely incapable of judging ANY world event without the red-and-blue-tinted glasses of the 2-party paradigm, be it a natural disaster, foreign war, climate change, infectious disease or a vapid off-handed celebrity comment.  Liberals are expected to take one side, conservatives the other.  The problem with that is, there aren't always 2 equally valid sides.  Sometimes you're just wrong and sometimes, your wrongness is dangerous. 

Opinions and beliefs are welcome when discussing things like celebrity gossip or football teams or which fast food place has the best burger--NOT when it comes to the hard sciences. Whether you "believe" that climate change is caused by burning fossil fuels & has dire consequences for all life on Earth, the reality remains the same.  Wherever your "opinion" falls on COVID being a highly-transmissible airborne disease that causes lasting cardiovascular and immune damage, the reality remains the same.  Just as 2+2=4 can be proven with a series of steps, so can these other scientific assertions.  Whether you choose to ignore/dismiss that evidence is up to you, but it changes absolutely nothing.   Your beliefs do not influence reality, or, as some would say "Facts don't care about your feelings."  

Instead of assessing each topic individually & coming to a logical conclusion based on the evidence for ourselves, we default to letting our religious leaders, political spokesmen or fave influencers/celebrities do the thinking for us.  Because it's both easier & more socially acceptable to do so.  Nobody wants to take a stance that alienates their friends or loved ones, but failing to do so on certain issues makes you a coward & enabler of evil.  Sometimes it is better to be right than happy, but not when it comes to potentially dangerous things like climate or disease denial. And not all science topics are of equal consequence.  Even though gravity is real and the Earth is round, it doesn't really matter whether you "believe" those things.  But not believing that infectious diseases are a threat could cost you your life or those of others in your orbit.  



Our Pointless Bickering = a Useful Diversion for the Powerful 

Cults require a common enemy to strengthen the bonds between members.  Putting yourself in a tiny box labeled "Black transwoman," "neurodivergent boymom," "straight white Christian" or "bleedingheart liberal" means you'll soon be seeking an enemy to bolster your worldview & create stronger bonds with like-minded believers.  That leads to endless bickering online & IRL.  No meaningful change happens except to your blood pressure. 

Meanwhile the gap between rich & poor reaches new obscene heights as billionaires become "centi-billionaires" & living conditions deteriorate for everyone else.  Viruses & bacteria continue mutating to outsmart our immune defenses, landfills overflow worldwide due to overconsumption, species go extinct from "habitat loss" (read: human overpopulation).   Average annual temperatures continue creeping up as natural disasters like floods & wildfires become more severe & common.  The next mass shooter plans his crime & will succeed despite unconstitutional compromises like the Patriot Act & NDAA.  Prisons fill to overflowing with non-violent offenders.  Wealthy criminals beat the "justice" system like Epstein & Diddy & so many others named & unnamed.  Voting is treated like a sacred social duty that will solve our problems, meanwhile neither the Left nor Right trusts election results if they're not to their liking.  

The word FUTILE comes to mind.  Around & around we go, staying stuck in the same cosmic cycle of cognitive bias, willful ignorance and the real-world consequences of both.  It's not about keeping such an open mind your brain falls out--just the opposite.  Failing to think critically or applying reductive labels to yourself only creates more discord, and not the kind that's revolutionary or changes things for the better.  The kind that stresses your immune system & damages your mental health, estranges family members and friends from each other & makes life measurably worse for everyone. 

We're all human beings before we're a race, sex, "gender," sexual orientation, religion or national citizen.  We all have the same basic needs of food, clothing & shelter to survive as well as the emotional need to be accepted, acknowledged & respected.  Failing to realize that lies at the heart of most major atrocities throughout human history (not that we learn from history anyway). 

As long as technology is used solely to enrich its creators like it is now, it can never do what it was intended to do--increase lifespan & efficiency, reduce workload & make life easier for the human race.  We'll keep getting power grid-draining AI that puts artists, writers, teachers & other educated people out of a job.  Without a Universal Basic Income this will result in massive hardship & starvation for millions around the world.  As long as infectious diseases like COVID are allowed to run rampant through society, more healthcare workers will leave the field for good due to trauma & burnout.  If we continue letting our leaders dismantle public institutions like the postal system, public schools & public health orgs, pretty soon we won't have a country... at least not a functioning one.   

I don't have the answers to the world's problems.  All I know is that change starts with independent thinking & standing up to power, including the powerful members of your own cult.   Maybe especially them.  Better yet, break out of the self-imposed prison of groupthink and stay away from cults (aka "like-minded groups with a similar vision") altogether.  Be a human being first.  Do you.

Decision-Making, Made Easy

For all my young readers trying to decide on a career path, whether to settle down & start a family or stay single, go to college or trade school, to take a year off and travel or commit their lives to a religious path, to enter a heteronormative relationship or come out of the closet & embrace themselves as they are, allow me to simplify things for you. 

At every crossroads you come to in life there are 4 distinct paths, each with its own pros & cons.  If you will just remember these 4 options when making big decisions, it will help clarify things so you don't get overwhelmed with the seemingly endless options.  Because really, there are only these four:  

1.)  Do what you want to do.  In this reality, you do the thing you want to do and reject the reality you do not wish to choose.  You follow your dream, for better or worse.  By being true to yourself, you carve out your own path & live in alignment with your own highest good.  This option requires the most risk and sacrifice upfront but pays the highest dividends in the long run, and it doesn't require you to compromise your values.  It may frustrate or disappoint those around you, at least for a time.  But if they truly care about you they will eventually come around (speaking from experience on that).  "But isn't doing what you want selfish?"  Ehh, perhaps, but who says selfish is always bad?  It can be if you exclusively do what you want & never consider anyone else's feelings, but when it comes to major life decisions that will primarily impact YOU, it should be considered mandatory.

2.)  Don't do what you want to do.  This option sees you shying away from the thing you most want to do, though you also are not capitulating and doing whatever it is you don't want to do.  So say your family is pressuring you to major in criminal justice and you'd rather study fashion design:  You compromise & go into medicine.  You're not doing the thing you want to do (studying fashion design), though you're also avoiding the dreaded alternative (studying law).  In a sense, nobody wins, though you may be softening the blow by not choosing the option you most hate.

3.)  Don't do what you don't want to do.  This is like the last option but flipped on its head.  You may not be doing what you don't want to do, but you're still not doing whatever it is you dream of.  It may seem like a compromise but there are some things you just can't compromise on--you're actually just cheating yourself.  You may not realize how badly until you're looking back on your life from the finish line, but those kinds of regrets are the worst kind:  the big things, the close calls, the 'what-ifs'.  And that's the thing: it's YOUR life.  Nobody else will have to live with the outcome so nobody else should get a vote in how you live it.

4.)  Do what you don't want to do.  This is the worst of the 4 options because you're doing the thing you actively don't want to do while also shunning your own dreams & ambitions. It's the least brave & requires the least sacrifice, at least in the moment.  But in the long run you're sacrificing your individuality, your talent and potential, desires, hopes & dreams to fall in line with what society, your family, community or others expect of you.  It leaves you in a constant state of disharmony & inner turmoil because you're betraying your life purpose.


...actually, this has nothing to do with age and can be applied to anyone.  Time seems to accelerate with each passing year... you eventually realize you may not always have a "tomorrow" or "next year" to venture down a new path.  Whether there's something after this life or not, you'll have wanted to spend it in a way that aligns with your own inner beliefs, morals, values & desires.  In a study of hospice patients, the single biggest regret was "living for others instead of doing what I really wanted."  While you can't get back wasted time, you can change paths at any time and that is worth a lot. 

Also:  It's very hard to help or please others if you are miserable.  So put the mask on yourself first & choose wisely.  🙏🏻