Toxic Family Roles: Where Do You Fit?

I'm about to drop some hot psychology knowledge.  You sat?  Good. 🪑

If you're already aware of this stuff you probably won't learn much here.  But if you're like me, you've gotten to a pretty big age with no clue that this is a thing.  I'm talking about dysfunctional family roles--the roles we're cast in without our consent by parents who haven't mastered emotional maturity & quite possibly had kids for the wrong reasons.  Selfish reasons.  Often used to describe families with narcissistic or "toxic" parents, these roles are more personality-defining than your astrological chart, MBTI type or any other single factor.  Only if you come from a chaotic, dysfunctional family of course.  So let's look at some signs of dysfunctional family dynamics real quick, shall we?

Not a definitive list.  By far.

"But isn't everyone's family dysfunctional?"  In a word, no.  All families have disagreements and conflict, but  it's not normal to withhold affection, argue constantly, call names and curse at each other, hold your kids to wildly different behavioral standards or refuse to apologize and own your mistakes when you're wrong. Medical neglect, physical abuse, substance abuse, workaholism & taking no interest in your childrens' hobbies/interests unless it benefits you is NOT normal.  It doesn't always mean your parents didn't try their best or that they're evil, but the outcome is the same.  It's the children who pick up the tab, not just in childhood but often for their entire lives.

If this sounds like you, read on.   Where do you fit in this shit sandwich?  

aka the "Golden Child" 



Clear favorite of the dysfunctional/toxic parent, the Hero is the prototypical "goody two shoes" who embodies all the positive traits the toxic parent sees in themselves.  Maybe they're attractive, smart, kind-hearted or athletic, or they simply remind their parents of someone from their past they really liked.  (But it's usually themselves because everything's about them).  The Golden Child receives the bulk of the encouragement and praise in the family which can trigger a superiority complex while enabling bad behavior.  This can lead to legitimately abhorrent behavior down the line.  Heroes often become the target of their other siblings' ire, which the narc parent uses to turn siblings against each other.  Toxic parents almost always deny having a favorite but it's so obvious Ray Charles could see it from outer space. 

But this role has a major downside:  The Golden Child often remains under the thumb of the tyrannical parent for most or all of their adult life, failing to develop an independent identity or break free from the dysfunction.  They're chosen to care for (emotionally, financially, physically or whatever) the aging narc parent and are often emotionally crippled on purpose to ensure they never break free.  Their happiness is directly tied to said parent's moods and whims which often means they don't end up very happy at all.  The enabling borders on emotional incest at times, with the Hero playing the role of surrogate spouse to the toxic one.  Of all roles, the Golden Child is most likely to become narcissistic/toxic in adulthood.


Struggles:  Codependence, enmeshment, identity foreclosure, lack of accountability, perfectionism, entitlement, pompousness.

Virtues:  Hard working, loyal, law-abiding, responsible, dependable, talented/successful, strict moral code.



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aka the Forgotten Child  



Maybe the middle child or the second daughter in a family with multiple daughters and one son, the Lost Child literally gets lost in the shuffle.  The toxic parent fails to form a close bond with Lost Child early on, which results in being mostly overlooked & neglected.  They do well enough in school and other areas but are not praised to the extent the Golden Child is, nor do they actively seek that kind of attention even if they'd like to be acknowledged once in a while.  They know it's a futile endeavor.   As a response to the parent's indifference, the Lost Child often becomes emotionally detached & escapes into complex fantasies and dreamworlds, forming stronger attachments to things than people.  When family drama kicks off, they usually play the peacemaker role due to a strong dislike of conflict.  

One positive aspect of this role is the independence and maturity the Lost Child often develops as a result of the radical self-reliance they were forced to show from an early age.  They tend to become the most typically successful of the bunch but may struggle with severe anxiety, unstable relationships and materialism as they attempt to fill the void with "stuff" rather than meaningful connections.  Of all the roles, the Lost Child is most likely to develop a passive-aggressive communication style due to a history of suppressing their own needs & being the "glue" that holds the family together.  They hate conflict but those emotions have to go somewhere, hence the passive-aggressiveness.  


Struggles:  People-pleasing, escapism, anxiety, passive-aggressiveness, difficulty asking for help, materialism/overspending, aloofness.

Virtues:  Mature, responsible, independent, caring, competent, helpful, generous, creative/imaginative.




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aka the Black Sheep. 



In childhood, the Scapegoat is by far the least desirable role in a toxic family system.  They represent all the traits the toxic parent dislikes or represses in themselves, earning them the most criticism and punishment by far.  Yet their biggest crime is often simply calling out the dysfunction in the family or standing up for themselves.  Sure, they can come off as "the squeaky wheel" due to their loud & hostile behavior, but that behavior is often a result of verbal or physical abuse the other family members don't see.  That's no accident.  The scapegoat offers a distraction by allowing the others to say:  "Wow, we may be messed up but at least we're not THAT bad!" or "Boy does (s)he need help."  In this way, the Scapegoat indirectly helps the rest of the family ignore or downplay their own issues, which is the preferred method of handling problems in every toxic family.  Just sweep it under the rug & keep moving...

Scapegoats often struggle to avoid "living down" to their parents' expectations in adulthood.  Self-esteem is severely damaged due to decades of gaslighting and targeting for abuse, be it verbal or physical.  Their anger at the unfairness of being treated so poorly can lead to defiant behavior, substance abuse, crime and other forms of rebellion, particularly against authority figures who behave like bullies.  They may develop a "what's the point?" attitude and stop trying altogether in severe cases.  If Scapegoats make it out of the toxic family system alive, they usually go on to become independent, self-actualized adults, albeit with a fair amount of pent-up hostility.  With enough help & emotional support they can channel their pain into something constructive like political activism, art or philosophy.  

Struggles:  Self-destructive, impulsive, problems with authority, anger, learned helplessness, low self-worth.

Virtues:  Honest, observant, outspoken, resilient, values fairness/equality, highly principled.

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It's important to note that these roles may switch up at various points in one's life as the family dynamic changes.  A Lost Child may move into Scapegoat territory when the Scapegoat leaves the nest; a Golden Child may be demoted to either remaining role when a new sibling is born.  Only-children in these dysfunctional families often claim to identify with ALL 3 roles based on their parents' moods. 

Debate about the "most toxic" role has been ongoing, but the point isn't that any of these is worse than the other per se--just different.  And all bad in their own way.  It's like trying to compare abuse & neglect.  You can't pick a "worst" because both cause uniquely awful outcomes.  The unequal treatment in these families makes it easy to triangulate and turn siblings against each other because none of them had the same experience growing up, yet all feel a unique sense of anger, hurt or resentment at how they were treated.  Favoritism & projection by the parent is the root cause--a failure to view each child as an individual with their own needs, fears and potential.  To the narcissist, children are merely an extension of themselves; a reflection of traits they either adore or despise in themselves.  (Or sometimes in the other parent whom they openly despise).  "You're just like your mother/father" is a common refrain from toxic parents.

I could bore you with endless self-analysis and tell you which one I identify with, but I'll spare you.  I will say that knowing about this crazy-accurate paradigm has helped my siblings and I find common ground in adulthood.  (I may have made the mistake of throwing the info in a parent's face when they were being evil, which I only call a "mistake" because it changed nothing).  If there's one thing all toxic parents lack, it's the ability for insight & honest self-reflection.  Though I'm 100% certain they'd disagree.  They always do.

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Alternative Medicine + Cancer: A Killer Combination

This is the story of three legendary celebrities who died prematurely of cancer due to choosing alternative treatments early in the disease instead of following doctors' orders. There are many more out there like them--Ananda Lewis, Kirstie Alley & Val Kilmer to name a few, but these stories have haunted me the most because all 3 of the people in question were otherwise intelligent, young & vital.  And all 3 could've lived had they followed doctors' recommendations & had timely treatment.  They had another thing in common too: massive regret, as evidenced by the reversal of their decisions to reject conventional medical treatments like chemo and radiation near the end, when it was too late.  I hope anyone who's at high risk of cancer or considering "alternative" remedies will read these true stories & reconsider. 

The first is the story of reggae superstar Bob Marley.

BOB MARLEY

Bob was a fit mon

Bob Marley lived a healthy life, waking up early each morning and jogging on the beach at sunrise, eating an "Ital" diet of natural fruits, vegetables, fish and beans and playing soccer daily.  His only vice was ganja, which his religion viewed as a sacrament.  He didn't drink, smoke cigarettes or use hard drugs of any kind.  Like most Jamaicans he was somewhat superstitious, avoiding mainstream medical doctors and believing that speaking words like "cancer" would bring them into existence.  So when he developed melanoma in his big toe in 1977, he ignored it for a long time--too long.  Yet it was still curable by the time he finally limped in to see a doctor.

Bob's cancer (not Bob's foot).

It started as a soccer injury that wouldn't heal, then the toenail fell off and refused to grow back, then the nailbed turned black.  Bob ignored it until the pain was too great, then was diagnosed with acral lentiginous melanoma, a type of skin cancer that affects dark-skinned people in areas like the soles of the feet or palms of the hands.  He was told he would need to have the toe amputated to save his life, which he pondered seriously for a while before rejecting the idea on the grounds of his Rastafarian faith, which not only forbids amputation but believes Rastafarians are immortal.  Literally.  This is also why Bob refused to draw up a will, leaving his 12+ kids and multiple babymamas to fight over resources after he passed.  

Bob looking over some prosthetic legs in 1977

But there were other factors at play:  his fame was on the rise & he couldn't afford to take a break from recording/touring, he was told by a greedy few in his inner circle.  Also, amputation would interfere with his ability to dance and play soccer, both of which were vital to his quality of life.  So he opted to have part of the toe cut out and do a skin graft instead, stating that "Jah will heal me wit' the meditations of me ganja chalice."  In other words, he went against doctors' recommendations and chose alternative treatments for his cancer.  Marijuana, in this case.

Bob lived an active and seemingly healthy life until the cancer claimed him.

Everyone forgot about the toe after the skin graft was completed.  Bob's star continued to rise as he toured the world and recorded more legendary albums like Kaya, Exodus, Survival and Uprising.  He was a worldwide superstar everywhere except the U.S, which is where he was when his health started to give out.  After completing two sold out shows at Madison Square Garden in September 1980, Bob was jogging in Central Park one morning when he collapsed in a fit of seizures and began foaming at the mouth.  He was stunned when doctors said the cancer had spread to his brain and lungs. 

News clipping

Bob's doctors said they'd never seen someone with that much cancer in their body still walking around, so the cannabis likely helped with symptoms like nausea and wasting, though it certainly hadn't cured him.  Bob Marley & the Wailers gave one more show in Pittsburgh, with Bob playing "Another One Bites the Dust" during sound check as his confused roadies looked on, totally unaware of what he was dealing with.  It would be his last show ever.

Bob in late 1980 looking gaunt, Pittsburgh, PA

Now feeling the effects of the cancer and staring down his own mortality, Bob opted for a course of radiation therapy before heading to Germany for more experimental alternative treatment with Dr. Josef Issels, an ex-Nazi quack who was reportedly quite cruel to Bob.  He lost his dreadlocks, which devastated him.  He was falsely declared "cured" and died of advanced melanoma on his way home to Jamaica in May 1981 at the age of 36, though he looked much older.  His last words to his oldest son Ziggy were allegedly "Money can't buy life."  

Photos of Bob at Issels clinic in '81 & his family at his funeral (bottom right)



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STEVE_JOBS



Young tech rebel

The second story is that of tech innovator and CEO Steve Jobs, the man credited with creating the iPhone.  While Jobs was indeed a genius in the tech realm, he did not know more than his doctors about treating pancreatic cancer.  More on that later.  While more "educated" than Bob Marley, Jobs shared many of the same views on natural diets and alternative medicine with the Rasta musician.   

Jobs co-created the Apple Macintosh in his parents' garage

Steve Jobs was adopted and grew up in Silicon Valley as a tech genius among tech geniuses, co-founding Apple, Inc with Steve Wozniak in 1976.  Like many youths living out West in those days, he experimented with psychedelics like LSD, which he listed as one of the most significant experiences of his life.  He was also a college dropout and had an anti-establishment attitude, thinking of himself as "special", as if he could cheat reality with magical thinking and denialism.  To be fair, this strategy had worked wonders for him in the world of business.  By age 25, Apple--the company he'd started in his parents' garage--was worth around $50 million.  His focus was creating products that had never existed and that people didn't even know they needed, and he was a natural at it.  Jobs' coworkers joked that he had a "reality distortion field" around him because of his seeming ability to make the impossible a reality.

Apple CEO reflects on taking acid. 

In 2007, Steve Jobs unveiled the original Apple iPhone and cemented his legacy as one of the greatest tech innovators of our age.  Unfortunately, by this point he was already deathly ill.  In 2003, a "dark spot" was visualized on his pancreas while doctors were looking for kidney stones.  Bad news:  pancreatic cancer. 

The good news:  his was one of the 5% of pancreatic cancers with a good prognosis if treated early--endocrine instead of exocrine like most cancers of this type.  He would need surgery to remove it, he was told.  But he declined, telling the doctor he preferred alternative treatments like his long-time "fruitarian" diet.  (Ironically, it may have been this diet that contributed to his developing cancer, as Ashton Kutcher developed pancreatitis within weeks of adopting it while playing Jobs in the movie about his life). 

Fruitarianism involves eating a mostly-fruit and fruit juice diet with some vegetables, seeds & nuts.  Jobs had always flirted with eating disorders ("orthorexia") but favored fruit juices and other fruit-derived products even when he shunned other foods.  The cruel irony is that such a huge dose of fructose is incredibly taxing on the liver and pancreas over time.  Even if that weren't the case, no diet or lifestyle change has ever been shown to treat or cure cancer once it exists.

 
Disappearing tech guru

After being diagnosed with this mercifully treatable pancreatic cancer in 2003, everyone in Jobs' life begged him to have the surgery.  He refused for 9 agonizing months, believing he knew more than medical professionals about treating cancer.  Predictably, the disease progressed.  By the time he opted for (real) treatment, it was too late. 

He kept his disease a secret as long as possible, telling everyone he was "cured" until he became too thin and pale to hide the truth any longer.  As death neared, he used his wealth to move himself to the top of the liver transplant list even though the transplant would not be life-saving--a highly controversial move considering this was a mostly self-inflicted situation.  He was worth about $7 billion by the end of his life. 

On his deathbed, Steve Jobs told his biographer he regretted not getting surgery sooner, musing about the afterlife or whether there was one.  "Perhaps all our collective knowledge just goes away like an on/off switch" he said somberly.  "I don't like that idea.  That's why I never put an on/off switch on iPhones."  Jobs died in 2011 at age 56 and left behind a wife and four children.

  

Last known photo of Jobs in 2011.



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Andy Kaufman

The King

While some believe Andy Kaufman faked his death & is plotting a magnificent return, the fact is we haven't seen any proof whatsoever of that, or him, since May 16, 1984.  Therefore we must assume he really did die, though the truth about when he knew he was sick, and with what, might be more convoluted than we were led to believe.

Andrew Geoffrey Kaufman was born January 17, 1949 in Great Neck, NY to working class Jewish parents.  From a young age he showed a great interest in performance art of all kinds, from music to wrestling to stand up comedy and more.  He was a rebellious teen in the '60s, taking tons of drugs and drinking daily with friends who called themselves "F Troop".  Shortly after getting his girlfriend pregnant in 1968, he smoked a final joint and never touched drugs again, replacing the chemical high with that of transcendental meditation.  TM would essentially serve as his religion until he died, & he credited it with keeping him out of the gutter and off drugs. 

A young pre-fame Kaufman

But the health fanaticism didn't stop there--Kaufman was a verified wellness freak, lining up 21 vitamins each morning and taking them in the same order before breakfast.  He adhered to a strict vegetarian diet with no alcohol, tobacco or other drugs after 1968.  He would sometimes do intense detoxification rituals involving swallowing cheesecloth and "internally flossing" (🤮).  He always washed his hands before eating, especially in restaurants or other public places where people tended to shake his hand.  According to Kaufman, his only vice was chocolate ice cream.  

Despite this, he was said to constantly badger his doctor about whether he had cancer "yet," as if it was a foregone conclusion.  He wouldn't be the first in his family to fall ill with some variant of the disease--his beloved grandpa "Papu" Cy as well as his mother both died of cancer.  But nobody was prepared when Kaufman got the news that he had a rare, advanced form of lung cancer in 1983 at only 34 years of age. Lung cancer is typically a disease of people over age 50 that frequently affects smokers, neither of which applied to Andy.  The specific type he had--large cell carcinoma--is incredibly rare & makes up about 1% of all lung cancer cases and almost never occurs in non-smokers.

According to his official biography, Andy got the dreadful news in December of '83, though he allegedly told a select few about his illness before this date, and he began showing signs of illness--coughing, taking boxes of tissues on talk shows, sniffling--a whole year before.  Due to his professional history of "crying wolf" and pulling off elaborate stunts, nobody believed he was actually sick.  Fans & even longtime industry friends like Cindy Williams ("Laverne & Shirley") didn't believe he was truly sick even as he wasted away before them & lost his hair.  Taxi co-star Carol Kane quietly poked his body in the casket to see if it moved.  👀
 

Girlfriend Lynne trimming Andy's remaining hair into a mohawk

Assuming it's true that he knew he was sick with lung cancer a full year before the "official" diagnosis, he likely didn't have to die.  He allegedly told Margaret McMullan of Vogue magazine that he was "fasting" to treat an unspecified illness in April 1983 and thinking of going to Baguio, Philippines where he eventually had psychic surgery, neither of which managed to extend his life by even a day.  He was reportedly so weak already that she pinned him while wrestling; he made her promise not to tell.  Then in November '83 he told Jerry Lawler he was sorry for coughing and hacking on his TV promo but he'd "just been diagnosed with lung cancer."  Except he hadn't been because that wouldn't happen until December at a follow-up appointment after family members forced him to see a doctor about breathlessness and a nagging cough at Thanksgiving dinner. 

It would appear Mr. Kaufman wanted to keep his diagnosis a secret while he tried out various (bogus) alternative therapies instead of actually treating his cancer.  Perhaps like fellow young lung cancer victim Dustin Diamond, he feared tabloids picking up the story if he sought treatment.  Though he certainly wasn't concerned about that by the end when he allowed photos of his psychic surgery to be sent to tabloids.  Whatever the cause, Andy paid the ultimate price for this choice, dying at only 35 from large cell carcinoma of the lungs despite his healthy lifestyle.

Passport (to Heaven)

There were also rumors he might've actually been suffering from HIV/AIDS, which tends to cause symptoms before lung cancer would as the immune system gradually fails.  The disease was rising in gay men and other marginalized groups at this time but no test for the virus existed in '83/'84, so unless you were openly gay or an IV drug user, no doctor would've suspected AIDS.  Kaufman openly bedded thousands of prostitutes in Nevada throughout his career and allegedly was into anal sex, which is even riskier.  So even if he wasn't gay/bisexual, he could've been infected with HIV which would've increased his risk of contracting cancer & other opportunistic diseases. 

Since there was no cure or even treatment for AIDS in those days, the alternative treatments wouldn't have been to blame for his death in this scenario, though it's still wrong to steal money/time and give false hope to a dying person.  He spent 6 whole weeks in the Philippines near the end of his life--time he could've spent with family & friends in the comfort of his home.  In this alternate reality, he might've chosen the bizarre psychic surgery and allowed photos to be sent to tabloids to throw them off the AIDS trail.  (It was very shameful in those days, as having AIDS was synonymous with homosexuality). 

If everyone was talking about his weirdo treatment, they'd be less likely to think of AIDS, though those rumors did briefly circulate in Hollywood following his death.  He was allegedly most concerned about his father Stanley finding out, according to best friend and writing partner Bob Zmuda & girlfriend Lynne Margulies, who coauthored a book containing the AIDS theory.  That book came out the year Stanley Kaufman died.  

Receiving "psychic surgery" from quack Jun Labo

Like the other 2 men in this article, Kaufman "covered his bet" with a round of radiation & chemo before flying to the Philippines.  While these gold standard treatments can be lifesaving early in a cancer diagnosis, they're merely palliative later once the disease has spread, emphasizing the importance of early diagnosis & treatment.  Kaufman had to have known psychic surgery was bogus, being something of a magician himself.  The procedure involves pulling bloody chicken guts from the palms & pretending it's clumps of disease coming out of the body.  

Andy Kaufman died in a hospital bed at Cedars-Sinai hospital on May 16, 1984 from kidney failure secondary to advanced lung cancer.  Friend and ex-girlfriend Elayne Boosler wrote of his final hours:

"Andy never gave up hope. He didn’t intend to die. Near the end he took to sleeping with his eyes open just to make sure. When death came, early in the twilight of a warm Los Angeles evening, it was met with two unflinching eyes. When the nurse tried to close them, they just opened again. I remembered a reviewers words: “This guy doesn’t know when to get off.” I laughed. One more time he was teaching me. I stood on the ground below and watched him ride on alone. It was smooth. He was on the next hill before I realized it. I knew then that when my turn came, I wouldn’t be afraid. He had shown me the way."

Last known photo, April 1984, with girlfriend Lynne Margulies



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The lesson here is simple but I'll spell it out anyway: cancer is time-sensitive.  Early diagnosis & treatment are your only hope of survival.  This is why invasive diagnostic procedures like colonoscopy, PAP smears, mammograms & prostate exams are done--to catch cancer and pre-cancerous conditions at their earliest stages when they're most treatable.  Because it only gets more invasive from there: surgeries, emergency lifesaving procedures, swallowing cameras and other unpleasant diagnostic tests to check for recurrences, chemo, radiation & much more.  And once cancer is Stage IV/terminal, these things will only prolong life or provide modest symptomatic relief, not provide a cure.  Read that until you understand it.  There is no cure for Stage IV cancer.  

While we're on the subject:  Chemo, radiation and surgery ARE imperfect & scary.  The side effects are often unpleasant, though not nearly as bad as they once were due to the development of targeted treatments & medications like Zofran for nausea.  There are even cold caps that can help prevent or lessen hair loss.  But even at their worst, these harsh treatments don't hold a candle to the horrors of wasting away from advanced cancer as it ravages your organs, eats through your bones & causes pain & sickness so severe not even the strongest medications will help.  That's to say nothing of the helplessness of loved ones as they watch you die needlessly and are left to live out the rest of their lives with that trauma and without you. The idea that cancer is a "natural" thing you can just "die peacefully at home" from is delusional.  There's nothing peaceful about dying from cancer, not a damned thing.

Don't make the mistake these celebrities made and wait until it's too late to undergo real treatment.  Do it early and follow your doctors' treatment recommendations so you have a fighting chance.  If you think that checkup or screening test is expensive & invasive, you have no clue what's coming.  No matter how brilliant, talented, enlightened or advanced you are in the other parts of your life, you do not know more about cancer than an oncologist.  

Short list of things that have never cured any type, grade or stage of cancer:

Prayer

Acupuncture

Homeopathy

Macrobiotic diets

Fasting

Gersson Therapy

Smoking cannabis

Chiropractic care

Holistic dentistry

Chelation therapy

Colloidal silver

Hyperbaric oxygen therapy

Amygdalin

Psychic surgery

Black salve

Alkaline diets

Detoxes or "cleanses" of any sort

Ayurveda, Traditional Chinese Medicine or other folk cures

Magnet therapy

Naturopathic medicine

Reiki

Urine therapy (eww)

Reflexology
Herbal supplements
Apple Cider Vinegar
Mushroom blends or "superfoods"
Ivermectin
Peptides
Coffee enemas (wrong end!)

...and here's the long list.  ☠🪦⚰⚱

Data Centers in America: The Good, The Bad & The Dystopian

This is by far the scariest article I've ever read.  And I read a lot of boring-ass factual articles about a lot of anxiety-provoking topics.  It's written to an audience of AI investors, meaning it actually goes LIGHT on the doom and gloom surrounding AI's effect on society in the coming years.  Keep that in mind as you read, k? 



The GOOD

Data center protests have united Americans across party lines

To be clear, there's nothing whatsoever positive about the construction of these energy and water-sucking, noise and actual pollution causing health and environmental threats.  While it's tempting to present a "both sides" argument as is customary in the U.S. mainstream media, that's just not possible here.  The only positive thing about this situation is the pushback we're seeing against it. 

Here's some of the scant good news from the article (even though the author frames it as a BAD omen for tech investors):

- The protesting of data centers in communities is the only issue in recent years to unite people across party lines.  “We had someone there in a Trump hat, and we had someone there with a Democratic Socialist shirt. We had young people, old people,” she said. “We were all there fighting for the same thing: for our community and for transparency. I think that is a huge reason that we’ve been successful in shifting this election.”

- Over the past two years, residents have blocked or delayed a staggering $64 billion worth of data-center projects.  ✊🏾✊🏻✊🏼

- Surprisingly, about 55% of the elected officials who have spoken out against data centers are Republicans, not Democrats.  Conservatives are the party of small government that generally sides with big business and corporations regardless of the cost to the environment or people, so their stance on this issue highlights just how destructive the AI industry truly is.

- "13 bullets and a Molotov cocktail".  Just after midnight Monday morning*, Indianapolis councilman Ron Gibson and his eight-year-old son woke to gunshots.  Someone fired 13 bullets at his front door, leaving a handwritten note that read, “NO DATA CENTERS.”  And on Friday of the same week, San Francisco police announced they had caught someone who threw a Molotov cocktail at the home of OpenAI CEO Sam Altman.  Elsewhere, an unidentified man threatened to burn down a data center.  

* Article written April 15, 2026

While violence isn't desirable, it's the only language greedy psychopaths understand.  They're willing to kill us "softly" with noise and air pollution, economic disaster, water wars & other toxic downstream effects of these data centers in their pursuit of endless greed--at a certain point we've got to be willing to meet them where they're at.  




The BAD

We are here: America's AI nightmare (click for full size)

From massive tax breaks to sweeping job loss across all industries, AI is set to screw Americans over royally... and permanently.  Here's a taste of just how BAD the bad truly is:

- One Microsoft data center in Illinois received more than $38 million in data center sales tax exemptions but created just 20 permanent jobs.

- According to the article's author, "There will be millions… and perhaps tens of millions… of jobs cut in America in the years ahead thanks to artificial intelligence (AI)."  This includes tech companies like Microsoft, Oracle and Amazon that've already seen layoffs.  He continues:

“If you’re one of the 2.5 million to 3 million folks employed by a Big Tech company… your job is absolutely at risk, whether or not the company denies it today.” 

“Hundreds of billions of dollars are being spent across America on building AI… with the ultimate goal of displacing millions of American workers.”

Rather than taking manual labor jobs first as was predicted, AI is coming for more specialized jobs requiring a college degree.  Careers in the Administrative & Support, Writing and Content Production, Law and Finance and Customer Service industries are at particular risk.

 - Right now, roughly 3 in 4 states has some kind of incentive intended to attract a data center… mostly around sales tax exemptions.  But few of those states publicly disclose the details or whether the tax breaks are worthwhile for residents.  (Spoiler alert: they're soooo NOT). 

- From rising energy costs to environmental destruction to 24/7 noise & light pollution and other serious health risks, these behemoths are a threat to any community within a 5 mile radius.  They also lower residential property values dramatically due to all of the above.  A recent poll revealed that a majority of those surveyed would prefer to live next to a nuclear power plant over a data center, and Americans are notoriously anti-nuclear energy.

 

The DYSTOPIAN

Bayfront Park, Miami billboard

And now for the truly horrifying truth that the upper echelons don't want us plebs to know.  The TL;DR version:  America is about to come apart at the seams, literally "ripping" as one section of the populace becomes filthy rich(er) while the other nosedives further into poverty & despair thanks to AI rendering us obsolete.  The "K-shaped economy," it's called.  This will lead to violent protest, revolt & mass casualties.  How do we know?  We've seen it before with the Great Railroad Strike of 1877.  

The "Ripping Point" Economy:  “Two Americas with a divide that is reaching the ripping point."   

We've all heard of the tipping point, but what is the "ripping point?"  The article defines it as "the gap between those who are thriving and those who are struggling, which has gotten so wide that it no longer feels like a gap. It feels like a tear."  According to Whitney Tilson who coined the term:

Federal Reserve data shows that the top 1% in America now controls nearly one-third of the nation’s wealth. The bottom half of the U.S. population, on the other hand, controls less than 3%. And white-collar employment has fallen for 17 straight months, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Social unrest is growing. Debt is ballooning. Political extremism is spreading.

For a wide swath of the population, the American dream is getting harder to even imagine, much less attain.

I’m concerned that our whole way of life is being swept away in front of our eyes…

Hundreds of thousands of people are losing their jobs. Violent swings are battering the stock market. Entire industries are collapsing around us.

I’m not only worried for older folks like me. I have three beautiful daughters. And it feels like their future gets more unstable with every passing day.

It’s not just because of the extreme political division or violent protests that seem to be a regular part of our lives now. I mean the deeper change that we can all feel.

We’re living through a permanent reset in our economy. It’s making the world – the one our children are going to inherit – deeply unstable.

"...So anyway, here's how you plucky inve$tor$ can protect your inve$tment$ in the event the poors decide to rise up."  That's basically the tone of this bizarre and frightening article.  The writing is literally on the wall:  America is cooked and the planet is about to be fried even sooner than climate doomologists predicted.

I'm encouraged by the pushback I'm seeing across the country and even in my own docile ignorant community, but I'm appalled at the way law-abiding, tax paying citizens are being literally shut out of townhall meetings as these backdoor deals with data centers are being done over their protests and erected in their own backyards.  Not only should the public officials engaging in this illegal behavior be removed from office, they should be held legally accountable.  Put them on trial like you would any other employee caught breaking the law.  These are paid civil servants & representatives, often paid with our tax dollars, which means they should be held to even higher standards than the rest of us.  Instead it's often just the opposite.  That includes everyone from your local podunk mayor to Donald Trump. 

Or we can do this the extrajudicial way: with bullets, fires in the night and Molotοv cocktails.  And judging by the terrorism charges pinned on non-violent oil industry protesters, these acts will likely earn offenders life--or even death--in an American prison. It only gets worse from here, folks.

Please feel free to drop these graphics and statistics in your comments and arguments against data centers and AI expansion.  

Help keep real writing/journalism alive in the age of aI by donating anonymously to one of the Bitcoin accounts below.  Anything helps.  Thank you!  🤖🚫


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New Insta!

 

What is an "erotic place?"  While some may think of an erotic place as, like, a BDSM dungeon with sex swings & red neon lights, for me it's far more subtle--an outdoor setting that evokes feelings of being wild and free, with the wind gently caressing your skin and the electrically charged atmosphere creating an otherworldly sensation.  A place where the lighting is just right 🤌🏼 and there's a slightly ominous feeling.  Some people find sunsets or beautiful spring days to be slightly erotic but I've always felt that way about dark apocalyptic skies and lonely country roads that stretch on forever.  Ditto old Gothic cemeteries and vast expanses of tundra.  

An erotic place is anywhere that would put you in the mood to have sex due to the natural beauty...  a location that brings out your feral animal instincts to strip down and do it like a pair of hyenas on an African safari.  Or maybe these places just make you feel more romantic & connected... sensual rather than overtly sexual.  If you're the creative type, perhaps these places would inspire you to write or draw or paint or otherwise birth new material.  For me though, certain places have always made me want to be creative in the sexual sense so that's what this Insta page is about.  If that's not your thang, then just enjoy some pretty scenic photography or discover some potential vacation spots, dammit!  (No AI).

The way the sunlight hits this wheat is 🥵




(And don't forget to follow my old Insta here.  Updated weekendly).

How Big is a Trillion?

Since Americans don't seem to understand large numbers, here's a conversion to time that'll help put it in perspective:  


1 million seconds = 11.5 days

1 billion seconds = 31 years

1 trillion seconds = 31,709 years


1 million is far closer to 0 than it is to 1 billion, therefore a millionaire has more in common financially with the average working class (or even homeless) person than he has with a billionaire.  Five people--Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Larry Ellison, Mark Zuckerberg & Bernard Arnault--are on track to become the world's first trillionaires in the next decade, yet these same exhausted, sick working class Americans go to bat for the "rights" of a few people to hoard that much wealth.

Our environment and economy are both dangerously out of balance due to the deliberate failure of educational institutions to actually educate people.  This is not a bug but a feature.  We're taught advanced algebra, geometry & calculus in high school without gaining a basic understanding of what numbers represent.  It's like learning to read without understanding the definition of a single word on the page.

Just because...

Just because I support the full legalization of drugs does not mean I'm a drug addict or that I'm "promoting drug use".  

Just because I denounce censorship for consenting adults doesn't mean I think kids should be allowed to view things that could harm them developmentally.

Just because I'm childfree does not mean I "hate children".

Just because I'm a feminist doesn't mean I support and celebrate the decisions of every woman all the time or that I want (decent) men to suffer.

Just because I hate capitalism doesn't mean I think communism is the answer.

Just because I criticize one political party doesn't mean I support or belong to the other.

Just because I personally don't subscribe to organized religion doesn't mean I want to take away your right to participate or that I'd never attend a service with you.

Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I go to Pride parades, decorate my living space with rainbow flags or belong to some LGBTQIABBQ cult.  

Just because I'm on the autism spectrum doesn't mean I'm Rain Man.

Just because I didn't message you right back doesn't mean I don't value our relationship or respect your time.

Just because I write some long screed about a given group doesn't mean I'm calling out every individual within that group. (If the shoe doesn't fit...) 


If you want to know where I stand on these or other issues, just ask.  But please stop taking a tiny grain of information and jumping to wild--and wildly inaccurate--conclusions.  Taking personal offense at general statements makes for a miserable life.  You know what happens when you assume, right?  Well rather than making an ass out of yourself (just U), why not talk to people with an open, inquisitive mind to see where they're coming from?  If you still want to write them off after that, fine, but at least take the time to seek clarity first.  You never know what you might find out.  ♥

(We're all guilty of conclusion-jumping sometimes... Lord knows I am.  Just try not to let it dictate major life decisions or you could end up regretting it).

The "Enhanced Games": A Dangerous Human Experiment

"Imagine if Olympic athletes could take any drug they like.  Let's see how fast a human being can really run."  Ideas like this aren't new, though they usually turn up in late night stand up routines or forums for "crazy ideas".  

Not anymore.

Enter the Enhanced Games: a 2026 event sponsored by Aron D'Souza featuring athletes ranging from former Olympians to those banned from their sport currently.  What makes this different than the regular Olympics?  Oh, just the fact that the athletes will be drugged to the gills on any performance enhancing drug (PED) they can get their shady doctors to prescribe.  This can include anabolic steroids, stimulants like Adderall or Ritalin and human growth hormone to name a few.  Basically, if it's legal with a Rx in the States, they can have it in their system while competing.  Terms like "superhumanity" and other superlatives are being thrown around, though I see this going another direction entirely.  

The Enhanced Games are to be held in Las Vegas, which is hot and dry in the coolest of months but can reach temperatures of 115+ during the summer.  Say one of these doped-up athletes drops dead on the track (or elsewhere) while cameras roll.  Do you honestly think their loved ones aren't going to sue these sleazebag organizers under the table?  That the U.S. media aren't going to turn the games' sponsors into the next "Ketamine Queen" or Conrad Murray and use it as an excuse to go after the athletes' prescribing doctors?  To justify a whole wave of substance bans?

If there's one thing we value in this country, it's athletes--even drug-addled & poorly behaved ones.  Just look at the havoc that ensued when newly drafted NBA star Len Bias died (and his death wasn't even televised!)  His untimely overdose death was used to justify the escalation of the drug war in the 1980s and the creation of the absurdly racist 100:1 crack to cocaine sentencing disparity that put (often Black) people in possession of crack cocaine away for decades while giving those in possession of large amounts of pure cocaine a slap on the wrist.  The only difference between the drugs being the addition of baking soda and water to crack.  Turns out Len Bias didn't even use crack--the media made that (racist) assumption and ran with it as an excuse to enact more (racist) drug laws, but the damage had been done.

Or say a hardcore underage fan of the games decides to replicate his favorite athlete's "stack" without a doctor's supervision.  He keels over while playing Call of Duty; now his grieving (negligent) parents want justice.  Yeah, we've all seen this movie before. 




History Repeats Itself

"Enhanced" female athlete trains in the hot Abu Dhabi sun

This is actually one of the most dangerous ways to use drugs & we have the body count to prove it.  The whole thing is being run like a human experiment, with doctors in Abu Dhabi of all places observing the athletes closely as they train and fill themselves with more dope than a CIA plane bound for Mena, Arkansas in 1980s.  What exactly are they hoping to "learn" from this realtime unethical experiment?  That performance enhancing drugs (gasp) enhance performance?  We've already lost athletes to the abuse of these substances: Flo Jo being the first that comes to mind.  Florence Joyner, affectionately nicknamed "Flo Jo," was the picture of physical fitness and an American hero in track and field who competed at the height of the steroid abuse boom in 1988.  She started off as a mediocre athlete with a so-so physique before returning looking like a brick house & winning tons of medals for the U.S. in Seoul.   

Huge change in 4 years (click for full size)

Despite never testing positive for banned substances, her teammate Darrell Robinson as well as fellow athlete Carl Lewis claimed she indeed used PEDs; specifically human growth hormone.  When it was announced that random year-round drug testing would be implemented for Olympic athletes, Joyner promptly retired.  Her untimely death at age 38 was attributed officially to seizures and positional asphyxia caused by malformed blood vessels in the brain (cavernous hemangioma), but to this day people mentally connect her demise to the alleged use of these drugs.

There is a more well-documented case of an athlete dropping dead directly as a result of PED use.  At the 1960 Rome games, Danish cyclist Knud Enemark Jensen began feeling "dizzy" and was sprayed with water by a teammate.  After a brief improvement, he fainted and hit his head on the concrete, fracturing his skull and later dying in hospital.  Autopsy reports both claimed that "no drugs were present" and that traces of amphetamine and "a few other things" were found.  Later it was leaked that he died due to severe heatstroke induced by a drug called Roniacol, a vasodilator administered by the team's coach.  

Then there was the death of baseball player Steve Bechler in 2003 which happened in a similar fashion.  While engaging in strenuous activity on the baseball field during a Spring training activity, Bechler dropped dead.  Like Jensen, Bechler suffered a heat stroke, though his was brought on by a combination of hard exercise, high temperatures and the herbal supplement ephedra, which was banned shortly following his high-profile demise.  Ephedra is an amphetamine-like stimulant that increases heart rate, blood pressure and body temperature that was widely available over-the-counter in truck stops and other places the way kratom and vape juice are sold now.  Hundreds of serious injuries (strokes, heart attacks) and deaths had already happened in ephedra users by 2003, but it took a D-list athlete's death to get it banned.
 



Real Health vs. A Healthy Aesthetic

Juiced swimmer Ben Proud

Even if no athlete drops dead DURING the games, we already know the long-term health risks of abusing anabolic steroids and other such drugs.  There's no need whatsoever for additional testing, let alone in actual living humans.  Take a look at the long list of premature deaths in the WWE and WCW, for instance.  This is in fact one of the most dangerous ways to use drugs, and it's being passed off as a scientifically sound practice carried out with modern medicine's stamp of approval.  In no universe will this not encourage substance abuse/PED abuse in young people and aspiring athletes.  While these drugs are strictly forbidden at the Olympic Games, the same is not true of local bodybuilding competitions, college sports and high school athletics, which may technically carry out drug testing but rarely if ever apply it to every athlete all the time.  

This is just a more high-profile version of the shit "looksmaxxing" proponents like Clavicular engage in, mixing random substances together for the stated purpose of maximizing one's natural potential.  (Clavicular recently suffered a drug overdose during a livestream and has been accused of injecting a female coworker with drugs, which tells you everything you need to know about how "legit" this practice isn't).  It's a faux-scientific justification for drug abuse; making the unhealthy appear healthy by wrapping it in fitness and athletic performance jargon, yet it's no better for you than lying in the sun covered in baby oil surrounded by mirrors to obtain that "healthy glow". 

Just because something LOOKS healthy doesn't mean it is.  Drugs like meth and MDMA subjectively feel amazing, yet they're neurotoxic & hard on the heart.  You can look buff, fit and vital like weightlifter Bostin Loyd and drop dead in the gym before your 30th birthday due to PED abuse or develop Stage 3 testicular cancer like Lance Armstrong, who only realized he was sick when he began coughing up blood due to the cancer reaching his lungs (and brain).

There are thousands and maybe even millions of people who rely on stimulant medications & hormone replacement therapies to get out of bed and function every morning, and their ability to obtain these much-needed medications is being hampered by exactly this kind of behavior.  These athletes "need" these drugs like I need a hole in the head.  You can't scold college students and exhausted workers for using Adderall off-label to stay awake and work harder while handing out the same drug to elite athletes for the sole purpose of making them run faster & jump higher.  Even the name:  "Enhanced Games," makes it sound like PEDs can turn a mediocre athlete into a superathlete... that fucking with these drugs somehow makes a person athletically superior.  As in, "we're not just good, we're enhanced."  We already have a major problem with teenage boys abusing grey-market "SARMs" and peptides obtained online--why tf would anyone think this was a good idea?

In a country where consenting adults have to sign & show ID to buy decongestant tablets (Sudafed) and where diarrhea pills were nearly banned, this sideshow is especially offensive.  Do our drug laws only apply to non-athletes & their doctors?  Mifepristone, a safe and effective at-home abortion medication that's also used in treating miscarriages, was just banned entirely in my state.  Kratom, a plant-based supplement used safely for millennia in Indonesia, is being referred to as "gas station heroin" by the mainstream media and politicians in an attempt to get it banned, yet this same draconian country is hosting the Enhanced-fucking-Games?  Make it make sense.   

You can't because our drug laws are nonsensical and their application totally arbitrary.  When somebody dies unnecessarily as a result of this dangerous display, just remember you heard it here first: this is a BAD idea.

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