Sunday, March 31, 2019

Research Chemical Stimulants, Pt. 1 [General Review]

As stated in my other piece on psychedelic RC's, I've taken a pantload of research chemicals over the years.  Now I'd like to focus on my personal favorite class:  the amphetamine stimulants.  Fluoroamphetamines in particular.  These stims mimic drugs like Adderall and MDMA depending on the placement of their...uh, molecules.  Forgive me for not being very chemistry-savvy.  Here are the ones I tried:


2-Fluoroamphetamine - 2-Fluoroamphetamine (2-FA for short) is the most basic of all the fluoroamps.  It produces a stimulation that's very productive & good for things like homework or house work similar to how prescription stimulants work.  The biggest downside I consistently got was a worrying headache in the back of my head that felt like a sharp, stabbing pain when I'd take 2-FA.  It made me worry just how safe this one was so I tried to limit my use of it as much as possible.  But it was a decent standby when I could not obtain the others I preferred.


2-Fluoromethamphetamine - 2-FMA is my favorite of the functional fluoroamphetamines.  Compared to 2-FA, it has a much smoother effect & no headache at any dose.  The stimulation is extremely enjoyable & makes you want to be active physically.  I exercised a ton on 2-FMA & tianeptine, which was a brilliant combo when I was dealing with post-acute etizolam withdrawal.  Of course a drug that contains the word "methamphetamine" in the name is going to cause some trepidation, and rightfully so.  But I've tried actual meth once & they're not that similar.  2-FMA is oddly more stimulating than Adderall or Dexedrine for me, which have more of a sleepy effect at the low doses I've tried.  2-FMA will make you get up & moving instead of staying stuck in your head on a mental task but is not jittery like caffeine.  Best of all worlds.


4-Fluoroamphetamine - 4-FA was the first fluoroamphetamine I tried & by far the most fun.  This one is like a love child of Adderall & MDMA--a speedy roll that lasts hours & has less of a comedown than actual Ecstasy.  You feel incredibly social & outgoing without the whole cuddle puddle/sensory overload aspect.  But lord help you if you try to snort it.  The pain is like a mixture of battery acid with ghost pepper sauce sprinkled on top.  When I was in the depths of etizolam abuse I snorted a lot of 4-FA & my nose was in terrible shape.  My late 20s were awash in this pink sparkly powder & I don't regret it for the most part.

I eventually "lost the magic" presumably by damaging my serotonin receptors, so I quit all empathogens & went on Prozac.  It was an amazing run while it lasted but I won't miss the sleep paralysis, next-day depression & overheating of my 4-FA days.  Another side effect is rapid & extreme weight loss; more than with a straight-up stimulant.  4-FA raises body temperature, making it a thermogenic substance on top of its stimulant effects.  I got down to 117 lbs & my bones were showing at the height of my abuse.  There's no denying I was irresponsible with my often-daily use of this substance but it sure was a great time.


4-Fluoromethamphetamine - Since 4-FA was so wonderful, everyone assumed 4-FMA would be even better...especially since that was how it worked with the 2-FA/FMA series.  But most were sorely disappointed.  4-FMA produced little more than dysphoria & overheating for me & most other users.  It never took off to the degree the other 3 did.  Just goes to show you can never predict the effects of a substance based on its name alone.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Identity Politics: Seeing The Big Picture

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Identity politics is an interesting concept.  What exactly does it mean?  Identity politics refers to the tendency of people to care only about issues that affect them personally, such as minorities caring only about racism or trans people caring only about transphobia while minimizing the plight of others.  It can also cause people to vote for candidates based on superficial traits like the candidate's sexual orientation or gender rather than their voting record or platform.  Identity is vital to our sense of self & place in the world.  We all have in inner vision of who we are:  sex, race, ethnicity, religion, political party, sexual orientation, generation, etc.  But since 9/11 & the rise of the internet, these identities have increasingly divided us. 

The media LOVES stories that are polarizing & deepen this divide.  Stories that turn Boomers against Millennials, conservatives against liberals, whites against Blacks, old against young & man against woman make great follow-ups to their "blood & guts" lead stories.  They get us riled up & play on our base emotions, which in turn causes us to share & comment on their stories on social media, thereby increasing the channel's views & ratings.  Big win for them.  Not so much for us.

More insidiously, these petty issues distract us from much bigger "macro" problems like the military-industrial complex's war crimes abroad and the inhumanities occurring at home, like mass incarceration & our disappearing middle class.  The fact that America is the only developed nation that doesn't require mandatory paid sick or vacation leave & maternity leave on the job, for instance, rarely gets mentioned in the media.  This is no accident.  It benefits their advertisers (corporations) who prefer to work their employees into the ground, assigning each one the duties of several people & paying them as little as possible to maximize profits--a problem that's become an epidemic in the past few decades.  Most Americans remain ignorant of just how bad they have it in the "best country in the world" as a result.  Other developed nations like Finland, Switzerland & Italy look on in horror.

Worst of all, these stories turn people into fanatics incapable of rational discussion.  Families are now picking up & moving into segregated communities based on political affiliation.  See:  The Conservative Move.  This is how crazy it's gotten, folks.  The brainwashing runs deep.  No longer can we live & let live while standing strong in our own beliefs--no, that's not enough.  We have to run away from people who aren't exactly like us in their voting habits.  Super patriotic.

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How much does social media influence YOUR vote?

We patiently wait for the presidential election every 4 years, during which we all lose our fucking minds.  Common sense goes out the window.  Instead of voting FOR a candidate we truly support, we vote AGAINST the one we're most afraid of, perpetuating the system of lesser evils for another 4 years.  You can't turn on the TV, pick up a magazine or newspaper, log into the internet or glance at a billboard without being inundated with political propaganda.  It's aggressive brainwashing funded by dark money.

And it all seems to be for naught.  (Warning:  Conspiracy theory ahead).  Since I was born in 1984, it's been the same identical pattern:  8 years of Republican administration followed by 8 years Democrat administration in an alternating pattern...even when the popular vote says it should've gone the other way.  I can't help but feel it's rigged this way to give each "team" the chance to feel in control while preventing either side of the country from growing too restless & rebelling for real.  Bush was a blubbering warhawk nightmare so they gave us Obama--an eloquent, young & hip dude who LOOKED great on paper but was actually a neoliberal centrist nightmare.  But he pacified the Left for 8 years which was the goal.  I mean did you SEE him on "Between Two Ferns?!"  My aching sides!

Meanwhile the conservatives grew increasingly pissed that this...KENYAN MUSLIM...was running the country with his fugly wife (none of this was racist by the way!).  The only answer was to elect someone so outrageously loud, brash & anti-Obama that this country would never forget its mistake of having a Blac--I mean, uh, MUSLIM president .  And now Cheeto Benito is up for election again.  With 4 years in the can, he'll certainly win because it's still the Republicans' "turn".  In 2024 we'll start the cycle afresh with a (wet noodle centrist) Democrat.  Yawn.  Democrat donors are already threatening to pull funding if the party continues going "too far left".  Don't let the door hit ya, assholes.  If universal healthcare & a livable wage is socialism/Marxism in your eyes, you're no progressive or liberal.  (I'm calling it now, on March 3rd, 2019.  If I'm wrong you can roast me in the comments.  Trump will win in 2020). 

I would love to be proven wrong about ALL of this:  that people are capable of looking beyond identity politics & social issues when deciding on a candidate...that the system isn't rigged to choose our presidents for us, etc.  But it's the same song & dance every time.  All I can do is try to inform people & then get out of the way.

My plan in 2020 is to stay buzzed on kratom & trees & as many pills as I can scrounge up while trying to avoid the topic of politics.  This is for my own sanity, folks.  It will be hard because there's just so much combative ignorance in my feeds already, but I plan to try.  I apologize in advance if I annoy/offend any of you on Twitter who just follow me for my drug-related posts.  But after 2016 I really can't afford to get emotionally involved in this nonsense again.  I've lost faith in both the system & the voters.  If my candidate of choice doesn't make it past the primaries (again), I will not be participating in the general election.  That's my decision.  And I certainly won't criticize you if you make a different one.  I refuse to let the media, corporations or politicians divide me from my fellow humans more than is absolutely necessary.  As Maya Angelou says, "We are more alike than unalike."

While we may feel naturally more comfortable among people who look & think like us, we only grow when exposed to people who are different.  America is a melting pot of ethnicities, religions, cultures, races & languages, probably more than any country on Earth.  The Native Americans were here first with Texas belonging to Mexicans, then the European settlers moved in, bringing slaves from all over Africa.  And in flooded immigrants from all corners of the globe after the country was established.  It hasn't been a smooth ride but it sure has been interesting.  There's no other nation like us, and we should be proud of our heritage as a diverse & prosperous land...warts & all.  If you're NOT proud of our diverse makeup, you know where the door is.  America will always be a melting pot built on diversity. But we've got a long way to go in terms of equality, which is a class issue rather than merely a race, sex or other identity issue.  Wealth is freedom--poverty is slavery.

I hope we can all agree on one thing:  the drug war is a life-destroying racket that should be ended immediately in America & around the world.  No non-violent person deserves to sit in jail for drug possession or sales unless they've sold to a minor.  Getting high is not a crime.    

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Friday, March 1, 2019

Kids on Thorazine: The Schofield Clan

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Susan, Michael, Jani & Bodhi Schofield in happier times

Disclaimer:  I don't have special needs children nor do I claim to be a parenting expert.  But I've taken a ton of psych meds myself & suffer from a number of mental illnesses.  I started on psych meds at the age of 15 and even THAT felt too young to consent to the real risks of drugs like atypical antipsychotics, which can cause severe weight gain & permanent movement disorders (among other problems).  My point here isn't to judge all parents who medicate their kids.  Clearly there's a need to do so in rare extreme situations.  But this story is starting to look more like a case of child abuse, which is why I'm choosing to shine a light on it.  The medicating of children with powerful psychiatric meds is a touchy issue for good reason & will remain so.  This is just one of those stories.

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The Schofield family are well-known in the media & special needs community.  They first appeared on Oprah in 2009 with their schizophrenic daughter January ("Jani") & then again on Dr. Phil in 2013.  While many viewers thought Jani showed more signs of autism than true schizophrenia, and her parents were a bit overbearing, not much thought was given to the home situation beyond how difficult it must be to raise a daughter with those challenges.  Her parents Michael & Susan seemed overwhelmed with her frequent psychotic breakdowns & did their best to manage the stress.  Certainly nobody envied them.

And then her little brother Bodhi was born.  And what do you know?  He's allegedly got childhood schizophrenia too!  What are the odds?  Not very high, it turns out.  Schizophrenia in children is exceedingly rare & generally sets in during the teenage years or early 20s.  Something seemed off about this situation, so the "detectives" at Reddit & Kiwi Farms forums started digging & happened upon a goldmine of damning evidence that painted the children's parents as abusive, Munchausen By Proxy control freaks who had only their own interests at heart.  Particularly the mother, Susan.

The most troubling issue is her exploitation of the children in the form of endless Youtube videos & Facebook photos, some of which show her kids in the shower, on the toilet or in other compromising positions.  And she documents in great detail their medication regimens, which are nothing short of jaw-dropping.  The doses of hardcore psych meds these children are on exceed the doses given to most large adult males in the prison system.  We're talking 900mg lithium for a little boy + the toxic anti-psychotic Clozaril, which requires frequent blood testing to check for deadly side effects like agranulocytosis.  And can't forget good old Thorazine--the first ever psych medication to hit the market in the 1950s that was referred to as a "chemical lobotomy" & replaced the horrific brain surgery for the sickest patients.

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Actual Thorazine ad, circa 1960s.

Both Jani & Bodhi are taking Thorazine & Lithium and have at times taken Clozaril, Ativan, Depakote & a veritable buffet of other powerful meds.  Vyvanse (lisdexamfetamine; an amphetamine) is another med Bodhi has taken, along with near daily hits of OTC Benadryl "as needed".  (In high doses, Benadryl acts as a deliriant & causes terrifying hallucinations unlike anything a psychedelic drug could ever produce.  They are far more real & frightening and potentially deadly).  In fact, most of these psych medications are not prescribed at all anymore due to their serious & permanent side effects....let alone used in children with developing brains.  *Except in the case of low-income or foster children, as I mention below.

The change in the kids over the years is striking.  Evidence of bone warping, pallor, drooling, bloating, strabismus, weight gain & a blank stare are only some of the features these two have developed likely as a result of these heavy medications.  Where there was once a twinkle in their eyes there is now only an empty, glazed-over stare.  Childhood energy & enthusiasm have been replaced with a dull zombified presence that can best be exemplified with pictures.

Bodhi Schofield before/after meds (10-year challenge)
Photos courtesy KiwiFarms

Jani Schofield before/after meds (10-year challenge)
Photos courtesy KiwiFarms
I have no doubt the medications make them easier to manage behaviorally.  Any idiot could see that. And I don't think the kids are free of psychiatric or developmental disorders.  I clearly see signs of autism & possibly other issues that need to be addressed.  But medication is supposed to enhance the quality of life of the individual taking it--not the parent or caregiver's.  If you're sacrificing your child's personality, IQ, spirit & health in order to make them easier to care for, you're failing at parenting.  In fact, it's medical abuse.

Not only are these kids ON high doses of numerous meds, they're frequently taken OFF those meds & given new meds without any titration or tapering, which from personal experience can be as bad as opiate withdrawal or any other kind of drug withdrawal.  That's not an overstatement.  Insanely, Susan claimed both kids had "fetal onset schizophrenia" which is not a thing.  She could apparently tell by the "look in their eyes" or some such nonsense.

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It must be mentioned that Susan herself has unmanaged bipolar disorder, which undoubtedly influences her decision-making & judgment in this situation.  She comes across as manic & sarcastic and can hardly stop talking for 10 seconds.  This was never more evident than on her recent Dr. Phil appearance.  He stopped just short of labeling her a Munchausen mom but took her to task on her exploitative videos & overmedication of the kids.  It was so crazy it required a double-episode (Part 2 below).

I should probably bring up Susan's new partner, Cory Cabana.  There's not a lot to say about him other than he seems like an opportunist who's in it for the payday.  His own daughter has outed him online as being a lazy jerk who treated her poorly most of her life, and he's said things like "Susan's willing to give me a son" which is beyond creepy.  He's pretty handsy with Bodhi in photos, which has led to speculation of a possible inappropriate relationship.  Bodhi also sleeps in the same room on the floor with his mom & Cory, which is not an ideal sleeping arrangement but stops just short of being illegal according to Michael.  CPS has investigated the family several times but hasn't found cause to remove the kids from the household so I'll avoid speculation on the sexual abuse front for now.  But it would be exceedingly easy to hurt Bodhi since he's mostly non-verbal & easy to manipulate.  😔

Back to the drugs:  Bodhi has been taking adult doses of Thorazine--the oldest antipsychotic medication on the market--since he was 5.  He has NOT been diagnosed with schizophrenia according to his father.  (Michael has his own culpability in this situation: he's moved 1,800 miles away from the kids and has a history of questionable behavior, such as shaking Jani & hitting her as an infant, as he attested to in his book "January First".  But he at least has the common sense to know that Susan is over-medicating them & sabotaging their attempts to live healthy lives).

The terrifying possibility that the medication itself is causing many of the kids' psychiatric symptoms has been raised & is definitely worth considering, though it's important to remember that severe autism sometimes co-occurs with seizure disorders like Bodhi is exhibiting.  There's just no way for us to prove that his symptoms are being caused by the meds (though it can't be ruled out either).  Either way, he should NOT be put on & taken off these medications willy nilly without tapering, as doing so could lower his seizure threshold & kill him.

What would you do in this situation?  I believe the ultimate culpability lies with the doctors & psychiatrists who enable this overmedicating behavior in the first place.  It's quite common in the foster care system, though few people are aware or seem to care.  As long as it's legal to drug your kids into oblivion, there will always be lazy/crazy parents who choose to go that route.  We inherently feel disgust & rage at videos of toddlers smoking weed, and rightfully so.  But what of a kindergartner taking Thorazine or Depakote or high doses of Lithium?  Those drugs are even MORE toxic to the mind & body, yet it's perfectly legal to dose them up with a doctor's prescription.  Or several prescriptions from several doctors in Susan's case.

If drug laws are going to exist, this is the kind of thing they need to prevent; not private consensual adult use of psychoactives.

We're doing it backwards, America.

Update:  The Schofield children have been removed from their mother's care by DCFS & placed into residential treatment!  Susan refused Dr. Phil's offer of treatment & continued posting about the kids on social media, which is thought to have triggered the removal.  Their father was with his new wife as she delivered their new baby when the kids were removed from the home, which was intentional.  The plan is to get them detoxed off all medications to get a baseline reading of where they stand in terms of diagnoses.  Currently, it looks like Jani is showing no clinical signs of schizophrenia off the medication.  Will keep you updated as more is known.  

Update 10/17/19:  Dad Michael Schofield was outed on the forum KiwiFarms as one of their verified info "leaks" during a hack of the website.  His email address was then linked to a gay dating profile on which he was seeking a male companion.  He's newly married with a baby & appears to want no custody of his 2 children Jani & Bodhi who are still living in group homes.  His main priority is damage control of his image, which technically violates the gag order he was placed under by the courts.  Can't make this stuff up, folks.  

That Time I Tried: 4-HO-MET

I first tried 4-HO-MET around 2012 during the absolute pinnacle of the research chemical Golden Era (2010-2015).  It was the 2nd psychedelic...