On the Topic of Red Flags

My friends and I were discussing relationship RED FLAGS recently and it turned into a lively 2 hour discussion.  The waitress had to kindly shoo us out of the restaurant because we lost track of time & they were closing.  😄   While there are a lot of obvious answers to this question (track marks, verbal abuse, being a Chris Brown fan), my answer was a bit less so and comes from dealing exclusively with women romantically:  

Serial monogamy, aka refusal to be single for any length of time between relationships.  While admittedly not ideal, why would this be negative enough to constitute a red flag?  

1.)  (In)Fidelity.  Anyone who hops from one relationship straight into the next was not exclusively devoted to their previous partner for at least some of their time together.  They're going through each relationship putting their eggs in multiple baskets, keeping an eye out for their next prospect at the 1st sign of unhappiness or boredom (and maybe before that point).  While many people only consider physical acts to be cheating, it always begins in the mind with emotional infidelity and a mental disconnect from your partner.  Flirting, "work spouses" & forming inappropriate emotional bonds with people who aren't your partner can be every bit as bond-destroying as a one-night stand with a stranger--sometimes more so.  Plus it's physically impossible to devote equal time & attention to two people at once so these "harmless" crushes & flirtations are a betrayal & always hurt the relationship in the end.

2.)  Codependence/Fear of Being Alone.  Secondly, anyone who refuses to be single is doing so for a reason and almost never a healthy one.  Aversion to contemplating their contribution to the previous relationship's demise, having to support themselves financially, needing constant validation/attention or simply refusing to sit alone with their own thoughts is a PROBLEM & likely signals big issues with codependency.  After a relationship ends, we need time to grieve it's conclusion and think about what we truly want in a future partner--not what society tells us we SHOULD want but the things that are important to us.  We also need to see firsthand that we can thrive on our own, and that other types of relationships--friends, family, co-workers, roommates, therapists & acquaintances--are just as important as romantic relationships.  Failure to do so can cause us to put too much pressure on our next partner to fulfill all these roles which is a recipe for disaster.  Also:  "Alone" does not necessarily = lonely.  Loneliness is an emotion that can occur unexpectedly at any time.  Some of the times I've felt the most lonely were in large crowds when there was no connection or the energy was off.  'Alone' can also mean solitude, peace, freedom, strength, space for creativity, self-discovery, structure & new beginnings.  It's all in how you choose to use the time.  

3.)  Not Knowing Thyself.  Another huge issue with never being single is that it's impossible to self-actualize or even know who the hell you are if you're always half of a couple.  Try as we might, we all lose a bit of our individuality when we enter committed relationships, taking on some of the mannerisms, likes and dislikes and the daily habits of our significant other.  It's only natural & largely subconscious.  This becomes even more of an issue in cohabitation or marriage.  It's not necessarily bad as relationships require cooperation & a healthy balance of give-and-take, but if you're never single you spend your entire adult life in this cycle of adopting the characteristics of other people without developing your own personality.  Solitude is vital for creativity as well--I never would've started this blog or my other side projects if I had a partner demanding my attention all the time.  Deeply understanding your own values, goals, beliefs, preferences & shortcomings is vital for a healthy psyche and balanced life, plus you fucking deserve to know who you truly are independent of other people.  It's one of the few cool parts of adulthood.  Very few.  

4.)  Settling/Incompatibility/Dishonesty.  Finally and perhaps most red flaggy, relationship hoppers are constantly settling for Ms. or Mr. Right Now to avoid being alone, and when you do that, you end up with partners who are less than compatible... to put it mildly.  The result is a drive to turn them into Ms. or Mr. Right by changing core aspects of who they are--a venture that's both cruel & doomed to fail.  When it inevitably does & resentment builds up but the poor sap has no idea WHY, you quietly begin looking for another partner with the desired traits who will return your affection, staying in the dead-in-the-water relationship in the meantime.  (See Point #1).  All the while you continue stringing your current partner along through this relationship purgatory & wasting precious years of their life by making them think you have a future together.  THIS IS COWARDLY & WRONG.  You should leave a dead relationship the minute you realize it's over, not when the next lifeboat comes along which could be months or years.  The saying "you can't get OVER somebody until you get UNDER somebody new" is truly vile and very telling in regards to how many folks (particularly women) have this mindset.  

If you've ever been with someone who had another love interest lined up the minute they left you, rest assured they were "talking to" them (aka committing emotional and/or physical infidelity) while they were still with you.  Perhaps your only consolation is that it has nothing to do with you and is just their maladaptive attachment style.  Also:  if they'll do it with their new boo they'll do it to them.  Nacho problem anymore.




Bottom Line

It really do be like that sometimes.

It hurts like hell when a relationship ends and you have to deal with that pain alone, and it can be scary doing life by yourself.  But the growth & freedom you'll experience is unlike anything you can ever replicate in a relationship.  Relationship-hopping is escapism--using the all-consuming high of a new relationship to avoid thinking about the one that just ended (or to avoid adulting alone in general).  All I can say is good luck with that.  There will come a time when you have to be alone; when everyone's busy, unavailable, dead or gone.  What then?  Plus, it's impossible to evaluate a new potential partner for compatibility & spot any possible red flags in them when your head is clouded with the problems of your current or recently-ended relationship.  All you're doing is ensuring another ill-fated relationship. 

Anyone who's uncomfortable to such a degree with their own company is likely repressing some heavy shit or avoiding thinking about something bad they did to someone else in the past.  And you can't run forever.  It will all come out in the wash eventually.  Being single gives you time to work on yourself, and some of you SHOULD be doing that (looking at you, Cluster B's).  Learning to be comfortable alone is a vital part of growing up and being an autonomous adult.  Despite whatever weird pet names you call each other in the bedroom, your partner is not your mommy or daddy & treating them as such is a dynamic that's destined to end poorly.  (Or maybe in the poor house).    

If your crush/love interest just got out of a long-term relationship (or is still in one but "in the process of leaving") and is coming on strong, ask more questions.  Find out when they were last single & what their longest run of singledom was if possible.  You don't wanna be a rebound or side-piece obvs, but all of the above are also legit reasons to be wary of committing to these types in a long-term relationship.  While the thought that they'd leave for you is flattering, it says more about them than you.  You're not special; it's probably a pattern.  And as stated before, if they'll do it with you they'll do it to you.  Is that really something you want to worry about/deal with in a relationship?

To quote one of my besties:  "I'd rather die alone in a room surrounded by CATS than suffer these fools!"  And that, dear readers, is why we're friends.   💞

So anyway, that's my relationship 🚩 and maybe just a red flag for people in general.  Love to hear yours!  

3rd Family Member in 2 Years Just Had a Stroke...

And that's just my family, never mind all my friends and acquaintances who have had random serious heart problems & strokes under age 50.  I'm sure it's not COVID-related though.  Couldn't be.  

🤦🏻‍♀🇺🇲☣

What the Stars Say About YOU: A Rabbi's Take on Astrology

Random post, but:  I like this guy's take on the Zodiac signs.  I always thought of my sign as, shall we say, one of the more cocky/douche-y ones.  But the way he explains it makes it seem more well-rounded & likeable.  And I'm here for it.  (No, it's not Scorpio).  🦂🙅🏻‍♀

I took an (expensive-ass) astrology class back in the day but don't put any real stock into it as a science or anything.  Certainly wouldn't base my big life decisions on it.  But it's fun to think about in the way that Tarot cards or other New Age-y things can be in small doses.  I gravitate toward disciplines with neat, clear-cut categories like the 4 elements, the 4 seasons, 12 Zodiac signs, 8 planets (plus Pluto!), 7 chakras & so on.  Don't ask me why... probably something to do with my OCD-riddled brain.  So if that's your thing smoke a doob & check it out, ma'an.  If nothing else, homie Jacobson has a super calming voice that's nice to meditate or doze off to.  💤

Since I can't embed the playlist, here's a screenshot.  And here's the link.

...& a less conventional As(s)trology chart.  🍑

To My Worldwide Readers:

Shout out to my readers in Singapore, the Philippines & other countries with drug policies more psychopathic than even the United States.  I see you.  It's incredibly humbling that you consider my little blog a source of reliable drug information/entertainment, but I hope you'll continue seeking out a variety of sources for your drug info.  PubMed, Google Scholar, the Harm Reduction Journal at BioMedCentral & Erowid.org are all great resources.  If your gov't has them blocked, a VPN can bypass the block but choose your provider carefully to ensure privacy & security.  Stay up to date on nationwide & local laws so you know the legality and risks of what you're researching.  

Please be careful with your online & real-life OPSEC & consider moving somewhere more welcoming so your life isn't at risk or controlled by authoritarian tyrants.  NOBODY deserves to be beaten, killed or locked in prison for non-violent drug possession or dealing.  I know I complain a lot about our draconian drug laws in the U.S. but I can't imagine what it would be like to have to fear public caning(!!!) or being hunted down and shot in the street every time I ingested my daily dose of a non-prescribed medicine. That degree of belligerence, prejudice & sadism is beyond my level of comprehension.

Filipino citizens protest extrajudicial killings of drug users under Rodrigo Duterte

And for any smart asses wondering, no: that fear wouldn't deter me from using drugs in the 1st place.  My quality of life is just as important as the quantity of my years & I have none without the meds. I have 0 shame or regret because I harm no one.  So far, not even myself (22 years & counting).  If healthcare was affordable & accessible and the dosage of meds I needed was consistently available without having to jump through unbelievable (like, honestly I'd laugh if it wasn't happening to me because it sounds unreal) flaming hoops to obtain it, I wouldn't have to go this route.  But that's not the case so here we are.

It is quite possible to use drugs responsibly even in a prohibitionist hellscape without medical oversight, but you must be vigilant: of addiction, of adulteration, of all the bad things the government propagandists warned you about.  Because despite the overblown scaremongering, there IS some truth buried in the stereotypes & cliches, even if most of the danger comes from prohibition itself.  But those dangers are a medical issue, not a legal or political one.  Lawmakers, cops, religious zealots, corporate media, hysterical parents with no medical background & career politicians should have zero role in drug policy, the abortion issue or any other medical issue.  Those things should be left to scientists, doctors, nurses, specialists in their respective fields & others with relevant degrees & experience.  And even they must be vigilant to keep their personal moral beliefs OUT of it because these are issues of public health, not subjective morality. 

None of us is free until we're all free.  Drug use is a victimless act so long as consenting adult drug users make informed, thoughtful choices such as not driving intoxicated or exposing their children to drugs.  In no universe should the penalties for a "crime" be worse than the social effects of the crime itself.  Suicide is not a crime and if a person wants to kill themselves with drugs, that is their choice.  If someone wants to alter their consciousness with drugs, it's THEIR brain and body to do with as they please.  Taking their freedom or their very life for doing so is the real crime.  

The only person you control is YOU.  If you don't like drugs, don't consume them & leave the rest of us alone.  Better yet, create a society that people don't feel forced to drown their sorrows with hard drugs in.  That's where your power ends.  R.I.P. to everyone who died at the hands of these ruthless, punitive government thugs as well as all the precious people killed by the secondary effects of prohibition (cartel violence, drug adulteration, death in prison for minor drug offenses, etc).  Your lives MATTERED & you won't be forgotten.  The only thing tyrants like Duterte, Nixon, the Reagans, Jair Bolsonaro, Uhuru Kenyatta & every Singaporean president to sign off on drug executions will be remembered for is murdering their own citizens.  That and their dark, savage hearts.   

Vigil for intellectually disabled Indian-Malaysian man executed for drug trafficking in Singapore

[Review] - Star Stvff: Red Hecate Kratom

Vendor:  Star Stvff
Location:  Tyler, TX
Items:  Itravil, kratom, cannabis, misc. Rx meds.
Rating:  4.85 of 5 stars
Website:  shternshtopn.blogspot.com

Because car insurance is coming due this month (boo!) I only had enough extra dough for a small splurge this time around.  So I decided to pick up a batch of Star Stvff's Red Hecate kratom, which was only $20 for 15 grams compared to their much higher prices for pain pills.  Red Hecate is described as "A warm, hypnotic red strain that washes away anxiety & psychic tension with its soothing effects."  Yes please.  (I realllly wanted to snatch up that Super Skunk or Chocolate Thai but it'll have to wait.  Hopefully no other greedy gus gets to it first).

Hecate (Εκάτη), Goddess of the Underworld and daughter of Perses & Asteria, is the ruler of the night, of magic, witchcraft, the moon & knowledge of herbs/poisonous plants.  After a trial with this potent & tranquilizing strain of kratom, I'd say it's a fitting name. 🪄 🌖 🌿

15g Red-Vein Kratom

I stick to red-vein strains as the others are way too jittery & make my heart pound without exception--I've never had a white or green-vein kratom strain that didn't.  I much prefer the opioid-like effects of reds.  While they don't have photos for all the strains on the website, Star Stvff assures me that their kratom strains are the actual correct colors and are dried using the proper process to create the corresponding effects, i.e. a "red-vein" isn't a bright green powder, etc.  This matters because, contrary to popular belief, it's not the vein color that determines the effects but the drying method.  Drying method changes the final color of the powder too, either leaving it a bright green hue ("white/green-vein" strains) or turning it various shades of brown ranging from light-medium brown ("red-veins") to deep chocolate ("Bentuangie").  So if you get a so-called 'red-vein' strain that's bright green in color, it's not being marketed correctly & will likely feel more speedy like a green or white.  (That's if you can tell any difference between the colors--not everyone can).

I received my pack 3 business days after ordering which was damn good considering it's the post-holiday season & weather has been shitty.  It comes in a stealthy but plain envelope with a taped & sealed Mylar bag inside just like the weed I got last time.  Therein lies the kratom.  Just for fun I throw the bag on the kitchen scale to see if it's a full 15g and lo and behold it's 18.6g counting the bag (which weighs 1.6 g on its own)!  So a tiny bit overweight.  

Lovely chocolate brown powder

The product is medium-dark brown, finely-ground & smells like Play-Doh.  Yummo.  I drink my kratom as a tea with the grounds left in, usually chased with plain water because I'm gangsta like that.  (I have a cast iron stomach and have learned to hold my breath/not taste things as I'm chugging, though there is a bitter aftertaste).  No measuring of the dosage with kratom--I just throw in a couple spoonfuls and drink until I've had enough.  Not recommended for obvious safety reasons but my tolerance is relatively high & I'm a slow sipper.  

It doesn't take much to start feeling that familiar 7-hydroxymitragynine warmth & itch.  I keep sipping a bit longer until I get the wobbles which I haven't had in ages.  Woops.  Time to lie down.  Needless to say this is a potent sample, maybe the strongest I've had since 2017?  In fact it's taking me back to the Golden Era (2016-2017) of Reddit vendors when Canopy's Red Hulu & Red Maeng Da were king... old heads know what I'm talkin' about.  Nothing else stands out besides the potency which is overwhelming tbh.  I end up taking a Zofran for nausea & feel much better but yikes.  So much for that "cast iron stomach".  Maybe I need to re-evaluate my habit of not measuring doses.   😶

Future trials are much more pleasant with smaller doses & a fuller stomach.  The description on the website is 100% accurate:  Red Hecate IS amazing for pain relief & evening use and washes away the day's tension--just don't overdo it.  I'd recommend it to anyone who loves classic opioid-like effects in their kratom as opposed to strains that feel more like a caffeine rush, i.e. green- and white-veins.  Of course everyone's different & reacts uniquely to each strain so it may blow you out of the water or be a dud.  Only 1 way to find out, just learn from my mistake & start with a conservative dose.  I'm currently a daily kratom user and wasn't expecting that.

Overall I give Star Stvff's Red Hecate kratom 4.85 of 5 stars for potency, shipping time, weight & accuracy of product description.  You can definitely find cheaper kratom out there but you aren't likely to find anything stronger in this year of our lord, 2024.  Treat yo'self.  

Hi!  ✌😀  Like this article?  Drop a donation in one of the accounts below.  Google AdSense does not support "drug-related" content so I rely on your contributions to keep this blog running.  It's hard out here for an independent freelance writer in the digital age.  Thank you!

Cash App:
cash.me/$apphicomrade

BITCOIN:
18cwb3qFkGghVqqzNSX59EFypzzF8Dd7Vg

BITCOIN CASH:
qz84t4ua2achx90a7yk8efelvufggflhu5tzalry7l

Truer Words...

 "I don't get along with self-help bookworms
Had a ring of 'em around me and they all took turns.
With looks of concern while taking what they could get
Some parasitic bloated tick opportunistic BULLSHIT."


Sage Francis feat. Andy K. -- I Trusted You

Captagon, Take Me Away

There's a new (read: old) drug threat allegedly turning already-seething Middle Eastern men into Hulking supersoldiers, used by both ISIS and Hamas in their recent brutal attack on Israeli music festival-goers.  It's called fenethylline, brand name Captagon, media name "Jihadi Nightmare Drug." This amphetamine-type stimulant has got Western journalists' panties in a major twist.  Let's try to deconstruct this terrorist-fueling murder pill in the most dry & boring way possible, shall we?   


Fenethylline Farmacology

Captagon--a member of the cathinone family along with khat & mephedrone, was commercially produced and sold until the 1980s, when it was banned due to fears of its 'highly addictive nature'.  Prior to this it was prescribed as a MILDER amphetamine alternative for kids with ADHD, then called "hyperkinetic disorder of childhood", as well as narcolepsy & depression--the exact same conditions Adderall and other amphetamines are prescribed for today.  Captagon has the benefit of not increasing blood pressure/heart rate as much as the amphetamines, yet for some inexplicable reason it was chucked into Schedule I in 1981 despite low rates of abuse.  Today Syria produces the bulk of the Earth's supply at around 80%. 

Well these look legit. 🙄  "Captagon" pills sold on the black market.

Exotic = Dangerous?

Opioid Rx limits for cancer patients in S. America

Different stimulants (and drugs in general) are legal & prescribed in different countries.  In the stimulant department, the U.S. has Adderall, Ritalin & Benzedrex while Mexico has clobenzorex (no relation to Benzedrex), Mazindol & fenproporex.  The U.S. historically had very liberal opioid prescribing practices and kratom is currently available OTC in most states with NO federal age requirements to purchase, but in Argentina it's banned entirely & opioids can only be prescribed for 10 days consecutively... even in cancer patients.  In the UK it's customary for patients getting endoscopies and colonoscopies to do so without sedation--a practice that makes most Americans shudder.  Who's right and who's wrong, and who decides? 

And just look what drugs we've chosen to fully legalize:  alcohol & tobacco, two of the most carcinogenic, chronically damaging substances in existence.  Alcohol's one of only a handful of substances that can cause fatal withdrawals & the ONLY recreational substance that causes mental retardation and a whole "syndrome" (FASD) in fetuses.  It's a Group 1 Carcinogen that causes around 13 types of cancer as well as a unique form of dementia and of course, liver damage that can be fatal.

Tobacco was known as far back as 1987 to be as hard to quit as heroin, amphetamine & cocaine.  That's to say nothing of its toxicity to the cardiovascular system, lungs & its potential emerging role in causing schizophrenia.  It also causes a number of deadly cancers including cancer of the mouth, throat, esophagus, lung, pancreas, colon, bladder & cervix among others.  And that's not even touching on all of our Rx drugs that have been recalled or withdrawn from the market over the years:  fenfluramine (the "fen" in Fen-Phen); Vioxx, Darvocet, phenylpropanolamine, Zelnorm & many, many more. 

Alcohol & tobacco are Group 1 Carcinogens: the most dangerous kind.

Today amphetamine, methamphetamine (brand name: Desoxyn), phenmetrazine, benzphetamine, cocaine & methylphenidate are Schedule II Controlled Substances in the U.S:  tightly controlled but deemed to have legit medical uses. Compare these to Cannabis, MDMA, psilocybin mushrooms & peyote--all Schedule I federally and deemed to have zero medical use and dangerous addictive or toxic potential.  So keep that in mind when judging the drugs other countries decide to keep legal, k?  

But back to Captagon:  Today, many counterfeit drugs and drug combos are sold as this highly sought-after pill, including amphetamine + caffeine or, less often, meth + ephedrine.  This can result in unpredictable effects since these drugs are obviously not Captagon and drug combos are risky in & of themselves.  When asked to describe Captagon's effects, one soldier described it thusly:

"You feel physically fit.  And if there were 10 people in front of you, you could catch them and kill them." 

Yikes.  But wait.  Amphetamine-type stimulants have been used in warfare going back to WWII when Japanese kamikazes took large doses of IV meth before suicide missions to give them that extra "oomph," and Hitler's Western Front soldiers received over 35 million methamphetamine pills (brand name: Pervitin) from April to July 1940.  The Fuhrer himself was known to start the day with a hefty injection of meth plus oxycodone and other various and sundry drugs/supplements, as did JFK.

Benzedrine tablets sample (copyright Museum of Health Care)

And can't forget the Americans, who were sucking on Benzedrine inhalers around this time and popping "pep pills" aplenty.  Benzedrine sulfate tablets were issued by military doctors to soldiers, military pilots and any civilian housewife with a headache who wanted to lose a few stubborn pounds.  Indeed, America in the 1940s and '50s had a prescription speed problem on par with the Rx opioid problem of the late '90s/early 2000s. There were even injectable methedrine (methamphetamine) vials of liquid that could be purchased OTC!  Of course the pendulum swung the other way and it was all banned, creating the crystal meth market we have today.  Because of course it was.  But for a while these drugs were considered miraculous and harmless.

 

OTC Benzedrine inhalers containing amphetamine-soaked cotton rods

Illicit Captagon is now Syria's #1 export, far exceeding all legal exports with hundreds of millions of pills being seized at ports in Saudi Arabia, Greece, Italy & others.  High-quality Captagon pills sell for up to $14 while low-quality ones go for about a buck--quite the difference.  Captagon has been seized as far West as France & Germany and as far East as Malaysia.    

What It All Means

I guess the big question is:  so fucking what?  How is this drug any different than the hundreds of other black market drugs that've come and gone throughout the years, rising and falling in popularity due to supply & demand and the changing trends?  If it's less likely to cause cardiovascular damage than regular amphetamine, doesn't that make it LESS dangerous to the user overall? 

Once again, the only real problem is its prohibition and the fact that criminals with evil intentions control the profits and supply.  If governments hadn't put it in Schedule I in the '80s, Syrian warlords wouldn't be getting rich from it now and tainting the supply with meth, ephedrine and god knows what else.  And it likely wouldn't be as available to already-angry ISIS/Hamas soldiers looking for an excuse to get fucked up and rape/pillage.

All the effort & money wasted by Western intelligence tracking this stupid cause is just that--a waste.  There would BE no black market in which drugs funded terrorism if they were legalized & regulated by said governments.  But these 3-letter agencies have to justify their existence somehow, so we keep doing it the stupid way year after year, decade after decade while people suffer and die needlessly.  Fine, just don't expect us to swallow your endless flood of yellow journalism & fear-mongering about the latest demon drug or its Satanic peddlers.  We're sick to death of hearing it--aren't you tired of reporting it, merely swapping out the names of drugs while keeping the headlines & bodies of the story the same? 

Let me help you out:  Drugs exist in every corner of the globe, some you've never heard of, but they mostly belong to one of a handful of categories:  stimulant/empathogen, depressant, hallucinogen/dissociative, opioid, deliriant or cannabinoid.  People take them for a variety of reasons but when they abuse them it's usually to escape environmental problems or situations in which they feel helpless and hopeless:  poverty, stress at work/home/community, traumatic memories, untreated mental illness or physical pain/illness.  If you live in a war torn region like the Middle East, it's not hard to see why one might wanna alter or escape that reality unless you're just being intentionally dense.  With stimulants like Captagon or Adderall in the States, people often take them as performance-enhancers or to work longer hours (yay capitalism!)  Not exactly shocking that soldiers would use them on the battlefields to increase alertness & precision.  Our soldiers did for a long, long time & it wasn't a scandal.

I was just searchin' for an image of Rx Captagon, Google.  Control yourself.