Bizzy Bone: An Unfinished Movie

 

Bizzy Bone fan mix by Lucky Lou



Is this the original/uncut version of Heaven'z Movie?  I don't know what it is exactly--part of it sounds like a fan mix pasted in from unreleased tracks, but.  BUT.  He has a full version of "Yes Yes Y'all" that sounds very legit.  Okay, somewhat legit.  Even if this ain't the real deal, the mixing/production is ON POINT.  This is who should produce Bone's future albums, dammit.  If nothing else, this masterpiece just shows how dirty Tomica Wright did Bizzy with this album, cutting his songs off at the knees in his prime.  

I remember listening to Heaven'z Movie for the first time: I was a teen sitting in my mom's car while she ran inside the downtown Goodwill (sketchy).  "Roll Call" was the dopest intro ever!  "Thugs Cry" came next... okay!  But then the next 2 tracks were cut brutally short in what sounded like a tape defect.  They didn't fade out or anything--particularly "Yes Yes Y'all," which just cut out in the middle of Capo's (or was it Mr. Maje$ty's?  They always sounded identical to me) verse.  What the fonk?!  I was seriously groovin' to that, why'd it just cut out?  Then a few more full-length tracks before another banger, "Brain on Drugs" was clearly cut off.  Something fucky was going on.  Nobody releases a half-baked album like this.  To this day I've still heard nothing like it... almost like it was a poorly-made mixtape rather than an actual album.

Come to find out, there were issues with sample clearance and likely some of the lyrics, which included ugly disses aimed at Tomica Wright herself: "Get up off your knees I'm all about business," "Lookin at me sexy take your clothes off but my d!ck'll go soft" and "Bankin' off my voice & makin' my choices she don't even know me!" being chief among them.  Bold choice there, B.  Dissing the label owner while ON the label?  Maybe not the smartest move.  Oddly though, those lyrics stayed IN which only made me wonder what was cut out.  





A true Bone fan!

In any case, Bizzy fans have been left for several decades without closure, begging for the original uncut versions to be released.  The estate of deceased producer Johnny J has teased full releases a couple times only to produce nada.  Guess we fans will have to do it ourselves.  Honest to God, some of the Youtube producers who have flipped Bone's music are more talented than whatever beat makers they had on their official albums.  One of those is definitely Lucky Lou. 

So go show Lucky Lou some love, and check out my music page while you're at it.  I don't rap or produce or nuffin' but I do love music.  You'll find Wu-Tang, Cypress Hill, Bone, OutKast & many more playlists there.  🙌🏼

The Real Reason Child Abusers & Rapists Get Such Light Sentences

Eric Menendez was denied parole on August 22nd, 2025.

Eric's older brother Lyle Menendez was denied parole the following day.  Despite showing major improvements, the judge said Lyle "exhibited antisocial traits".  Whatever the fuck that means.  

Both men have been rotting in prison for 36 years for killing their physical, sexual & verbal tormenters who also happened to be their birth parents.  It's since been proven that their father Jose also raped one of the members of boy band Menudo.  OH WELL.  Their first trial featured uncensored pornographic photos of the boys taken by their father as well as graphic details about how mother Kitty also sexually abused older brother Lyle.  And lots of tears that couldn't have been fake unless these were classically trained actors who'd completed their education at Juliard.  They hadn't, which let me know the "abuse excuse" as it was later termed was nothing of the sort.  Their parents not only threatened to kill them, they took them on an isolated boat trip shortly before the crime during which both boys were convinced they were going to actually be killed & fed to sharks. 

After shooting their parents,  they were apprehended after a confidential-confession-gone-wrong when a psychotherapist breached his ethical oath & turned them in.  Imagine that.  (Actually, it was his mistress who overheard the whole thing while eavesdropping outside his office, which is somehow even less professional).  At the time, total doctor-patient privacy was the law of the land which in some peoples' opinions should've gotten the whole case thrown out.  But because the trial happened in the same county as the O.J. shitshow and, prior to that, the Rodney King nightmare, the court felt pressure to appear "tough" on crime and banned any discussion of the horrific abuse these men suffered their entire lives at their 2nd trial.  

Hidden in plain sight: Epstein's surveillance cameras

Photos courtesy the NY Times

Meanwhile not a single child rapist in the Diddy or Epstein cases will face prosecution or trial.  (Or even interrogation, to our knowledge).  This, despite hours of video and photo evidence (CSAM to be clear) documenting the rape of these victims, some as young as 12 in the Epstein case & 10 in the Diddy case.  Both Diddy & Epstein engaged in the odd behavior of bugging their bedrooms.  (Why would anyone engaging in such blatantly illegal behavior want EVIDENCE of said crimes?)  If for some reason that wasn't damning enough for the FBI, there are the flight logs & other financial records tying the perps to the crimes (as is the case with any crime--it's called "evidence").  

Alas, after watching hours or days' worth of CSAM on the taxpayers' dime, the Feds decided on our behalf that nobody should be held legally responsible for the rape of these children.  Not one high-powered attorney (Alan Dershowitz), politician (Bill Clinton, Donald Trump), royal family member (Prince Andrew, Mohammed bin Salman), celebrity (Naomi Campbell, Mick Jagger, Alec Baldwin, Michael Jackson), billionaire (Bill Gates, Elon Musk, Richard Branson) or religious leader (Pope John Paul II) would be apprehended or tried... even those still with us. 



Punishing the Victim: the American Way

Extremely optimistic estimates: Real #s are likely closer to 1 in 6 boys & 1 in 4 girls.

The same can't be said for those who have the gall to neutralize a violent pedophile to save their own life or put a stop to decades of abuse.  Our leaders have proven time & again they won't protect us from these monsters, yet we're not allowed to protect ourselves either.  It's a Catch-22, a rock and one of the hardest places imaginable.  Cops too lazy to chase after unarmed, non-violent suspects can shoot them in the back & not spend a day in jail, but a "civilian" who takes out the human garbage by eliminating a threat to their own life rots in prison for it.

Murderer had a history of brutal child abuse.  Years in prison:  Less than 3.

This may be the single issue both republican & democrat voters agree on:  that pedophiles & child abusers deserve nothing less than life in prison (although some would go further & say death).  Yet sentences for child abuse up to and including murder are notoriously mild when they're handed out at all.  Just see the recent case of Emmanuel Haro, the missing child whose father has a history of severe child abuse resulting in the near death of 10-month-old Promise, who suffered the following injuries at his hands in 2018:

“An ‘acute’ fractured rib, ‘healing’ fractures of six ribs, a skull fracture, a brain hemorrhage, swelling of the neck and a ‘healing’ fractured leg bone...  indicative of abuse (sic) head trauma, child physical abuse and nutritional neglect.”

She is now 7 and can neither talk nor walk, and she is blind.  How long did the perpetrator of these horrific acts spend behind bars for his barbaric crimes?  I'm having a hard time finding his sentencing and release dates, but he was jailed some time in 2023.  It's now 2025 and he was on probation at the time Emmanuel went missing, so needless to say he didn't serve more than 2 years for inflicting lifelong severe disabilities on an infant girl.   Oh, and Emmanuel was born without the severe abnormalities present in his later photos, which suggests this animal did the same thing to him as to the little girl.

Mr. Haro is not an exception to the rule, nor is he a wealthy or powerful man.  In fact he & the childrens' mother lived in a fucking yurt in the Arizona desert.  However being wealthy almost guarantees you'll never see the inside of a jail cell even if you literally confess to the most abhorrent crimes in front of a judge.  That's what DuPont Heir Robert H. Richards IV did when he pled guilty to raping his toddler daughter in what honestly sounded like a plea to be taken off the street & stopped.  Instead, Jan Jurden, the Delaware judge on the case, suspended his meager 8-year sentence in favor of "treatment" & probation.  He spent not one day behind bars.  Did I mention he was later taken to civil court by his ex-wife for allegedly abusing  his son?    

Both of these cases involve predictable, preventable 2nd crimes by convicted child abusers who had already been found guilty of committing the most heinous acts against society's most vulnerable victims & were released to rape & brutalize again.  At the same time, adult women & children of abusers and human traffickers who use firearms in self-defense receive unjust sentences.  (See the documentary "The Perfect Victim" if you have a strong stomach).  



Victims as Collateral Damage

Cyntoia is free now, but only because of activism by celebrities like Kim Kardashian.

It's all too clear whose rights, freedoms & lives our legal system is set up to protect.  Brave people like Cyntoia Brown (child sex trafficking victim) and Gypsy Rose Blanchard (Munchausen's survivor), who in a sane society would be given parades are instead given decades-long sentences or occasionally life in prison for courageously putting a stop to their abuse when everyone else has failed them.  Meanwhile maniacs like George Zimmerman & Kyle Rittenhouse can chase and gun down total strangers in the street with no consequences.  This is by far the most insidious, least recognized form of misogyny, inequality & disregard for the sanctity of human life in our society today, far eclipsing the alleged "cruelty" of terminating an unwanted pregnancy by choice or failing to use someone's preferred pronouns.  Or whatever other nonsense Americans consider offensive to their sensibilities.  

The message is clear:  Victims of physical, sexual & spiritual abuse have no right to stop their tormenters from continuing to harm or even kill them.   Domestic violence & sexual assault simply aren't taken seriously by lawmakers, law enforcement or anyone else in power.  And why would they be?  Our last 2 presidents have had credible rape accusations against them.  (Don't get me started on Brett Kavanaugh or Clarence Thomas).  Women & children are still viewed as property; chattel to be bought, sold, used, abused & discarded as violent men see fit.   The dynamics of abuse are not only misunderstood by those in power--as we all witnessed in the Gabby Petito case when the victim was labeled the offender by Utah police & handed back over to her soon-to-be murderer.  No, that's not it.  It's that nobody gives a good goddamn.  And why should they when they know the American public will just forget about whatever horrors make the news after a few months without so much as a riot, strike or other form of protest. 

It's a classic case of getting the government and society we deserve.  And of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it".  While the system appears VERY broken from where we're sitting, it's working just fine for those at the top who never have to answer to anybody except perhaps the sly intelligence agent-slash-"financier" who's blackmailing them in exhchange for political favors.  

Speaking of which...

Post from Virginia Giuffre's Twitter account

D.C. Madam Deborah Jean Palfrey makes similar statement before being found dead.

One Nation Under Blackmail

Drawing from Epstein's 50th Birthday book.  

I don't know about you, but I don't want to live in a country where whistleblowers, journalists, coroners & other finders of fact are murdered, locked up or exiled regularly.  What happened to Snowden & Assange still sends chills down my spine, and they got off light compared to the likes of Karen Silkwood, the 2 Boeing whistleblowers, OpenAI whistleblower Suchir Balaji & the 2 journalists who had the balls to write exposes on Diddy whose causes of death are still listed as "unknown" (Erica Kennedy & Terrance Dean).  Then there's the D.C. Madam, who announced that she was NOT suicidal before being found dead of an alleged suicide in 2008, which is eerily similar to what happened to vocal Epstein survivor Virginia Giuffre only days before the case blew up in American media again.  And don't forget about Craig Spence in the '80s.

I don't want to live in a country (or world) where top-ranking officials & wealthy elite treat child sexual abuse as some kind of job perk & either willingly submit themselves to blackmail or put themselves in idiotically compromising positions in exchange for the "privilege" of abusing kids.  Not only because those children deserve to grow up without being abused, but because the blackmail is committed in exchange for political favors that affect all of us.  The ones doing the blackmailing twist their arms to get favors that could include anything from exempting billionaires from taxation to the current decimation of Medicaid/Medicare/Social Security we're seeing. 

When contemplating our unflinching loyalty to a country like Israel that's never given us a single tangible good or service in their entire existence as a nation, one has to wonder how much of that is based on this sort of gun-to-the-head forced allyship.  Meanwhile Democrats are obsessed with dogging Russia and Repubs constantly poke at China, who we rely on for nearly all our consumer goods including vital medications, foods & medical machinery.  Not too bright.  

As harmful as child sexual abuse is, so is the starvation of children that happens when a family's only income (a parent's government job or welfare check) is reduced or cut off without notice by cruel politicians like Trump, whose idea of "balancing the budget" includes slashing every federal program that makes us a civilized society all in the name of sparing billionaires the indignity of paying a dime of federal taxes.   We're estimated to lose an additional 50,000 Americans due to lack of health insurance under the Big Beautiful Bill, and some of those deaths are bound to be parents.  Others, children.  You can't claim to care about kids or the sanctity of human life while supporting such cruel legislation. 

And the question remains: WHY NOT JUST MANDATE TAX PAYMENTS FOR BILLIONAIRES?  It would fix so many of the problems in our society, from crumbling roads & bridges to a DOA postal system to our atrocious public school system.  And it wouldn't hurt their pocketbook at all--they would still be unbelievably, unimaginably, filthy rich.

I have to believe things like Epstein's footage play a role in decisions like this that are made by both parties equally over time.  Is Trump merely acting so aggro because he's butthurt that he got shot in the ear & put through those bogus trials, or is kompromat involved?  Based on his recent bizarre/shady behavior regarding the Epstein saga, I'd say there's a good chance it's the latter.  I just hope that if his MAGA supporters, the Proud Boys, Oath Keepers, Three Percenters & QAnon could rally the strength for an insurrection in the midst of a COVID pandemic in the name of... what, exactly?  Tearing up some Reuters & AP camera equipment & shitting on the walls of Congress?  That they will do the same to protest this administration's blatant coverup of child sexual abuse on a scale too massive for most of us to comprehend.  And I hope Antifa, Black Bloc, BLM, Extinction Rebellion, Redneck Revolt & all the other leftist counterprotest groups will get off their asses & join them, not because they have a shared political ideology, but because stopping the abuse of children by society's most powerful members is something we all should have as a top priority regardless of any other views you may hold.  Ideological purity is a comfort we can't afford right now.  We need numbers, solidarity & organization.  Lord knows the 0.0001% have these things in spades. 

And everybody talks a good game about what they'd do to a chomo if they go their hands on them, but when a family member, friend, favorite celeb or politician is the perpetrator?  The Devil's Advocate comes out to play, often slandering victims in the process.  Hate to break it to ya, but if you do this you're not only complicit but as vile as the abusers themselves.  Evil is evil no matter who commits it.  If I encounter any of you rape apologists online or IRL, expect to be called what you are: an enabler of child abuse whose hard drives should probably be checked too.

Hey readers! 📚 🤓  If you enjoy this blog, consider donating anonymously via one of the Bitcoin accounts below.  Google Adsense is not an option due to the content of this blog (boo!) & I don't want to have to go the paywall route via Patreon or something, so this is my only reasonable option.  Anything helps, no amount too small.  Thanks!  🙏🏼


BITCOIN:
18cwb3qFkGghVqqzNSX59EFypzzF8Dd7Vg

BITCOIN CASH:
qz84t4ua2achx90a7yk8efelvufggflhu5tzalry7l

Where Was the Concern...

Right.  And now you lot are doing the same thing with the "groyper" BS.

Where was all this concern, the self-righteous moralizing, the crocodile tears from pundit reporters, the flags flown at half-staff, the cliche musings on our dying Democracy...

...when the kids referenced in Charlie's cruel speech about gun rights were slaughtered in Tennessee?

...when Democrat Melissa Hortman & her husband were gunned down in their bed by a police-impersonating MAGA maniac who also had a list of over SEVENTY other targets including healthcare providers?

...when Paul Pelosi was savagely attacked by a hammer-wielding rightwinger in his own home?  An attack Charlie Kirk himself openly celebrated?

...when leaders from both sides of the aisle send billions to a wealthy foreign country to help them bomb hospitals, schools, refugee camps & zoos, murdering  64,803 Palestinian civilians by "official" counts (over 200,000 according to Israeli commander Herzi Halevi)? 


I could go on but will stop there as I know you don't have a rational excuse for this hypocrisy anyway.  Needless to say I'd take you all a lot more seriously if you didn't show so much cruelty and indifference to other tragedies of equal or greater severity.  

My indifference to this clown show doesn't equal a "celebration of the death" of Charlie, it reflects my disgust at the hypocrisy of so many conservatives both in the media & real life.  Watching you twist yourselves into pretzels lionizing a man who died by exactly the same principles he lived would be amusing if not so damn dangerous.  You're consenting to the exact thing Kirk spent his life arguing against: the inevitable loss of freedoms/rights we all experience when one tragic event is turned into an excuse for war, oppressive new laws like the Patriot Act & other unconstitutional measures.  It's abundantly clear that some lives matter much more than others in your eyes based on the disproportionate attention you give this ONE tragedy compared to so many others with far greater death tolls, many involving innocent women or children.

This was public knowledge BEFORE the 2024 election.  Over 50% of Americans voted for this r^pist anyway (while screaming "Save the Children").  

As a politically homeless unaffiliated voter, the hypocrisy from both "sides" has become unbearable.  It's a "point one finger, three point back at you" situation that's sure to leave this once-great nation in a heap of smoldering ashes like much of Yemen, Palestine & all the other countries that dare resist the stranglehold of "Western democracy."  Sorry, but you don't get to claim the moral high ground when your cult leader is an Epstein-affiliated chomo with multiple credible rape allegations (including from his own ex-wife!) who has done more to drive political "division" in the last decade than our last 5 presidents combined.  The Republican & Democrat cults are the equivalent of organized, state-sponsored Bloods and Crips gangs, and now they've got us playing the "kill one of mine I'll kill 3 of yours" game.  Exactly as intended.  Bin Laden's "death by a thousand cuts" strategy has worked.  Stick a fork in us, we're crispy.  

The real kicker?  Those who allegedly supported Kirk and his message are now going out of their way to doxx anyone who dared not react to his death the way they deemed appropriate, fully aware that it could get them fired from jobs or much worse.  More hypocrisy.  I would urge all internet users to up their OPSEC game because things are about to get a lot uglier.  In a country where sharing the wrong views can get you audited by the IRS, dropped by payment processors or deported, it appears people still haven't gotten the message about not linking their real identity to their online activity.     

As liberal & conservative influencers trip over themselves to lay the blame for Kirk's killing at each other's feet, one thing is glaringly apparent, at least to those of us who see through the 2-party con:  The U.S. is in its terminal stages (and so are its last 2 presidents, apparently).  Whether that's a thing to mourn or celebrate depends entirely on which side of the looking glass/algorithm you're looking through.  

An Ass Outta U

 


People make an awful lot of assumptions & logic leaps they have no business making.  Even if you could oh, I dunno,  read a person's every Google search, email, private message & handwritten journal entry, you still have N-O idea what's going on in their mind or life, or what they've gone through to get to that point...the context behind it.  You don't know what they're like when not being perceived (read: alone) vs. in your presence, around only you vs. others, what they're like in a relationship vs. single, under extreme stress vs. a period of good fortune & so on.  What you see, no matter how telling or complete it appears in that moment, is always just a sliver of the Big Picture.  But you can only understand this if you give said Picture a chance to develop before storming out & going conclusion-jumping.  You know, conclusion-jumping?  It's kinda like base-jumping or bungee jumping but way more dangerous, at least to relationships.  

People say "walk a mile in my shoes" but that's literally impossible.  What they really mean is "listen to me, TAKE ME AT MY WORD and at least feign some empathy.  Pretend you believe me or care even if you don't.  But whatever you do, please don't gaslight me or argue with my basic perception of reality."  You shouldn't need to know exactly how somebody feels or have gone through an identical situation to empathize because empathy is not about YOU.  Just the opposite.  You should be able to see that someone's struggling (or thriving) and feel pain (or joy) for them.  When in doubt, follow their lead.  Do they seem elated?  Depressed?  Confused as Biden at a sundown debate?  Then take that & run with it.

No matter what I'm going through, good bad or indifferent, I always find myself having to over-explain and present a case to "prove it".   I've been told "You can't possibly be that dumb/helpless" when asking for help or "you don't know what you're talking about" when I very much DO.  This wears on your self-worth after a while by making you question your own perception of reality.  If nothing else, a person wants to believe that they understand themselves.  But when you're constantly told you're wrong whether you're confident or asking for help, you start to believe it and give up altogether.  Why bother doing your best, showing up on time, being honest/sober/polite when you'll just be accused of something you didn't do or treated like a criminal anyway?

Eventually you find that living down to their expectations is just easier.  And why not?  They've already made up their mind about you anyway.





Line in the Sand

Do not cross

No more.  You do NOT know me better than I know myself.  No amount of shady gossipping, backdoor intel gathering or other sneaky, underhanded bullshit will ever be as effective as just fucking ASKING me directly what you wanna know.  Since some of you seem so fucking invested (lol), I'll let you in on a little of what's going on in my life of late:

My sister, who is a single mom, just quit her job & has no idea what to do next.  (The story is much worse than that but isn't mine to tell).  I have both a cousin and an old friend who are actively dying, neither is a day over 55 (one isn't even 45).  And I found out today that my best friend in this world is having pretty severe health problems & isn't sure what's causing them just yet, but she has an extensive family history of cancer which is always at the back of my mind. 

On the financial front, there's a legal issue with 80 acres of my family's land involving the greediest member of said family, and my insurance randomly decided to stop covering my ADHD meds.  Oh, and my brother just lost his insurance & had to quit his cholesterol & blood pressure medications cold turkey.  I'm sure there's more but I'll stop there.  Every day is a new fresh Hell under the Trump admin.  There's no shortage of things I could rage-write about, from the genocide in the Middle East to the obscene Diddy verdict to the likely pardon for Jizzlaine Maxwell.  Yet I feel a moment of silence is in order. 

So for the rest of the summer, you won't hear much from me on this medium, not because I'm abandoning it (or you) but because I need a fucking minute.  MY life is going smoothly except for the nonsense mentioned above, so no worries there.  It's everybody I love that's got me stressin'.  🌡🥵

TL;DR - I'm off to spiral deeper into unhealthy coping mechanisms while taking on the problems, emotional burdens & chaos of others... as per usual.  If that bothers you, by all means help me.  Offer an alternative avenue:  Donation$, l♥ve, real tangible physical or emotional 🫂 support.  A sympathetic ear or friendly shoulder to cry on.  Otherwise you don't get a vote in how I cope.  I'll see ya when I see ya.

⛅🌧🌩
0000💊🫗🧍🏻‍♀🧸💔   

Hi!  ✌😀  Blah blah blah does anybody even read this shite?  If so & you'd rather not see the internet be taken over by AI slop, support your local freelance writer (me) today--drop a donation in one of the accounts below!  Google AdSense does not support "drug-related" content so I rely on your contributions to keep this blog running.  Thank you!  🌈

BITCOIN:
18cwb3qFkGghVqqzNSX59EFypzzF8Dd7Vg


BITCOIN CASH:
qz84t4ua2achx90a7yk8efelvufggflhu5tzalry7l

Ozzy Osbourne: Drugs Did NOT Make Him That Way

I was never a huge Black Sabbath fan--they were before my time if I'm honest.  I'm more familiar with the reality show The Osbournes, which I also didn't watch at the time as I thought it was lame (though I'm revising that opinion after watching it the other night).  In any case, an opinion I keep seeing bandied about as fact is that Ozzy's speech and movement problems--indeed his behavioral problems & eventual degeneration & death--were a result of a lifetime of drug abuse.  Even Ozzy himself says so in one of the episodes of the reality show.  I saw one of the science pages I follow recently spout this same tired trope recently & had to correct them.  

Ozzy suffered from a variant of Parkinson's disease known as "Parkin 2".  Named after the gene that causes it, Parkin 2 is an early-onset form of Parkinson's that affects both movement and behavior.  It can even cause autism.  The median age of onset is 31 years, which means Ozzy likely had this the entire time he was in the spotlight.  Rather than being caused by his drug abuse, it probably contributed to it as well as to his strange & often violent behavior (biting the head off a bat, choking out his wife Sharon, etc).  It's slowly progressing but as stated, can cause a wider variety of issues than just movement problems, and it's 100% genetic.  That means things like head trauma or drug abuse can't cause it.  

The unavoidable question is whether his 6 children will inherit this faulty gene and, if so, how it will manifest.  Son Jack already has multiple sclerosis though he seems to be doing well managing it.  I find it tragic that Ozzy blamed himself for his health issues as late as the early 2000s and cite this as another example of pseudoscientific anti-drug propaganda causing real-world harm.  While the abuse of certain drugs like methamphetamine has been linked to an increased risk of Parksinson's disease, there's absolutely zero evidence that drugs caused Ozzy Osbourne's purely genetic form of the disease.  (Or any of the odd behavioral or speech anomalies that go along with the Parkin 2 variant he suffered from).  That means everyone who mocked the way he spoke or claimed that he was "brain damaged" due to drugs over the years owes the family a huge apology.  Like this wench who had the gall to sue Sharon Osbourne for assault after calling her husband a "brain dead rockstar" and "a vegetable".  🤬

Who Has the Communication Disorder Again?

 

THEM:  "No, and while we're at it, let me never speak to you a-fucking-gain with no reason given & no goodbye while you flail like an air-starved fish and wonder what you did wrong for the rest of your insignificant life as I move on seamlessly like I never knew you."

ME:  "Oh."

This is doubly cruel because of the way the "neurodivergent" broken autard brain replays traumatic events on a loop, broken-record style, over & over with zero consent from the conscious mind.  Each replay just as fresh & painful as the first time it happened.  It's like we're wired for PTSD or someshit.  (See: "thinking in pictures").  The flashbacks, nightmares & VHS-like looping tape replays of events that seem to pause on the worst parts in a way that the normal brain mercifully doesn't have to deal with is something I didn't realize everyone didn't deal with until I was older.  Much older. 

And then just to triple-ensure we get stuck with PTSD & self-esteem issues, the lovely "neurotypical" people in our lives pull the scenario shown above.  Over and over until we're 100% certain we're not worthy of human interaction or love or connection because we'll just fuck it up and not even know WHY or HOW.  Just that it always seems to happen riiiiiight as we're getting--I won't even say "comfortable"--just slightly less hyper-vigilant & paranoid than usual.  Almost enough to relax (overstatement) and let our "real" selves shine through.  And then, like a cruel God killing ants with a sledgehammer, we're snuffed out with one swift blow.  No warning, no escape plan.  Just darkness and pain. 




What I DO Understand

I shave with this razor daily

I get that there are some behaviors that are just unacceptable and we aren't owed an explanation should we be cut off for them.  Sleeping with someone's spouse.  Identity theft.  Defacing property, physical abuse, threats against loved ones.  In fact, you should go straight to the cops about some of that because YIKES.  Neither autism nor any other disorder is an excuse or explanation for illegal or massively immoral behavior of that nature.  Those are calculating acts that require malice & pre-planning.  If you catch someone in the act or have sufficient evidence that they did those types of things, turn them in.

 But if the issue is something less serious--a misunderstanding, a failure to anticipate the other person's needs that were never clearly communicated in the first place--maybe cut us some fucking slack.  Assume ignorance before malice (Hanlon's razor).  If the autistic person is acting truly baffled about WHY you're so upset, default to believing them because there's about a 90% chance it's not an "act".  Unless a person has a long history of telling big whoppers or exaggerating for no reason, always believe them.  Ask yourself what do they have to gain by doing the thing they're being accused of?  Or by lying about it?  

 What's not acceptable is cutting someone off abruptly without giving them a chance to explain themselves or without clarifying for them what they've actually done wrong.  You always have the right to kick someone out of your life--that's one of the perks of being an adult.  But doing so in the manner shown above is cowardly & chickenshit (unless they've violated a safety boundary).  It ensures that absolutely nothing is gained or learned by the person: all they know is they're a massive fuckup whose relationships are doomed to fail for reasons they don't understand, and they're not even worth an explanation.  That leaves them in a state of permanent paralysis because why tf wouldn't it? 

Even if you're angry at someone, surely you don't want to destroy them forever?  (I guess maybe some of you do--I honestly don't presume to understand humans anymore).  If you ever cared at any point, take 2 seconds to provide closure & let them know where they fucked up so they can be mindful & avoid making the same mistake going forward.  Then you can go on your merry way to dance on their grave or whatever.  

TL;DR - A person can only handle so many rugpulls before they stop trusting the ground beneath them & quit trying to step out into the world altogether.  "A person" is me.  I've literally been the guy in the comic strip more times than I care to think about.  Interesting to see that other autists have had a similar experience (IDK who made the graphic but clearly they've been "there").  Too many people expect too much mind-reading & then get too mad when it fails to materialize.  If that's a "me" problem, so be it.  But I think I speak for all autistic people when I say:  it would be nice if the folks without the communication disorder would try communicating their feelings before flying off the handle at us once in a while. 

Even when we straight up ask for exactly what we need (which is already hard because, hello, communication disorder), y'all refuse to meet us halfway.  It's almost like you're the ones with the problem. But because you lack the unfortunate brain wiring & sensitivity to torture yourselves about it, we're the ones who end up in therapy dealing with the fallout.  Super convenient. 👌🏻

No Drug Is Evil: How Dosage, ROA & Other Factors Affect Outcomes

"The dose makes the poison."  Most have heard this wise saying but few understand how important it truly is, and how much it applies to things like drug policy/education.  Not only is dosage vital in determining a substance's effects, the route of administration/ROA (oral, inhaled, topical, rectal, IV, IM, etc) play a critical role in the outcome with most things.  Not only recreational drugs but everyday medications & supplements.

Take Vitamin E oil:  Still the standard for treating severe burns & other skin injuries, research now suggests that taking the supplement orally might increase the risk of certain cancers.  Worse, inhaling it can lead to EVALI/vaping lung disease, an often-fatal lung condition.  This is the perfect example of ROA causing wildly different effects. 

And Vitamin E isn't alone.  Many vitamins & minerals become toxic at high doses, building up in the body's fat & causing liver damage or other serious issues.  Vitamin A is a prime example:  kids given RFK's "protocol" of high doses of Vitamin A for measles turned orange & developed liver injury because they were OD'ing on the shit.  The same can happen with Vitamin D.  Meanwhile, several vital minerals are toxic in anything more than trace amounts:  copper, potassium & iron for instance.  While some heavy metals like mercury or lead are toxic at any dose, others are required for good health like the ones mentioned above.  It's a balancing act that can kill if you get it wrong.    




Everything Has a Fatal Dose

The dose "making the poison" with several common substances

All substances from salt to water to oxygen have an LD50, aka the dose at which 50% of test animals die from overdose.  Even things like cannabis, which is promoted as non-toxic and impossible to OD on, could in theory kill you if you ingested enough at once, though you'd have to smoke the equivalent of 4 telephone poles' worth of joints in a few minutes to actually die.  And many scientific studies attempt to do just that, seeing just how much of a drug they can give the poor lab animal before it croaks.  Then they spin the results as "OMG, Ecastasy eats holes in the brain!" or similar.  

All '90s kids remember this horrific (retracted) study

Only later do we find out in a quiet retraction that, oopsie, none of it is true.  That infamous MDMA study "accidentally" used extreme doses of methamphetamine, and many pot studies involve strapping a mask to a primate's face & substituting pot smoke for oxygen until it expires, such as the infamous "pot kills brain cells" study from the '70s by Dr. Robert Heath.  This quack has a long history of extremely sketchy behavior that borders on criminal.   Meanwhile the horrifying link between schizophrenia and tobacco/nicotine, which is stronger than the link between lung cancer & smoking, is spun as "These poor folks are using tobacco to self-medicate!  We musn't take it away from them."  Never mind that most schizophrenics started smoking BEFORE the onset of the disorder.  Only 8 of 10 lung cancer patients EVER smoked; 9 of 10 schizophrenics currently do.  This is why you need to not take scary drug headlines at face value.  They spin them in favor of certain drugs and against others.

The same applies to all those kratom deaths.  Aside from the fact that the vast majority involved other opioids like fentanyl or serious underlying health conditions, nearly all involved extremely high doses of potent extracts & enhanced products with soaring, unknown mitragynine and 7-hydroxymitragynine levels.  Amounts that do not occur naturally in the plain leaf. 

People hear words like "heroin" or "meth" and instantly picture strung out junkies, but few are aware that a high dose of Adderall is equivalent to a low dose of meth, or a high dose of oral oxycodone is equivalent to a low dose of IV heroin.  Long-acting opioids like methadone, buprenorphine (in Suboxone) or opium cause longer, more severe withdrawals than things like heroin or even fentanyl--so bad that nearly all addicts in the know avoid starting the meds unless they plan to be on them for life.  Yet they also save lives by "scratching that itch" and blocking receptors for long periods, making for convenient dosing & giving addicts back their freedom to not chase opiate highs all day.  Again, it's a balancing act.

Perhaps the most striking example is that of meth, a known neurotoxin that kills dopamine receptors.  When taken within 12 hours of a brain-damaging event like ischemic stroke, it actually has neuroprotective effects up to the 10 mg range.  Perhaps the best available proof that dose = poison.  

Revolving Door Between the FDA & Big Pharma

This two-way relationship damages FDA credibility

The FDA has a history of trying to ban supplements that've never killed a soul.  The goal?  To make them available by Rx only, thus forcing patients to pay multiple times for the same thing they could get OTC for one small fee.  That means private insurance costs, doctor co-pays, diagnostic testing fees, hospital stays AND an egregious pharmacy bill vs. just buying it on eBay or Amazon.  Granted, supplements aren't FDA regulated and thus may contain anything from the stated ingredients to sawdust or dangerous metals (or even drugs) thanks to the DSHEA Act of 1994 that deemed supplements neither "food" nor "drug" and thus outside the FDA's jurisdiction.  But just how valuable is FDA regulation when the agency is run by pharmaceutical company profiteers with major conflicts of interest?  

Exhibit A:  Scott Gottlieb, Chief of the FDA.  Or should I say, former Chief.  You see Scotty stepped down 2 years early to "spend time with his family" in 2019, something that's never happened in the history of the FDA.  A chief resigning early?  Is he crazy?  This was before the COVID shitshow, mind you, so it wasn't that he was stressed out about that.  Why would a young, healthy guy with that much authority just quit early?  I'll always believe it was due in part to Twitter users calling him out on his kratom hypocrisy & conflicts of interest.  They/we simply highlighted his former position as drug procurer/dealer for pharma company Cephalon, which was already in trouble for overprescribing when he came in.  Scott went directly from that job to FDA Chief, then proceeded to spend every waking moment trying to drum up support for a nationwide kratom ban.  The drug he was helping score for Cephalon?  Fentanyl. 

From his POV, you can hopefully see the issue with a cheap, abundant plant supplement like kratom that helps people quit opioids, sleeping pills, antidepressants, etc.  It's not the safety risk that concerned Gottlieb & Co. but the fact that kratom directly competed with many existing pharma drugs.  Just as they'd done with marijuana for 80+ years, they wanted to ban the whole kratom plant while patenting select components or creating synthetic versions of the active alkaloids (Marinol, Nabilone, Epidiolex) & selling them back to us for a disgusting profit.  How can you take them seriously about important shit like vaccines when they are clearly biased in favor of drug companies & private insurers?

This explains the attempted ban on over-the-counter CBD supplements.

When Epidiolex (CBD in a spray bottle) was coming on the market, there was a simultaneous push to ban over-the-counter CBD supplements.  Annual cost of Epidiolex:  $32,000 (but occasionally over $80,000).  Cost of CBD supplements: No more than $100 per package, usually closer to $20. 

THEN there was the attempted ban on supplemental N-Acetylcysteine, a supplement without psychoactive effects that's never killed a soul in its 30+ years on the market.  This GRAS (generally recognized as safe) substance is already used in emergency rooms & is the only thing that will save you from a Tylenol overdose if administered in time, but it also has potential benefits for mental health & other conditions when taken orally.  It's those "other" benefits that prompted the drive to ban it.  You see, when they found out that NAC decreased both the severity & duration of COVID infections and thereby reduced mortality, they tried to give it the ol' cannabis/coca/khat treatment, making it illegal to buy in supplement form so they could make a killing off the Rx form.  This is highway robbery & points to a conspiracy between pharmaceutical companies/private insurers & the FDA to create a monopoly on our health based on nothing but profit motive. 

The COVID Cares Act brought them one step closer to achieving that goal, quietly removing many meds & supplements from the OTC market to make them "prescription-only".  Again, something I used was affected: hydroquinone cream, a skin bleach that not only "lightens" skin a la Michael Jackson, but reduces the appearance of severe scars, dark marks, etc.  In combo with Retin-A imported from overseas, this stuff saved my skin after a bad COVID rash left my legs scabbed & scarred for years.  I couldn't even wear shorts in the heat of summer because I'd get stares in public--it was bad.  The dermatologist's (expensive) treatment did fuckall to help, but this combo worked wonders in a very short space of time.  Hydroquinone can cause cancer when slathered all over the body daily & worn out in the sun, but is pretty harmless when used at the lowest dose for the shortest time.


  

Check Your Own Biases

Healthcare provider biases

I can do this all day with various drugs and examples of their relative safety/danger in different settings, but I'll stop here.  My goal isn't to cause distrust of government institutions, but to raise awareness of the common myth that, because a substance is bad for one person at one dose, that means it should be banned for everyone at all doses or made available only via prescription (to those with insurance).  Throwing the baby out with the bathwater is dangerous when it comes to things as nuanced as our responses to different substances.  The U.S. has a disturbing history of painting new drugs as miraculous cure-alls with no downsides only to swing in the opposite direction, deeming them too addictive/unsafe to even remain legal.  The truth is nearly always somewhere in the middle.  They did this with amphetamines in the '40s/'50s, methaqualone (aka "Quaaludes") in the '70s and opioids in the '90s/2000s.

So how can you, the everyday Joe Blow or Jane Doe, know what's true when it comes to medications & supplements?  Read articles beyond the scary headlines, click links to the actual studies cited & be careful about making assumptions or stereotyping substances or their users.  "One man's poison is another man's cure" also holds true.  Differences in metabolism, neurology, genetics, set/setting & subjective expectations can all influence how a substance affects a person, which is why the exact same medications can cause such a wildly different effects in different people.  Generalizing your experience & applying it to everyone else just doesn't work here.  Paradoxical effects are a thing & they tend to be more common in certain populations, such as children, the elderly or people with a "neurodiverse" condition (autism, ADHD).  A paradoxical effect is when a drug known for causing one effect causes the opposite, such as a sedating drug like diphenhydramine or Valium causing mania/agitation/hyperactivity, or stimulants like amphetamine having a relaxing or even sedating effect.  Yet another reason why YOUR drug preferences, whether medicinal or recreational, can't be applied to everyone.  

If you're a healthcare provider, please believe your patients when they report a side effect or trust you enough to disclose the use of an illicit or stigmatized substance.  Not everything positive reported about a stigmatized drug is "denial" or a product of hopeless addiction & shouldn't automatically influence the patient's credibility or your treatment decisions.  Wrongly attributing problems to the very thing the patient views as the most effective treatment they've ever found will only lead to delayed diagnosis of actual root problems & foster distrust in the medical profession, which can cause its own set of serious problems.  Not everything is as cut-and-dried as it's made out to be in medical textbooks or afterschool specials, especially when it comes to something as complex as the human brain/body.

My Anecdotal Experience

If most people took the dosage of amphetamine that I do daily, they'd be scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush & looking out the windows for black helicopters, yet it barely has any effect on my outward presentation.  And I can barely get out of bed without it or a similar drug.  And my blood pressure readings confirm my outward presentation:  120/70 or less despite my long-term stimulant use.  Yet alcohol, a drug almost everybody uses occasionally, disagrees with me so violently I can't tolerate even small amounts & haven't touched it since 2005.  Actually, all depressants that affect GABA make me an aggressive, depressed sack of shit, whether it's benzos, barbiturates or booze, and Ambien is the worst of the bunch, making me suicidal after a single dose. 

Likewise, while opioids disable most folks even at low doses (causing "the nods", nausea, dizziness or sedation), they have either a neutral or positive effect on alertness & energy for me.  It's disturbing how high a dose I can take & still not show signs of intoxication or impairment tbh.  And for some reason, I don't have typical withdrawal symptoms even after quitting high doses cold turkey after prolonged use.  This goes for everything from kratom to OxyContin.  At worst, I get a little sweaty & poop more than usual, but it's nowhere NEAR as bad as people describe.  Yet innocent old cannabis is too debilitating for me to use even in microdoses during the daytime, making me drowsy, paranoid & anxious. 

I'd much prefer if weed & other socially acceptable drugs agreed with me, but they don't.  Should I be labeled an addict in denial for this even though I have no problem quitting my drugs of choice & do so frequently with no help?  Why should one person be punished for another's inability to exercise moderation & self-control?

Answer:  They shouldn't, and our lawmakers who often have major undisclosed profit motives & are not medical experts themselves, have no place making that call for us.  Medical decisions and indeed the substances a consenting adults chooses to ingest should be their decision alone, perhaps with a doctor's input at times.