An Open Letter to Closeted Gays in 2026 & Beyond:

 

The number of married closet cases with whole-ass families and dysfunctional lives is too damn high in the Bible Belt.  Yes, it's the Bible Belt but it's also 2026.  We've got gay marriage, gay adoption, gays in the military... a whole month dedicated to gay pride.  AIDS is no longer an incurable death sentence for the still disproportionately gay and bisexual males who contract HIV.  You can no longer be fired from a job due to your sexual orientation.  There's tons of representation on TV and online as well as gay dating/hookup apps aplenty.

Yet here y'all are, still choosing to live a lie.  When I say "gay" I'm referring to both male and female homosexuals of course.

A whole TV channel dedicated to gay shows.

Why do I care, you ask?  Is it any of my business if someone stays in the closet or chooses to be discreet regarding their personal life?  First off, let me say I'm also discreet IRL about this stuff.  I've never officially "come out" to my family or the people I grew up with, so it's not about that for me.  But when you choose to involve innocent partners and children in your Big Gay Drama, that's going too far.  When your repressed urges come out in the form of alcoholism, passive aggressive behavior and all manner of toxic, maladjusted BS, that does affect other people and we have a right to speak on it.  The area in which I live is overflowing with this type of person, mad at their own life choices and circumstances and all too eager to take it out on the first happy person they see.

Take Alan Chambers, ex president of the now defunct "Exodus International," a conversion camp for gay children whose Christian parents wanted them to be straight.  He was busted in a sting op trying to lure an underage boy for sex in May 2026.  At one point, Exodus had over 250 locations in the U.S. and 150 overseas.  That 'point' was 2006.  That's not all that damn long ago, a mere 20 years.  Imagine thinking it's a good idea to put your vulnerable, sexually confused child in the care of a bunch of sexually repressed, closeted adults.  What could go wrong? 

Disgraced ex-ex-gay leader Alan Chambers

Exodus adhered to the common Christian view that any sexual activity outside a heterosexual monogamous marriage is sinful.  Let's examine that belief a bit closer, shall we?  It doesn't assign hierarchies of evil or immorality to different "sinful" sex acts--just the opposite.  "No sin is greater than another" is a common refrain from Christians, as is "let he who is without sin cast the first stone".  If all sins are equal, that means a white lie is equivalent to torture or mass murder.  If all sexual sins are equal, that means that two consenting adults having gay sex is on par with an adult taking advantage of a minor child.  This is not unlike the Catholic priest's conundrum that holds that breaking your vow of celibacy, whether with an adult man/woman, a child or an animal, is equally sinful.  Only in recent years after huge international backlash have they amended this view.     

Any celibate adult who isn't asexual but abstains from sex or denies their true nature is more likely to act out in harmful or criminal ways.  Not all child molesters are true pedophiles--many are situational offenders or hedonists who lack impulse control.  Some are sexual sadists who get off on inflicting pain on people smaller and weaker than themselves.  So it makes sense that people with these traits would be drawn to positions of authority.  This is why we see so many youth pastors, scout leaders, teachers, coaches and other "pillars of the community" getting caught up in child sex offense scandals.  

But back on topic.  

Feelings never go "away," they just come out in different toxic forms

Repressed sexual feelings can come out in a variety of other ways besides committing sexual offenses against minors.  Addiction and self-harm are some common examples.  Type A perfectionistic behavior involving extreme control of others is another: the workaholic who spends hours each morning getting their appearance perfect before walking out the door.  The parent who screams at their kids if they make a peep while they're napping on the couch in the evening, who forces everyone to eat every morsel on their plate and get a 100 on every homework assignment.  The boss who explodes on his staff for tiny transgressions... the punitive teacher who takes her frustrations out on her students.  The cheating husband who brings an incurable STD home to his faithful wife and mother of his kids while accusing her of cheating.  The person who inexplicably targets someone for harassment and criticism because they remind them a little too much of themselves in ways they'd rather forget.

These are all examples of projection, and it's rampant in the so-called Christian part of the country.  God's country, where there's a church on every corner right next to the liquor store and down the way from the shooting range.  These people have issues and because they refuse to face them, now you do too.  I take comfort in the fact that they'll die miserable and alone even if they happen to be surrounded by loved ones.  Perhaps that sounds cruel, too judgmental.  Maybe I should be more understanding as a gay person myself.  But it's this very fact--my gayness--that gives me zero tolerance for such behavior.  If I can make it out of a 1000-person town with my sanity intact despite every attempt by my family, community and society to make me feel broken and diseased, what's your excuse? 

Have you ever sat in a tiny church on Easter Sunday and listened to a 2.5 hour sermon about gay marriage being Satanic that you know was directed at you?  Been cut off financially halfway through college by your loved ones for moving a half-block off campus with your girlfriend (despite having good grades and being the only grandchild forced to live in the filthy dorms in the first place?)  Had a family member try to set you up with a 2nd cousin because that seemed preferable to being gay?  Been outed by your own mother to the worst possible person when you were already at your lowest as a teenager?  Had a doctor tell you that your reproductive health disease/chronic pain condition would improve if you "just came out" to your parents despite knowing fuckall about them?  

I could go on and on, but this isn't a woe is me pity party.  The point is, life isn't always kind to any of us, but that's no excuse to conform to heteronormative expectations while taking your misery out on others.  I'd take all of the above and then some before I'd ever DREAM of marrying a man and crapping out his kids just to make someone else happy--a feat that's impossible in the first place.  No matter what you do, you can never please other people so it's best to live for yourself and be authentic, then at least one person will be satisfied.  (And here's a little secret:  Anyone who truly loves you won't try to control your every move--they'll just want you to be happy, healthy & safe).  There's also a much lower chance you'll become an insufferable bastard to those in your orbit.

Actually, you can if you're an adult in a developed nation.  

This isn't about coming out or wearing your sexuality on your sleeve; it's about NOT wasting your life by depriving yourself of love & taking others down with you.  If you're going to abstain from gay relationships, you'd better abstain from ALL relationships because you have no right to involve others in your quest to hide your true nature.  Straight people have a right to authentic relationships too, and using them as some kind of prop to give yourself more credibility is beyond narcissistic. Bringing kids into the picture is unforgivable.  Get your ass in therapy and work out your insecurities.  Cut off anyone who refuses to accept that you're not going to be in a heterosexual union.  If they come around later, great, but they have no place in your life as long as they're being disrespectful.  If you live somewhere that's unsafe for gay people, save up money and get the hell out of there as soon as you can.  None of this is easy but it beats being a walking zombie with no control over your own destiny.

There's a world of difference between "not being out" to everyone in your life and constructing a whole fake identity that involves non-consenting parties.  It's okay to let people guess or wonder; it's not okay to live a lie.  That applies to a lot more things than just sexual orientation.  🙌🏻✨